Scordatura
by Davner
Summary: When her childhood friend comes for a visit, Belldandy is surprised to learn that she and Keiichi have already met... and more. Rated M for sexual humor and zombie apocalypse situations... no, seriously... Chapter 8 is up.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own AMG. Haide and Keruso are based on characters from "That 70's Show."

**Scordatura**

_Chapter 1_

_Sonata_

Belldandy picked up the ringing phone and smiled. She loved talking to people, especially people she had never met. There was always the chance that when you answer a phone, you'll make a new friend, and if there was one thing Belldandy enjoyed, it was making new friends.

"Moshi moshi!" she said.

"Guess who!?" a musically feminine voice asked.

Belldandy's eyes went wide in joy. "Sif! Sif, is that you?!" She covered the receiver with her hand and turned as Urd, hung over after a night of drinking, wandered toward her room. "Urd! It's Sif!"

"No one cares," Urd replied with a pain-filled yawn as she stumbled into her room.

Belldandy went back to the phone. "Sif! It's so wonderful to hear your voice!"

The goddess on the other end of the phone squealed just as excitedly. "I know! We haven't spoken in so long, I just _had_ to call you!"

"Well, it's a most welcome surprise!" Belldandy told her sincerely.

"Belldandy," the voice said with almost a hint of warning. "I have another surprise for you..."

"Oh?"

"In_deed!_" the voice replied. "Open your front door."

"Why?" Belldandy asked, blinking in confusion.

"Just open it!"

"Hai!" The Norn put the phone down and rushed to the front door. Opening it, she found a blonde goddess in a long green dress standing there with a cell phone at her ear. The two looked at each other and squealed before embracing one another in a long overdue hug.

888

Belldandy offered Sif a cup of tea and sat down at the kitchen table across from her.

"I can't believe you came all this way to visit," Belldandy said with a smile.

The other goddess sat back in her chair and took a sip of tea. "I take a vacation to Earth every year," she said with a shrug. "So I thought I'd swing by."

Before she could say more, Skuld entered the kitchen and did a double-take. "Sif!?"

"Skuld!" the goddess cried, hopping out of her chair and embracing the girl.

"Wow, what are you doing here?" Skuld asked.

"Just visiting," Sif told her. "My goodness, Skuld, you've grown so much down here! You're so beautiful!"

Skuld blushed just a bit and tried to remember that her Oneesama's best friend in Creation would say that about anyone just to be nice. Belldandy and Sif were born to be rivals. Both were beautiful, kind and powerful, destined to do great things. By any law in Creation, they should have hated each other. Instead, they had become friends on the very first day of school and stuck together through every obstacle growing up had thrown at them. Sif was as close to a clone of her sister as anyone would ever see.

"Well... Thank you!" Skuld said, embarrassed by the compliment.

The other goddess turned to Belldandy. "So," she said with a sly smile. "When do I get to see this mortal boy?"

Belldandy blinked. "Mortal boy?"

Sif beamed and sat down again, leaning over the table at Belldandy. "There are rumors, Belldandy!" she said with a grin. "Delightfully wicked rumors! Rumors about how you fell in love with a mortal boy and now won't leave..."

"EHHH?!" Skuld cried. "That's not it at all!" She cried, coming to Belldandy's defense. "He made a stupid wish for her to stay here with him, that's all! It's all his stupid fault!"

Sif turned back to Belldandy. "He wished for you to stay with him?! That's so romantic!" Belldandy blushed.

"It's stupid!" Skuld corrected.

The other goddess stood up and clasped her hands together. "Oh, no, Skuld! It's wonderfully, delightfully, deliciously romantic! You've never experienced love until you have with a mortal man!"

Then, as if someone had flipped a switch, the goddess fell back into her seat and turned glum, her eyes cast downward toward the table top. Skuld blinked in shock at the change.

Belldandy appeared sympathetic, reaching across and taking the goddess's hand. "I'm sorry, Sif," she said. "I forgot. We shouldn't have even talked about it."

"Why? What did I miss here?" Skuld asked.

The older Norn turned to her sister. "Sif was in love with a mortal boy once," she explained.

Sif inhaled a deep breath, held it for ten seconds, then let it out in a dramatic sigh. "A tragic love story th..."

They heard rushing footsteps from down the hall and suddenly Urd was sitting at the table next to them. "Go on," she prompted.

"What the..." Skuld began. "What are you..."

"I heard the words, 'tragic love story,'" Urd explained. "And hangover or no hangover, I _never_ miss a tragic love story!"

Belldandy smiled at Sif. "Go ahead, Sif."

The goddess sighed again. "Three years ago, we met," she said, clasping her hands in front of her again. "On the tropical island of Okinawa as I vacationed. A wonderfully, deliciously... male... mortal." She closed her eyes as she brought the memories forth. "His wild, unkept hair waving in the tropical breeze from the Pacific ocean... His gentle smile disarming the most intractable of young women... His soft brown eyes a hazard to any girl willing to fall into them..." She stopped and took a breath.

Urd and Skuld sighed, smiling at the imagery.

"I remember I could feel the warmth in his hand as he held mine, leading me to our destiny," Sif continued dramatically. "Oh, and his voice, Belldandy! Hearing it made me weak-kneed!"

"Get to the body," Urd prompted. Skuld smacked the back of her head.

"It was like the statues mortals make of Apollo," Sif said, entranced. "Like a bronzed god, shining in the tropical sun!"

So what happened?" Skuld asked, perplexed. "Did he... Did he die in an accident or something?"

"I don't know!" Sif complained. "He asked for my phone number, and I gave it to him. He said he'd call... but he never did..."

"What a jerk!" Urd cried. "Forget him, Sif, you can do better!"

Sif sniffled. Reaching out, she suddenly grabbed Belldandy's hands. "Belldandy! I beg you! Help me find him! He's my destiny! I know he is! Somehow our fates were derailed, and now we are drifting apart in the Sea of the World without rudder or chart! Please!"

Belldandy closed her eyes and squeezed her friends hands comfortingly. "Hai," she whispered. "I promise, Sif, I will do everything in my power to bring you and this young man together."

Sif brightened immediately. "Oh, thank you, Belldandy!"

"Yeah, we'll help too!" Skuld threw in. "It should be easy! We'll just google him. Nowadays, everyone has a MySpace or a LiveJournal or something. What's his name? We'll look him up!"

The goddess smiled. "His name is..."

They stopped as they heard the door open and close. "Tadaima!"

Belldandy brightened visibly and stood up to greet Keiichi. "Welcome home," she called.

Sif blinked in astonishment as Keiichi entered the kitchen. He caught sight of Belldandy's best friend and froze in shock.

"Keiichi san, this is my best friend, Sif!" Belldandy introduced.

They stared at each other for a hard second before pointing at one another and simultaneously crying,

"YOU!"

Skuld blinked. "What the..."

Urd slapped her hand over her youngest sister's mouth. "Shhhh!" she hissed. "It just... got... INTERESTING!"

"Sif..." Keiichi breathed.

"Keiichi sama," the goddess whispered.

"You... know each other?" Belldandy asked with just a hint of trepidation.

"Um... yeah, actually we do," Keiichi said in amazement. "I guess... just not as well as I thought," he continued.

Skuld looked back and forth between them and made the connection. "Oh no," she said. "No, no, no, no, no... Keiichi... KEIICHI... is a 'bronzed god?'"

Belldandy sighed sadly. "I should have guessed," she said. "Sif described him to a tee..."

"What?!" Skuld cried. "Are you insane?!"

Keiichi and Sif stared at one another, the suddenness of the moment giving them no chance to figure out what to say or do.

Finally, it was Belldandy who acted. Tears in her eyes, she turned toward Keiichi. "Keiichi san! How could you?!"

"EHH?!" he cried. "What?!"

"How could you not call Sif?!" she asked with a sniffle.

Silence throughout the room.

Finally, Urd raised her hand. "Okay! Show of hands! Who saw that one coming?!"

"I... I mean... Sif... Belldandy..." Finally, Keiichi gave up and sat down. "I need to sit down," he said.

"I'm sorry," Skuld said. "But I'm having a very hard time believing this is possible. Can someone explain this to me?"

"Look!" Keiichi exclaimed. "It's not my fault! Setting aside for the moment that you're a goddess..." He pointed at Sif. "And that you two know each other, I think I should be allowed to tell my side of the story!"

"I think we know your side of the story, Keiichi," Urd said, folding her arms over her chest and nodding knowingly. "You're a heartbreaker."

"EH?!"

She nodded again. "'Love 'em and leave 'em,' that's your motto! You pick up some poor, misguided goddess at the local disco, have your way with them and leave 'em at the bus stop before moving on to the next one!"

Belldandy opened her mouth to defend Keiichi, but she was a nanosecond too slow.

"Keiichi sama is NOT like that!" Sif cried, her fist striking the table in front of her. "If he says it wasn't his fault, then it wasn't his fault!"

"Um... yes, I concur," Belldandy added.

Sif turned her doe eyes to Keiichi. "Keiichi sama," she began gently. "Please, continue..."

"Well," Keiichi said, "It all started three years ago..."

888

High school senior Keiichi Morisato sat in the sushi bar and watched plate after plate of raw fish go by on the conveyor in front of him. For about the thousandth time since he got off the plane, he wondered what he was doing here.

True, the annual class trip to Okinawa was the highlight of the senior year, especially coming from a place as cold as Hokkaido, but the warm beaches didn't mean a whole lot to a guy who couldn't swim.

So while the rest of his class was at the beach, he was sight-seeing. It was okay... just not worth the money he paid for the trip, especially since he was trying to save for his first year away from home at Nekomi Tech come fall.

He checked his watch. It was almost time to go. The sun was going down soon. He stood up and left the sushi bar, turning in the direction of his hotel.

"Um... Excuse me?"

He turned and froze in his tracks. Keiichi had seen western women before, but this one was simply beautiful. She wore tan shorts and a green, short-sleeve shirt. A wide-brimmed straw hat sat atop her head, concealing blonde locks. He swallowed nervously and opened his mouth to say something smooth...

"Aaauuugh," he managed to get out.

The woman smiled. "Is that a local dialect?" She cleared her throat. "Aaauuugh, to you as well!"

"I mean... hello," Keiichi managed.

The woman's smile drooped. "I'm very sorry," she said. "I'm on vacation here, and I'm afraid I've gotten turned around. Can you tell me where Third Street is?"

"Oh!" Keiichi replied. "I'm sorry, I'm just visiting myself. I don't really know." He scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Oh," she said despondently. "Thank you anyway." She started past him, and Keiichi bit his lip. It was getting dark and this part of town wasn't the best...

"Hey!" he called after her. She turned to him and blinked. "Well, I don't know, but I'm sure someone does!"

He ducked back into the sushi bar. "Oi!"

888

"So that's it?" Urd asked with an arched eyebrow. "You helped her find her hotel?"

"Keiichi is always doing such nice things," Belldandy agreed.

Sif touched Belldandy's arm. "You know, I could sense that about him! He sees helping others as a holy duty!"

"Barf!" Skuld cried in response.

Keiichi put his face in his hands and shook his head.

"Gomen, Keiichi san," Belldandy said. "Please go on."

"Well," Keiichi said. "After I found out where Third was, I walked her to her hotel..."

888

"Thank you very much for helping me," the girl told him as they walked through the door of the run down hotel.

Keiichi looked around the lobby. The place was clean, but obviously barely worth one star. He wondered why a woman as classy as this was staying here. Maybe she was low on money.

"I'm so sorry!" the girl cried, suddenly turning toward him. "I never introduced myself!" She bowed low to him. "I am Sif."

"Keiichi," he replied with a smile. "Keiichi Morisato." He cleared his throat. "Um... So... How long are you here?" he asked.

"A week," she told him. "It's not much time to see everything. I think tomorrow I'll explore more..."

"Um... Would you... I mean... I'm... I'm sight seeing too and..."

"You are?!" Sif interrupted. She demured a moment later, turning away with a blush. "I know I have no right to impose upon you further, but I'm alone on this trip, and seeing sights with a new friend is much more preferable to seeing them alone... Perhaps... I might accompany you?"

Keiichi blinked in shock. This was easier than TV made it out to be. "Um... Yeah! Sure!"

"Shall we meet here? Tomorrow? Eight o'clock?" she asked.

"Sounds great!" he replied.

Sif put her finger to her lips in thought. "I still owe you a debt for your help," she said. "You should come up to my room!"

888

Belldandy spit out a mouthful of tea and started coughing. "W...What?!"

"Keiichi! You sly dog!" Urd cried, slapping him on the back.

Keiichi caught the devastated look in Belldandy's eyes and quickly waved the idea away. "It's not like that!" he cried. "It's not! I swear!"

888

Keiichi turned white. "Um... What?" he whispered.

Sif smiled gently. "In_deed_!" she replied. "Tomorrow morning! Meet me in my room, and I'll cook breakfast for you!"

"Oh!" Keiichi cried, half relieved, half disappointed. "Um... Yeah! Okay! Breakfast sounds great!"

"Splendid!" Sif replied. "Tomorrow at eight then! Room three-oh-three!"

888

"You ate another woman's breakfast?" Skuld seethed.

"Hey! She was offering it up! What would any guy do?!" Keiichi cried.

"Skuld, Sif cooking for Keiichi san was just a way to show her appreciation for his kind act," Belldandy explained.

"Yeah!" Keiichi agreed quickly. "And it was great," he added, turning to Sif. "Best French toast I ever had..."

Belldandy's eyes went wide. She turned to Sif. "French toast?"

Sif nodded happily.

Belldandy's eyes narrowed. "The French toast recipe Aunt Lofn taught us?"

The other goddess nodded again. "It's love-at-first-sight-a-riffic!"

"Um... Did I miss something?" Keiichi asked.

Belldandy smiled and waved the question away. "No! No! Not at all! It's just that... well.. Since it was my aunt who taught her that recipe and since I asked her to teach it to Sif, it means that technically, you ate _my_ French toast..."

"No he didn't," Sif told her. "Because I made it with the secret ingredient!"

"Strawberries?" Skuld asked.

"No, silly!" Sif told her. "I made it with..."

"DON'T SAY 'LOVE!'" Belldandy cried, jumping to her feet.

Everyone stared at her. She cleared her throat and sat down, blushing. "Strawberries... are better for French toast," she added.

"Nice recovery," Urd said with a roll of her eyes.

"Anyway!" Keiichi interrupted, trying to regain control of the conversation. "We went sight-seeing. It was... You know... It was nice. I mean, for the first time ever I was out with a beautiful..." He saw Belldandy blink at him and quickly amended this. "...moderately pretty woman who... well... seemed to like me. It was nice."

"It was the most fulfilling week of my entire life," Sif added with a quiet smile.

Keiichi paused. "Oh," he said.

"We even went to the beach!" Sif declared. "Though this silly goose insisted he wouldn't have a good time, I caught him smiling quite a few times!"

Keiichi blushed and cleared his throat. He _had_ had fun that day... Of course, Sif in a bathing suit was enough for that.

"You brought your 'A' game, didn't you?" Urd remarked to Sif.

"Oh, I brought it all right," Sif replied. "Of course, by then, I was already falling in love with him..."

"EHHHH?!" Keiichi and Skuld cried.

Belldandy looked down at the table-top.

"In_deed!_" Sif told them.

Skuld turned to Keiich and smacked him across the back of the head. "What is with you, anyway?! You're like a roach motel for goddesses!"

"It's not my fault! I didn't do anything!"

"Yes, you did, Keiichi sama," Sif told him with certainty. "You captured my heart..."

"I'm going to throw up!" Skuld cried.

Urd rolled her eyes. "Dear Penthouse," she muttered.

Keiichi heard this, and his eyes rolled back into his head. The goddesses gasped as he hit the ground.

"Keiichi san!"

"Keiichi sama!"

Belldandy and Sif rushed to his side. Kneeling on either side of him, the goddesses fanned at his face with their hands.

"Oh! Poor Keiichi!" Belldandy cried.

Urd rolled her eyes again. "Oh, yeah," she said sarcastically. "Two beautiful goddesses hopelessly in love with him! That poor bastard!"

Sif's head suddenly shot up and her eyes locked on Belldandy's.

"Belldandy?" she whispered incredulously. "Is... Keiichi the boy you..."

"He's coming around!" Belldandy suddenly cried as Keiichi opened his eyes. "Keiichi san!? Can you hear me?"

Seeing both goddesses above him, Keiichi promptly lost consciousness again.

"Oh dear," Sif said.

"Help me get him to his room," Belldandy ordered, throwing Keiichi's arm over her shoulder while Sif did the same on his other side.

888

Urd entered the kitchen and found Belldandy washing dishes at the sink. She took a quick look around and frowned. "Hey, where's Sif?"

Belldandy placed a dish on the drying rack and turned to the next one. "She's sitting at Keiichi's bedside," she said. "Waiting for him to wake up."

The older sister blinked. "And you're okay with that?"

"Of course," Belldandy said, not facing her. "Sif cares for Keiichi san a great deal. If sitting by his side makes her feel better, she should be allowed to do so. Besides, her gentle feelings will reach him and aid him in his healing."

Urd shook her head and smiled. "I have to say, Belldandy, you're taking this very well. I was sure you'd take this the wrong way or..."

Belldandy held a plate up and inspected it critically. "Oh dear," she said. "This one is chipped." With one quick movement, she slammed the plate against the counter, shattering it into a thousand pieces before moving to the next one.

"... overreact," Urd finished, her eyebrow arched. She regarded her sister carefully. "Belldandy, are you okay?"

She looked down at the sink and took a breath. "I love them both, Neesan," she said. "Sif is as close to me as you and Skuld, and Keiichi..." She sighed. "Keiichi is..."

"Yeah, I know," Urd told her sympathetically.

"What I don't understand is why he lied to me."

"Huh?" Urd asked, blinking.

"He told me he had never had a girlfriend," Belldandy went on. "But it seems that Sif..."

"Don't jump to conclusions, Sis," Urd cautioned her. "After all, we haven't heard the rest of Keiichi's story. As for Sif, well... It won't be the first time a boy has gotten between two girlfriends."

"But I don't want it to be that way," Belldandy said softly. "I love Sif. I want her to be happy... I just... don't want her to be happy with _Keiichi_..."

"Yeah, but you're forgetting something very important," Urd told her. Belldandy looked up at her as she continued. "It's Keiichi's choice. Not yours and not Sif's. And really, I don't think you have anything to worry about. A week in Okinawa isn't going to hold up against two years of what the two of you have been through together. I know you don't realize this, Belldandy, but that young man has been off the market since the two of you met. He's in love with you."

Belldandy seemed to consider this for several moments. "Then what about Sif? She'll be heartbroken."

Urd shrugged. "We love goddesses have a saying for situations like this," she said. She took Belldandy by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "'Shit happens.'"

The younger sister thought on this. "What should I do, Neesan?"

"You're going to have to assert your claim on Keiichi," Urd told her.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're awful at that, Sis," Urd went on. "Any time some cute girl gets it in her head that Keiichi's a good catch, you sit on the sidelines and hope that in the end he'll like you more than them. Even when Peorth was here _actively_ trying to _steal_ him from you, you just kind of... went passive... and let him fight her off by himself. You can't do that this time. This time the two of them have history and a pre-existing attraction. You're going to have to take Sif on."

"You mean fight Sif?" Belldandy asked in shock.

"No," Urd drawled out. "I mean let her and everyone else know in no uncertain terms that Keiichi is _your_ man. Yeah, it's going to hurt Sif's feelings, but if you don't, she's going to continue on with the idea in her head that she can take Keiichi for herself. And you know how Sif is when she gets an idea in her head."

"Hai," Belldandy agreed, nodding sadly. "What do you suggest?"

Urd grinned evilly. "I thought you'd never ask..."

888

He could hear a soft melody playing just beyond his hearing, moving him like a current at sea. It lifted him up, pulling him away from darkness, a gentle song...

His eyes opened, and it was as if the song came into focus. He could see the ceiling above him and turned his head to the left.

Sif sat there, her eyes closed as she ran a bow over a viola, the source of the melody.

"Sif?" he muttered.

Her eyes opened, and her fingers stopped moving. She smiled down at him. "Keiichi sama. You're awake."

He sat up in bed and blinked. "How long have I been out?"

"Only an hour or so," she replied, putting the viola down.

The boy regarded her for several moments. "Have you been sitting here this whole time?"

She smiled and nodded. "I thought Ameri and I might help soothe your sleep," she said.

"Ameri?"

She gestured to the viola. "Her melody can be very soothing. Do you need anything?"

"No," he said, preparing to get up. "I just..." He stopped suddenly and laid back down, his eyes wide in fear as he realized something.

"Sif," he began. "Where are my pants?"

She turned away and blushed. "We felt that any tight clothing might interfere with your breathing and circulation so we..."

"We?!" he cried. "Who's 'we?!'"

"Belldandy and I, of course!" Sif replied happily.

He turned bright red.

"Oh, please don't be angry, Keiichi sama," Sif begged. "It was only in your best interest that we acted as we did... And... If I may say... you have no reason to be self conscious..." She whispered this last part, her face reddening even more.

"Oh my goddess," he breathed, staring up at the ceiling in total shock.

"Keiichi sama," Sif began quietly as she shuffled up closer to him. "I... I must know... Why didn't you call me?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Sif san," he whispered. "It's... I mean... Here's what happened..."

888

"Of course!" Sif told him happily, practically running to the small desk in her hotel room. "I would like it very much if you were to call me!"

Keiichi felt his heart lift and his chest constrict, but in a good way. The week was over, and he was going back to Hokkaido tomorrow, and it had been the best week of his life. Spending time with Sif had turned what should have been a boring sight-seeing tour into ... well... he didn't know what, but he loved it.

He watched as she scribbled her number on a piece of note paper, biting his lip as the seconds dragged into minutes.

_Well, it is long distance,_ he thought. _Or maybe she's writing a love note!_

This possibility brightened his day even more. He really liked Sif. Somehow she found the good in everything around her. She had even managed to get him to go to the beach and have fun there. This girl was special. He could see it in the way she moved.

And for some inexplicable reason, she seemed to like him.

He had never had any luck with girls before. He was short, didn't play sports, didn't have enough money to do much more than drive around the Beemer Keima had bought for him. It wasn't as if there were women lining up to date him.

But none of that seemed to matter to Sif.

She folded the piece of paper and turned to him. "Here," she said, offering it to him. "Keiichi sama, I had a wonderful time."

"Yeah, me too," he said. "So... you're sure it's okay if I call?"

She nodded. "Please do." Then, leaning over, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Until next we meet," she whispered.

After that, things got a little fuzzy. Overpowered by the girl's kiss, he still managed to stumble back to the hotel where he and his class were staying. After several attempts to slide his card into the door, he finally managed and collapsed inside.

One of his friends and roommates, Haide, turned away from the TV and adjusted his sunglasses. "Yo," he said. "Where have you been?"

His other roommate, Keruso, grinned from the bed. "Out with your girlfriend?" he asked.

Finally coming out of his spell, Keiichi shook his head, clearing it of the tiny hearts and cherubs that had been dancing around in there. "Look, I know you guys don't believe me, but it's true," he said. He held up the note. "And now I can prove it."

"What'd she get you? A restraining order?" Haide asked.

"It's her number," Keiichi announced.

"Seeing is believing, my friend," Haide said, getting up and joining Keiichi and Keruso. "So let's see it."

Grinning, Keiichi opened the note... and blinked.

"Dude, what is that?" Keruso asked. "It looks like my dad's tax return."

Haide adjusted his sunglasses. "There must a hundred digits in this number!"

"Well... It's... It's long distance!" Keiichi defended, starting to feel his chest tighten again, but this time not in the good way. It was more the suspicion-of-just-having-been-had way.

"Is that a hieroglyphic?!" Haide asked, pointing at one numeral. "Dude, this is like ancient Sumerian or some shit!"

Keruso took a step back and pointed at Keiichi. "BURN!" he shouted.

"What?!" Keiichi asked.

"SHE TOTALLY BURNED YOU!" Keruso shouted. "OH, MAN!"

Keiichi's heart fell into his stomach and started splashing about in panic.

"I'm afraid he's right, my friend," Haide told him. He grinned. "Still, you gotta admit. It's a pretty good burn."

"No, I mean..." Keiichi looked down at the numbers again. "She..."

"Come on, man," Haide said, patting Keiichi on the back. "You said it yourself, she's hot, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Nice?"

"Yeah," he agreed quietly.

"So what makes you think a girl like that doesn't already have a boyfriend back home?" Haide asked him. "She probably came here on vacation, decided she wanted a little fun and hooked up with you. But now it's time to go home to Biff or Gerald or whatever kind of gay name he has, which means it's time to let you go." He patted his friend on the back. "There's absolutely no shame in it."

"HEY!" Keruso was shouting down the hotel's hallway. "MORISATO JUST GOT MAJORLY BURNED!" He laughed.

Keiichi felt his cheeks redden in humiliation. Haide was right, of course. The idea that Sif _didn't_ have a boyfriend, probably a rich guy who was into sports and could afford flowers for her every day, was simply ludicrous on its face.

He closed his eyes and balled the note up in his hand, tossing it into the trash without another thought.

888

Sif covered her mouth in horror. "Oh no," she breathed. "I should have explained! To dial into Heaven from an Earth phone requires a hundred and thirty-two digits... And the hieroglyph was a four, I just have sloppy handwriting!"

Keiichi looked down at his blanket.

"So... You thought... That I had tricked you?" Sif asked sadly.

He shrugged. "I figured Haide was right. I mean... look at me... and look at you. Why in the world would a girl like you want to spend time with me? You could have any guy that you wanted." He shrugged. "I was different back then. I honestly believed that. It wasn't until Belldandy came that I learned that that's not the way things are..."

"Belldandy," Sif whispered.

"So that's what happened," he said guiltily. "It wasn't that I didn't want to call you, it's just that I thought... a call wouldn't be as welcome as you said..."

"I'm so sorry, Keiichi sama," she told him. "I should have explained. Been more up front with what I was."

"It's not your fault," he said. "I... had a self esteem problem for awhile. I let it get in the way..."

"And now?" she asked.

He blinked. "Um..."

She reached out and touched his hand. "Now that that unpleasant thing between us is gone, perhaps..."

888

Just outside Keiichi's door, Belldandy followed Urd as her sister confidently led her to where she knew she had to be, by Keiichi's side.

Her sister turned and placed her hands on her shoulders. "Remember," Urd told her, "You're not 'trying to win' Keiichi. You're not keeping him from Sif. You've already won. He's yours. He belongs to you. Be confident."

"Just like playing a part in a play," Belldandy said with a nod.

Urd shook her head. "No, it's not." She bit her lip. Belldandy simply wasn't getting it. "It's not fake. None of it! It's all real, you just won't admit it yet. Now go in there and show the world that Keiichi Morisato is your mortal!"

"Hai!" Belldandy darted for the door.

"Belldandy!" Urd called. As her sister stopped and turned back, Urd stepped up to her, regarded her critically for a moment, and then reached out, popping the top button of Belldandy's blouse, revealing just a little cleavage.

"Perfect!" Urd said. "Go get 'em!"

Belldandy turned and raised her hand to knock on the door...

"Stop! Stop!" Urd hissed quietly. Belldandy turned to her, questioningly. "He's your boyfriend! You see him naked all the time! That's not _his_ room! It belongs to you both! Don't knock!"

"But I don't..."

"You _do!_" Urd reminded her forcefully. "Understand?"

Belldandy nodded. "Hai." Turning, she took a breath and slid the door open.

Sif and Keiichi turned to her as she entered.

"Belldandy!" Keiichi cried. "Um..."

"Oh, Keiichi!" she cried, deliberately dropping the 'san' as her sister suggested. She knelt next to him and wrapped her arms around him. "I was so worried!" she whispered. Remembering Urd's next suggestion, she started to stroke the hair on the back of his head.

Keiichi blinked. "Oh... I'm ... Sorry..." he said. "I didn't mean to worry you..."

Belldandy released him from the embrace and took his face in her hands. "You're always worrying me like that," she said with a smile. Leaning back a little, she reached up and absently played with her hair.

"I am?"

Sif watched the exchange with interest.

"Are you all right?" Belldandy asked him. "Do you need a doctor?"

"No, I think... I'm okay," Keiichi said quickly.

She embraced him again. "I'm making your favorite for dinner," she said. "If you're not up to eating with us, I can bring some for you." She punctuated this by placing her hand on his leg.

Keiichi blinked, unsure of why Belldandy was suddenly so affectionate. Not that she wasn't usually, it was merely that she wasn't usually so blatant.

"No, I think I'll be okay." He leaned in to whisper. "But... Belldandy, could you get my pants?"

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, causing Keiichi's nose to bleed. "Hai," she whispered. Standing up, she went to his dresser and paused for just a moment as she tried to remember which drawer he kept his pants in, playing with her hair as she thought. Guessing the bottom, she found a pair of jeans and brought them to him.

Keiichi shoved them under the covers and put them on while trying to maintain some dignity.

"Do you need anything?" Belldandy asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"No, um... I think I'm good," he said.

"Then I'll see you later," she told him, rising again. She gave Sif a nod and left the room.

Sif turned back to Keiichi. "I'll let you rest," she said. Standing up, she opened the door Belldandy had just walked through and followed her.

Belldandy was gone, but Urd was leaning against her door nearby.

"Hey, Sif," the Norn greeted. "Everything okay?"

"Urd," Sif began, leaning against the wall next to her. "What is the nature of Keiichi sama and Belldandy's relationship?"

Urd smiled. "Very close," she said, adding a lie a moment later. "They're lovers, after all."

"Are they?" Sif asked with a nod. Urd blinked. While Belldandy hadn't wanted to hurt Sif's feelings, Urd knew the only end to this stalemate with Belldandy coming out on top lay at the end of a trail of Sif's tears. And Urd was prepared to hack that trail out of the wilderness herself if Belldandy couldn't.

However, Sif didn't seem the least bit fazed.

"I just saw them," Sif said. "Belldandy seemed quite... affectionate... toward him."

"Well, you know how lovers are," Urd told her. "There's that level of comfort with one another that simply comes from night after night of intimacy."

"Yes, that is so," Sif said, still unmoved by Urd's words. "She did seem very comfortable with him." She paused. "Which makes me wonder why she was acting."

"Acting?" Urd asked.

Sif turned to her. "In_deed_," she said quietly. "Belldandy and I were in the same drama class in school, remember? Every goddess needed a muse credit to graduate, and Belldandy was always quite good... but she had tells. You know how she is, she can't bring herself to lie, even on stage. So when she acted, she always had a sign to let people know she was just pretending." She smiled at Urd, something happily predatory, like a lynx catching the scent of a rabbit on the wind. "She plays with her hair."

Urd listened in almost horrified fascination.

"She's... not as close to Keiichi sama as she tried to lead me to believe... is she?" Sif asked. "Not as close as you make her out to be now..."

"Look, all I'm saying is that the noise keeps me up at night..." Urd began, laughing nervously.

"Not even close," Sif told her. She faced Urd head on. "Which tells me one very important thing. Keiichi sama... is still in play."

Urd folded her arms over her chest. "Look, Belldandy doesn't want to see you hurt, okay?" she said. "But I'm going to be honest with you. You don't stand a chance."

"Don't I?" Sif asked her, not becoming visibly upset for the first time. "He is _my_ destiny! I know it! Our meeting was not chance! It was written in the stars!"

Urd smiled. "Those same stars sent Belldandy here," she said quietly. "Made Keiichi wish for her to stay..."

"Yes, I'm sure they did," Sif replied. "Just as those same stars took a recommendation from a certain goddess first class to _put Keiichi sama on the wish list to begin with_."

Urd froze. "You didn't..." she whispered.

Sif glared at her angrily. "I did. To properly thank him for his gentlemanly assistance."

"He doesn't love you," Urd told her, trying to be sympathetic in spite of the young goddess's obvious intentions. "He loves Belldandy... He wished for _her _to stay with him."

"Yes, he did," Sif replied. "But I saw him first. I won his heart _first!_ It was _me_ in his thoughts! When he thought of the woman of his dreams, it was _I_ whom that woman was based on!" She took a step back and looked Urd in the eye. "Or do you think he would have made that particular wish... if Belldandy didn't remind him so much of me?"

She turned and stalked down the hall. Urd had one last card to play. She turned to the woman.

"You'd do that to Belldandy?" she asked accusingly. "You'd hurt her that way? She's your _friend_, Sif!"

Sif stopped and turned back to her.

"I love Belldandy," Sif told her. "Like my own sister. But Keiichi sama is my destiny. That makes Belldandy and I rivals. I have no wish to see her hurt. But as you can see by her own little performance, she already sees us that way, and is already prepared to hurt me. There is nothing more I can do... except fight."

Urd watched her walk away and sighed.

Belldandy was in for one hell of a fight.


	2. Minuet

Disclaimer: AMG is not mine. If the Quests and Corridors sketch sounds familiar, it's because it's from the D&D comedy sketch by Dead Alewives. For those of you who are wondering where the next update of Choix is, no I haven't given up on it. I'm just taking a break. A fic like Choix, dark as it is, can be taxing, so every so often I have to run back to my comedic roots.

**Scordatura**

_Chapter 2_

_Minuet_

Urd grabbed Belldandy's arm and pulled her away from the kitchen stove, not speaking a word as her younger sister protested. She didn't release her until they were safely alone in Urd's room.

"You have trouble," Urd told her. "Big trouble."

Belldandy blinked. "What do you mean? It worked, didn't it? She saw me..."

Urd took a step back and played with her hair. "Yeah, she did! She saw you _acting_, Belldandy! Now she thinks Keiichi's in play, and that you're trying to take him from her!"

A horrified look flashed across Belldandy's face.

"She is more determined now than she was before," Urd told her quietly. "You're going to have to move quickly."

Belldandy turned away, her gaze downward. "I... It's not that I don't love him... or that I _have to_ act," she told her sister. "I just... I..."

"I know, Belldandy," Urd told her sympathetically. "What you and Keiichi have between you is sweet. It's the kind of innocent love that simply doesn't exist in this realm anymore. And if I thought you had a choice in the matter anymore..." She shook her head. "But you don't. You and Sif are very much alike, Belldandy, but she has a few key advantages on you; the worst one right now is that she genuinely loves Keiichi... and she's not _afraid_ to express it. You're going to have to do the same."

Belldandy turned back to Urd, not quite understanding what her sister wanted her to do.

Urd saw the question in her eyes and answered it bluntly. "You're going to have to put out."

888

Sif's heart was plagued with doubts and questions, and as such the blonde goddess craved clarity. Stepping onto the back porch, she kicked off her shoes and stepped into the courtyard, her gaze up toward the verdant trees blowing in the wind.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and summoned Ameri to her hands. The viola and bow manifested in her grasp, and she prepared to play. Drawing the bow over the strings, a slow, but somehow uplifting melody floated into the air. As one, the trees waving in the breeze before her began to move in synch, swaying from side to side in tune with her playing.

_This will be difficult for me,_ she conceded as her fingers moved over the strings, the tempo of her melody increasing.

_Because of your friendship with Belldandy?_ Ameri's musical contralto replied in her head. The voice of her familiar always left Sif feeling a little jealous. If she had a voice like that, she'd sing at least as well as Belldandy.

_I have no desire to hurt her feelings,_ Sif went on. _Everything here is just so wrong. Something happened, a mix-up of epic proportions. _

_Perhaps,_ Ameri told her. _Nothing happens without a reason. Perhaps there is a reason here..._

Sif's fingers halted, and the trees before her began to sway with the wind once again. She could feel a presence behind her. Turning, she saw him standing there.

"Keiichi sama..."

888

"Put out what?" Belldandy asked, blinking in confusion.

Urd took a breath, wondering if her sister was really that naive or just being coy. She cleared her throat and took Belldandy by the shoulders. "Belldandy, you're going to have to cement your relationship with Keiichi... intimately..."

Belldandy blinked again.

"You're going to have to sleep with him."

The younger Norn's face brightened. "You mean like a slumber party?!"

"No," Urd bit out in annoyance. "Not like a slumb... You know what?" she asked, giving up. "Yeah. That's what I mean. A slumber party. Just you and him... in the same bed... without clothes..."

"But Neesan that sounds a lot like..." Belldandy broke off, her hand going to her mouth as she gasped in shock. "Neesan!"

Urd rubbed her temples with her fingers. "I cannot believe Keiichi falls for this 'I'm so innocent, I must be hot' routine..."

Belldandy was still too shocked to register anything her sister said. A deep blush had suffused her face and neck, making the Norn practically glow in the dark.

Urd sighed and faced her. "Yes, I mean _that._ You have to do something that will simultaneously cement your relationship with Keiichi and erase all doubt in the minds of any other interested parties... meaning Sif... that Keiichi is yours."

Belldandy closed her eyes as she considered her sister's words. Urd watched, wondering how this decision could be so difficult. It wasn't as if Belldandy didn't love Keiichi. It wasn't as if she didn't want exactly what Urd was counseling. It was simply a matter of mustering the courage to do it.

The Norn opened her eyes again and faced her sister.

"No," she said quietly. "I won't do it."

888

Keiichi jumped as if caught doing something he shouldn't. He had heard Sif's playing from inside and went to investigate, drawn to the sound of the goddess's melody. Now, with her blue eyes turned on him, he suddenly felt as if he were intruding.

"I'm sorry," he said stupidly. "I just... I mean that was beautiful," he told her.

Her smile at these words brightened the entire courtyard. "Thank you!" she said quickly. "I'm so glad you enjoy my playing." A wonderful possibility ran through her head and she took a step toward him. "Do you play? We could duet!"

Keiichi held his hands up as if to ward off the idea. "Nah, I don't play anything," he said. "My grandma tried to teach me to play piano when I was a kid, but I didn't have the fingers for it."

"No?" Sif asked, blinking at his response. She bounded forward and suddenly took his hand, holding Ameri with the other. Keiichi blinked as the goddess examined his fingers critically, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated.

Finally, she relinquished his hand and smiled. "It's as I thought," she said knowingly. "Your hands are capable of great love."

"Love?" he asked with an arched eyebrow.

"In_deed_," she replied. "That's all music is, Keiichi sama. It's the sound of your soul's love."

"Well... Maybe, but... well... You have to have talent too, right?" he asked. "I mean... of course you're good at it, you're a goddess, but..."

Her face fell just a bit. "Please don't make that assumption, Keiichi sama," she begged quietly. "Being a goddess doesn't make one good at everything. Like anyone else, we work hard to acquire and perfect our talents."

He cleared his throat and blushed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to make light of your talent..."

She smiled again. "Would you like to try?" she asked, holding Ameri out to him.

"Me?" he asked, blinking.

"In_deed_," she replied.

"I don't know how," he said.

"Then I can teach you," she said, stepping forward and placing the viola in his hands. "Don't worry," she whispered as she stepped behind him. "Ameri is very gentle with first-timers."

Keiichi swallowed at the sound of Sif's words. Clearing his throat, he raised the viola to his neck, trying to find the right placement. Sif's hands found his and guided the instrument to the right spot.

"Gently," she cautioned. "Hold her gently... like you would hold me..."

He cleared his throat and turned a deeper shade of red. Sif reached over his shoulder and positioned his hand on the bow. "Now," she whispered, "Just draw back slowly..."

A high-pitched squeak rang out from the viola.

"Sorry," he said quickly.

Sif smiled behind him. "It's all right. Like any young lady taken too roughly, Ameri will voice her displeasure. But she won't punish you for it."

The boy's eyes fell on the musical instrument, and he actually blushed brighter at the comparison. "O...okay," he replied.

"Now," she whispered again. "Gently..." Her hand on his, she helped him slowly and steadily draw the bow over the strings. This time, a long, steady note emerged, drifting off as the end of the bow slowed to a stop over the instrument.

"You see?" she asked quietly into his ear. "That is half the battle."

He blinked and smiled. "That's not so hard," he said.

"Now, you move the bow, and I'll guide your hands," she said.

888

Urd sighed. "Look, Belldandy," she said with a smile. "I know it's a scary thought, but..."

"I'm not afraid, Neesan. That's not it," Belldandy told her, cutting her off. She took a breath and closed her eyes. "I'm not immune to those feelings, and I look forward to the day when Keiichi and I can express our love physically... but if I go to him now, it won't be an act of love. It will be one of desperation. And I won't do it."

The older goddess sighed again. "Belldandy, I understand where you're coming from, but..."

Belldandy suddenly held up a finger, stopping her as she cocked her head to the side. "Do you hear that?"

Urd listened closely. "Sounds like Sif playing her violin again..."

"Viola," Belldandy corrected.

"Yeah, I don't care..."

"Shhh!"

"It's just Sif playing her viola, Belldandy..."

Belldandy's eyes seemed to be searching for something only she could see. "That's not Sif's soul," she said. She turned and darted for the door. "It's Keiichi's!"

"Bell!" Urd called after her.

888

Belldandy reached the back steps and froze. Out in the courtyard, Sif was standing behind Keiichi, guiding his hand on the bow as he played. She looked away quickly, her face a mask of panic and uncertainty.

Urd caught up with her and saw what was going on. She grabbed Belldandy's wrist and pulled, forcing the younger goddess to look up at her.

"You have to do _something!_" Urd hissed at her. "They're _bonding!_"

"It's not my place," Belldandy said weakly.

"Dammit! It _is_ your place! That's what I've been telling you!" Urd cried. She watched Belldandy bite her lip. "BELLDANDY!"

The younger Norn turned and marched toward the couple. Urd blinked. "Oh, crap... She's not going to belt her, is she?" She blinked and grinned. "Oh, how _awesome_ would _that_ be?!"

Belldandy walked quietly up behind them, stopping about three meters from them. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath...

And started to sing.

In front of her, Sif's eyes snapped open as the sound of Belldandy's voice flowed into the melody she and Keiichi were playing. She felt Keiichi's hand take more control of the bow as if guided by Belldandy's voice. She wanted to be angry, but was so overwhelmed by the emotion in the music that she smiled and continued guiding Keiichi.

After several minutes, the song came to an end.

Keiichi opened his eyes and let out a breath. "Wow," he said. He turned and found both goddesses standing there. "That was..." He blushed. "Thank you," he told Sif.

"It was my pleasure, Keiichi sama," she replied. "It was beautiful."

He stared at the both of them for a hard minute, as if suddenly realizing what was happening. Chucking a thumb at the garage, he cleared his throat. "I... uh... I have some work to do."

"Dinner will be in about an hour, Keiichi san," Belldandy said with a smile.

He smiled back. "Okay! Great!" he replied. Turning, he started for the garage.

"That was beautiful, Sif," Belldandy told her sincerely.

Her friend turned to her and smiled. "Your singing made it, Belldandy. It was wonderful!"

Standing near the door, Skuld frowned and turned to Urd. "I don't get it. Shouldn't they hate each other now or something?"

Urd rolled her eyes. "You're missing the bigger picture here," she said. "Those two have been friends longer than you've been alive. They don't _want_ to throw that away over Keiichi, but they're reaching that point. Until they do, they can still fool themselves into thinking nothing will change."

"So what happens now?" Skuld asked.

"One of them gets Keiichi, and the other goes home," Urd told her.

Skuld blinked...

Then smiled.

She quickly hid it as Belldandy gave Sif a hug and turned back toward them, intent on finishing making dinner. As she entered the house, Urd clapped.

"Nicely done," she said.

Belldandy let out a breath. "Was it the right thing to do, though? They were having a nice time..."

"Belldandy, you could have marched up to Sif, grabbed her by the hair and pushed her face into the dirt, and it _still_ would have been the right thing to do," Urd told her. "You stalled her today, but it's still a stalemate."

The younger goddess didn't reply. She stepped into the kitchen where she could concentrate on a task she knew she could accomplish.

Urd sighed. "I swear that sister of ours..." She blinked as she realized Skuld was no longer there. "Skuld?"

888

"Hi, Keiichi," Skuld called out as she entered the tiny shed the college student used as a garage.

Keiichi looked up from the Beemer's engine. "Hey, Skuld," he replied. "What's up?"

The youngest of the goddesses shrugged. "Just hanging out." She hopped up onto the Beemer's seat and let her legs dangle. "Sif's pretty nice, huh?" she asked.

Keiichi didn't look up from the motorcycle's carburetor. "Yeah," he breathed. "She's wonderful."

Skuld smiled. "When I was growing up in Heaven, I always wanted to be just like her and Oneesama. Don't get me wrong, I love Oneesama, but Sif was always so... I don't know... just awesome..."

"Uh huh," Keiichi replied.

The girl's lips turned downward. This wasn't going well.

"Her cooking is phenomenal," Skuld told him.

"Yeah, but Belldandy's is better," Keiichi said.

"Sif... um... just _loves_ motorcycles!" Skuld gushed. "Especially..." She looked down at the Beemer. "Deutchland...um... ic... motorcycles..."

Keiichi looked up at her and arched an eyebrow. "I didn't get that impression."

"Well... she does."

"You know, Skuld, it sounds like you're trying to get me to..."

"BELLDANDY WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!" she suddenly blurted.

The world stopped spinning for a second. Skuld replayed the moment in her mind, trying to figure out where _that_ came from. Finally, she decided there was nothing to do but run with it.

"That's right!" she said with certainty. "A tail! Sif? Tail-free!"

Keiichi just blinked at her. "Are... Are we talking about a cute kitty-cat tail or like a demonic, pig-like tail?"

Skuld blinked at him. "What?!"

"What?!" Keiichi repeated.

The two stared at each other for several moments. Finally, Skuld shook her head, deciding to get off this trainwreck of a topic.

"Look!" she said, leveling an accusing finger at him. "The bottom line is you _promised_ Sif you would call her! And you _didn't_!"

"But..."

Skuld wouldn't let him go. She was finally on a roll.

"You went out with her! You ate her French toast, you _pig!_ You were in a relationship!"

"A relationship?!" he cried.

She nodded. "And you didn't even call her! You let her sit up in Heaven, waiting by a phone that would never ring! And while she was doing that, you were down here... with my _sister_... Eating _her_ French toast! You know what that makes you?!"

Keiichi opened his mouth to answer, but she cut him off.

"A CHEATER-CHEATER-PUMPKIN-EATER!" she shouted.

"I am not a cheater!" he protested.

"CHEATER-CHEATER-PUMPKIN-EATER!" she repeated. "You were in a relationship! You didn't end the relationship! You started another one! That makes you a cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater!"

"I don't even like pumpkins," he muttered.

"I guess you like them on French toast, you pig!" Skuld cried.

Groaning, Keiichi stood up and started for the house.

"I don't know why you're going that way!" Skuld cried after him. "The pumpkin patch is the other way, you cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater!"

Once the backdoor shut behind him, Skuld grinned.

"Win," she hissed.

888

In the courtyard, Sif played a soft melody for the trees as she let her mind drift, lightly touching on her current predicament.

_You were right! He _is_ cute!_ Ameri cried out in her head. _Of course, it's hard for me to be objective. After all, it's been a long time since a man tugged _my_ strings!_

_I told you so,_ Sif told her.

_He has gentle hands. I like that,_ Ameri gushed.

Sif smiled. _Yes, he does. _Her expression drooped a little. _It was going quite well until Belldandy came and turned our loving duet into a musical menage a trois!_

_You can't blame her,_ Ameri told her. _She's only doing what she feels she must to win that young man with the soft... soft... hands..._

_Focus, Ameri! I'm having a crisis!_ Sif begged.

_Sorry!_

Sif sighed. _I don't know what to do. I love Belldandy! I don't want to see her hurt! What good is having the man of my dreams if I have no friend to talk about him with? And if she wins Keiichi sama's heart, how could I ever be in the same room with them again without bursting into tears?!_

_Hmmmmmmm..._ Ameri replied in thought. _It's a pity those are your only choices..._

_What do you mean?_

_Well... didn't you notice how beautifully we all played together?_ Ameri asked. _We synched perfectly. Your playing, Belldandy's singing... Keichi's soft, loving hands..._

_Ameri..._

_Sorry! I'm focused! Really I am! _the viola said. _It just occurs to me that... well... if _all_ of you love one another... why can't you just _all_ be together?_

Sif's bow-hand stopped moving as her eyes popped open.

888

"Keiichi san?" Belldandy asked in concern. "Is everything all right?"

The college student looked up from his plate where he had, until that very moment, had been doing little more than pushing the noodles around with his chopsticks. His eyes met Belldandy's gaze, and he guiltily looked away.

"No, I'm okay," he said. "I'm just not that hungry tonight, that's all."

"Oh?" Belldandy asked. "Are you feeling all right?"

He nodded. To his right, Sif spoke up.

"It's wonderful, Belldandy," she said. "Your cooking has only gotten better over the years."

"Thank you, Sif," Belldandy replied with a smile. But the compliment couldn't keep her worry at bay. She turned back to Keiichi. "Would you prefer something else, Keiichi san?"

"No," he said, plastering on a smile. "It's good, really. I'm just not hungry..."

From the other side of the table, Skuld spoke up. "Maybe you'd prefer something with _pumpkins_?"

Keiichi sighed.

"I could make pumpkin pie!" Belldandy suggested.

"No," Keiichi said, standing up. "Thank you, but... I'm going out for a bit. I'll see you tonight."

"Oh... All right," Belldandy said, deflating a bit.

They watched Keiichi leave the kitchen, picking up his motorcycle helmet off the counter on his way out.

"Keiichi sama seems troubled," Sif noted sadly.

"Hai," Belldandy agreed, taking a bite from her own dinner.

"We should do something nice for him," Sif declared with a smile.

"You could have a threesome," Urd suggested.

Belldandy started to choke, and Sif turned bright red.

"I think you mean a 'trio,'" Sif corrected, leaning over and slapping Belldandy on the back until she could breathe again. "Like we had today."

"I know what I said," Urd said with a grin.

"Perhaps one of us should go to him," Sif suggested, looking at the door Keiichi had left through.

"Let him be," Urd counseled. "He has a lot on his mind."

888

Keiichi wanted to be alone to think and figured the Auto Club clubhouse would be perfect. At this time of night, no one would be there and he could sit at the workbench and think about his problem while he worked on one of the mini-bike frames. So he was rather surprised when he found the lights on as he arrived.

Turning the knob, he was surprised again when he found it unlocked. Pushing the door open, he stood in the doorway, shocked beyond comment at what he saw.

"Oh... my... goddess," he announced.

Tamiya, Otaki and Hasegawa sat on one side of a large, rectangular table, a large map spread across it. But it wasn't what sat on the table that stirred his amazement. It was the pair of pointed elf ears Tamiya wore and the knight's helmet on Otaki's head. Seeing his expression, Hasegawa sighed.

"Hail and well met, Morisato," Tamiya rumbled. "Hast thou come to join our righteous quest?"

"What the holy hell is going on here?!" Keiichi demanded.

"Baka!" Tamiya roared. "If you bothered to read the newsletter Otaki writes, you'd know we're here to defend the Auto Club's honor against the knaves who would sully it!"

"Are you on drugs?!" Keiichi demanded. "You know what will happen if the Dean finds drugs in this clubhouse?!"

"Peace, noble Morisato," Otaki said. "We have come to quest on beh..."

"One of you speak Japanese!" Keiichi demanded.

Hasegawa sighed. "We're playing Quests and Corridors," she said. "It's cheaper than the gas and maintenance costs of actually racing."

"What?!" Keiichi asked.

She buried her face in her hands. "Both clubs are low on funds this quarter, so we're competing at other things," she explained. "Tomorrow it's bowling..."

"Wait," Keiichi said. "Competing with who?"

"Ah, Morisato kun."

Keiichi heard the voice behind him, but didn't turn. If he turned, he'd have to acknowledge the reality.

"Oh, come on," he whispered. "No way."

Finally, he turned and gave a start. Aoshima stood before him along with three other members of the Four Wheels Club. He held a wooden rapier casually over his shoulder.

"Aoshima," Keiichi replied.

"Is he your fourth?" the Four Wheels Club president asked Tamiya.

Tamiya growled low in his throat. Just before Keiichi had walked in he had gotten a call from Takehiro saying he wasn't going to make it.

"That's right," he said.

"Huh?!"

"Have a seat, Keiichi of Nekomia!"

"No! No way! I'm no Q 'n C nerd!"

"Neither am I," Aoshima sighed. "But a challenge is a challenge!"

Tamiya pulled a chair out and casually... but with an air of threat... raised his foam-covered PVC pipe broadsword. "Now sit."

Keiichi looked up at the sky. "Nice one," he said, giving the Almighty the point.

"Enough griping," Tamiya rumbled. "You can be the Paladin."

"Ugh," Keiichi complained as he sat down. "The Paladin is the girly-class!"

888

"Heading to the bath?" Sif asked as Belldandy emerged from her room wrapped in a peach-colored towel.

Seeing Sif dressed the same way, the goddess smiled. "Hai. You?"

"The same."

"I can wait..."

"No," Sif told her. "Actually, I'd like to talk to you... privately."

Belldandy blinked. "Of course."

The two goddesses entered the bath and disrobed before immersing themselves in the steaming water. Belldandy leaned back and let the warm water soothe her.

"Here," Sif said, moving toward her. "I'll scrub your back."

"Thank you," Belldandy told her, turning her back to her friend. She felt the other goddess move the wash cloth up and down her spine. "So what did you want to discuss?" she asked.

"Our... situation," Sif told her as she scrubbed. "It's unfortunate."

Belldandy looked down at the water. "Hai," she whispered. "It is."

"I don't doubt that you love him," Sif told her sadly. "And I know you don't doubt mine for him."

Belldandy nodded, but didn't reply.

"Which would appear to mean that one of us must give him up to the other," Sif continued. She moved the wash cloth over Belldandy's shoulders. "But... upon further reflection, I believe Destiny might have something else in mind."

The Norn blinked. "Oh?"

"In_deed_," Sif replied. "After all, why us?"

"What do you mean?" Belldandy asked, still unsure of where her friend was going with all of this.

"I mean, I've heard of love triangles, but never one as perfect as this," Sif told her, pausing in her scrubbing. "You love Keiichi sama. I love Keiichi sama. You and I have always been as close as sisters. A perfect triangle, a tragedy simply waiting to happen. A game the goddesses of irony have played on men and women for millenia. But... what if we refuse to play? What if, instead of playing by the rules they set down, we do something else?"

"Like what?"

Sif squeezed Belldandy's shoulders. "We can share him."

888

"Gulstaff, you have entered the door to the north," Hasegawa said, DM-ing for Aoshima's group. The lights were turned out and the table was lit by two lilac-scented Yankee Candles Otaki had brought from his dorm room. "You are now by yourself, standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls..."

"Where are the Cheetos!?" Otaki called from the other side of the clubhouse.

Hasegawa broke off her narration and sighed. "They're right next to you!" she shouted.

"I cast a spell," Aoshima said, holding a finger in the air.

"Where's the Mountain Dew?!" Otaki called out again.

"In the fridge! Duh!" the DM returned.

"I want to cast a spell," Aoshima repeated in annoyance.

"Can I have a Mountain Dew!?"

"Yes, you can have a Mountain Dew! Just go get it!" Hasegawa shouted.

Aoshima flipped through the Q and C handbook. "I can cast any of these, right? On the list?"

"Yes, any of the first level ones," Hasegawa told him.

"I'm gonna get a soda!" Otaki called from the fridge. "Anyone want one! Hey, Hasegawa, I'm not in the room right?"

"What room?!" Hasegawa screamed back.

"I want to cast 'Magic Missile,'" Aoshima announced, ignoring the byplay.

"The room where he's casting all these spells from?"

"He hasn't cast anything yet!" Hasegawa shouted back.

Sitting next to her, Keiichi rubbed his temples.

"I am, if you would listen!" Aoshima sneered. "I'm casting 'Magic Missile.'"

"Why would you cast Magic Missile?" Hasegawa asked. "There's nothing to attack here!"

"For god's sake!" Keiichi cried. "Just let him cast the goddamn Magic Missile!"

"Paladins shouldn't curse," Tamiya noted.

"Hey, I don't have to take that from a wood elf!" Keiichi snarled, pointing a finger at the senpai's chest.

"Hey!" Otaki cried out again from the fridge. "Where am I?"

"You're at the tavern!" Hasegawa shouted back.

"Cool! I get drunk!"

As one, Keiichi and Hasegawa sighed.

"Okay! Enough!" Hasegawa cried, turning to Aoshima. "Gulstaff, You still carry the beating monkey's heart of Gatsu Gibi in your hand. Suddenly, a luminous being in the shape of a woman appears before you..."

"Is she hot?"

"What?" Hasegawa asked, thrown off by the question.

"Is she hot?" Aoshima asked again.

"Um... Yeah, sure, I guess so..." the DM replied.

"Can I ask her to sleep with me?"

Hasegawa rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine! Roll a charisma check."

Aoshima rolled the dice and grinned. "Twenty! Another woman who cannot resist!" he cried.

The DM grinned. "The woman turns out to be a succubus and consumes your soul!"

"What?! That's nonsense!"

Hasegawa turned to Keiichi. "Keiichi of Nekomia, you..."

"I turn my dagger on myself and plunge it into my stomach!" Keiichi suddenly announced.

The Auto Club woman blinked. "Um... Okay... Roll initiative? I guess..."

Keiichi rolled the dice.

"TWENTY! I am dead and out of here!" He grabbed his motorcycle helmet and started for the door. "Sorry, guys! The ancient land of Lodoss is a dangerous bitch-goddess! Have a good one! Good luck!"

The door slammed behind him.

"Newb," Tamiya noted.

"Anyone else want a soda?!" Otaki asked.

888

Belldandy pulled away from Sif and looked at her in shock. "Share him?!"

Unperturbed, Sif nodded. "In_deed_," she said. Seeing the completely flabbergasted look on her friend's face, she leaned back against the side of the bath and casually washed her neck. "It's the ideal solution," she said. "We each get Keiichi sama's love, and Keiichi sama enjoys the love of two goddesses. The three of us can live together here... like a family."

Belldandy blinked. "It won't work. Mortals are monogamous."

"But we're _not_ mortals," Sif retorted with a smile. "Think about it, Belldandy. We can all be together! This is a solution that could only work with the three of us, a group already predisposed to loving one another!"

The Norn said nothing, still shocked at the very idea. Sif pressed her argument.

"Consider the benefits," she said, moving toward Belldandy and placing her hands on the Norn's shoulders. "One: We would always get to be together. Two: While demons like Marller roll the dice and take their chances trying to attack you, it would simply be suicidal to attack _two_ first-class goddesses, ensuring Keiichi's safety from the Demon Realm forever. Three: There would always be someone there to help with the chores or to watch after the children..."

"Sif," Belldandy breathed. She closed her eyes. "No... I can't."

The other goddess squeezed her shoulders. "Belldandy! This is a way out for us both! Don't you see? We can _both _be happy! No one must be hurt!"

"I know," Belldandy whispered as she gazed sadly at the water. "But I still can't."

"What?!"

The Norn wouldn't... couldn't... meet her friend's gaze. "Sif... I love him. And I know this makes me a horrible person... but I don't want to share him in that way. He's sweet and kind... and there's a part of me... a selfish and self-centered part... that wants him to only be sweet and kind to me."

It was Sif's turn to look flabbergasted. She stared at Belldandy as if her friend had grown a second head.

Belldandy finally met her stunned gaze, tears in her eyes. "It's the weakness in my heart, Sif," she said. "But I can't help it. I can't share his love. I would rather take the chance that he chooses... another... than ask him to divide his feelings. At least, if he chose another... I can know he's happy..."

Sif blinked back tears. "You know what this means?" she asked. "You realize what you're doing? I offered us a compromise!"

"I know," Belldandy said sadly. "And as a goddess, I've always looked for the compromise, to find a way to make everyone happy... But when it comes to Keiichi's love... there can be no compromise."

Sif stood up and wrapped her towel around herself, tears running down her face. "And in saying so you have made us rivals," she accused. "One of us will be forced to live without the warmth of Keiichi sama's heart." She turned to her friend, her eyes alight with anger and pain. "And as the Almighty as my witness, Belldandy, that one will _not be me!_" She took a halting, sobbing breath. "Not this time! Not again!"

"Sif!" Belldandy cried painfully after her. "Please! You're my friend! I love you! I just..."

"You just can't bear the thought of letting someone you love love me as well," Sif finished for her sadly. She bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "I love you, Belldandy. But right now... I don't _like_ you very much."

With that, the goddess turned on her heel and marched out of the bath, water still dripping from her body.

Belldandy sank into the water and buried her face in her hands, crying. She had just ended a friendship of thousands of years for the sake of a boy she'd only kissed twice.

The saddest part was, she couldn't say she was wrong.


	3. Alteration

Disclaimer: AMG is not mine.

**Scordatura**

_Chapter 3_

_Alteration_

"Hello, I'm trying to reach Tam..."

"Hello!" a musical voice called from the other end of the phone. "You've reached the Goddess Help Line! I'll be there in just a moment to handle your case!"

Before he could get out another word, the phone clicked. Keiichi blinked. "Well, that was weird. Wrong number, I guess..."

Unnoticed behind him, his mirror started to glow a bright blue. When he finally turned, there was a head sticking out of it. He cried out in shock and scooted to the far wall as a young woman floated down from the mirror and landed gently on the floor below.

"Good afternoon," she said in a musical voice. Bangles in her golden hair rang softly as she moved. "I am the goddess Sif, and I am here to grant your fondest wish..."

Keiichi's eyes shot open, and he took a breath, letting the last vestiges of the dream float away. It didn't happen that way. That's not how he met Sif. She hadn't come offering him whatever he wanted. She had bumped into him on the street. It was... normal.

He rolled over onto his side as his mind went over the situation again and again. He loved Belldandy... but at the same time Skuld was right. He had loved Sif... even if only briefly... and she deserved better than to have waited by a phone.

_But I don't love her anymore, right?_ he asked himself.

The question itself sounded odd. How do you just not love someone anymore? He never understood how people could make that claim, that they simply "fell out of love." And in truth, he hadn't fallen out of love with Sif, he never had the chance.

_Do I still love Sif?_ _Do I love her the way I love Belldandy?_

Was that impossible?

_Shouldn't it be?_ he asked himself. _You're only supposed to love one person, right?_

Because love is just that easy and cut and dried, right?

_How might things have been different?_ he wondered. _If I had suspended my belief in the callousness of people and just _tried_ the number she gave me?_

What about Belldandy?

_Would we have even met then?_

Would you have cared?

He sighed and opened his eyes...

And cried out, rolling away and off the futon and scooting to the far wall. There, in his futon, like a horse's head from a mobster movie, was a Jack-O'Lantern.

888

_I understand you're upset, but must you play me so hard?_

Sif opened her eyes as she went through the piece again, practically grinding the bow into Ameri's strings. Outside, beneath the trees in the courtyard, she was running through her morning routine, but this morning she threw out her usual, uplifting music and played something faster, more intense...

Angrier...

_I'm sorry,_ she thought quietly, closing her eyes again to communicate with the viola. _It's just... I was so certain that was the way. That Destiny had engineered this for the purpose of allowing all three of us to be happy. For Belldandy... of all people... to try to deny happiness to someone... to her friend! I'm just having a hard time digesting it._

_She is a goddess like you,_ Ameri reminded her. _She is guided by her wants and desires just as you are. _

_A large part of my desire was for _her_ to be happy!_ Sif reminded her instrument. _Satisfying the needs of my own heart wasn't enough! Don't you realize that?! I wanted us both to be happy!_

Ameri thought on this. _And now?_ the viola asked.

_Now... Now I know where we both stand,_ Sif told her sadly.

She opened her eyes and found soft brown orbs staring back at her. Gasping, she stepped back a pace, and so did the owner of those eyes.

"I'm sorry," Keiichi told her. "I... just wanted to talk to you, but you seemed so... busy... I guess... that I didn't want to disturb you."

She blinked and smiled. "You never have to worry about such a thing, Keiichi sama," she said.

888

Standing in Keiichi's room, Urd held up the Jack-O'Lantern and shook her head. "Who puts a pumpkin in a guy's bed?"

"I know!" Skuld replied. "It seems like such a senseless crime!"

The older goddess's eyes narrowed and she sighed. "Jesus, Skuld..."

"You think _Jesus_ did this?!" Skuld cried in mock horror. "But he always seemed like such a nice guy!"

Urd's eyebrow twitched. "What's your game, Skuld?" she demanded. "It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Granted, I'm not sure exactly how pumpkins factor in to getting Keiichi and Sif together, but that's the goal, right?"

Skuld frowned as she looked up at her half-sister. "Look, he cheated on Sif! Which means that it's only a matter of time before he cheats on Oneesama, all right?! I'm the good guy here, okay!" She puffed her chest out. "I should be commended for my forward thinking..."

"It's not the same thing," Urd explained with a sigh. "Keiichi and Sif didn't have a 'relationship,'" she said, making the quote sign with her fingers.

"They did so!" Skuld retorted. "It's straight out of Oneesama's love-love recipe book!" She scowled. "He ate her French toast, for the love of God!"

"Oh, everyone's eaten that French toast!" Urd shot back. She clammed up a moment later and refused to say more.

"What do you mean?" Skuld asked, her eyes narrowing.

Urd looked down at her younger sister and wondered how much she should say. "Let's just say... that Sif has a reputation."

"Huh?"

888

"Are you all right?" Sif asked him as she casually plucked at Ameri's strings. "You said you wanted privacy... and this is pretty private. It also has a wonderful view!"

Sitting next to her in the tree branch nearly fifty feet above the courtyard, Keiichi wedged himself into the tree trunk and another branch to make sure he wouldn't fall. "No," he said. "It's... It's great. I just... wasn't expecting it."

Sif smiled.

_Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!_ Ameri cried in her head. _Let him hold me! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!_

The goddess frowned just a bit. _Honestly, Ameri! Isn't one rival enough?!_

She turned her attention back to Keiichi. "So, Keiichi sama," she began, swinging her legs in the air below, "What did you want to talk about?"

The boy looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I just wanted to know," he said quietly. "Why me?"

"Why you?" she asked with a blink.

"Yeah," he said. "We were together for a week, and it was one of the best times of my life," he told her. "But you seem to think of it as some kind of life-changing experience. And I mean... I couldn't have been the cause of _that_."

Sif bit her lip.

"I just want to understand," he said. "I'm not trying to say your feelings aren't genuine, it's just... I know what I feel, and I know why I feel it. I want to know why you feel the way you do."

"Keiichi sama," she began quietly, looking down at the ground below. "You don't give yourself enough credit. You sell yourself short, speak only of the things about yourself you consider failings. You don't realize the way you touch people," she told him sadly. "When I met you... I was coming from a dark place..."

_You're going to tell him about Loki?_ Ameri asked in surprise. _You've never told anyone about Loki!_

"What do you mean?" Keiichi asked.

"A few months before we met, I was approached by a young, boorish god named Loki," Sif told him. "I rebuffed his overtures, and he took it... badly." She cleared her throat. "Keiichi, it's going to sound like a petty thing, but please understand that a goddess's virtue is very important to her. It's something we safeguard. When I refused to... associate... with Loki, he was angry and upset. He started to say things about me, tell stories about how... easy... a conquest I was."

Keiichi swallowed nervously, realizing that Sif was telling him something painful.

"There is a saying," she said. "'A falsehood can circle the Earth three times before the truth is finished tying its shoes.' And as a trickster god, Loki was quite good at spreading falsehood. The important people in my life, my family... Belldandy... didn't believe them, of course. But it still stained me in the eyes of others."

She paused and took a painful breath. "You don't know how painful it can be, Keiichi sama... to look into the eyes of your peers, your instructors... and wonder if they think you're a whore..."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes but a smile on her face. "Don't be. Ever," she said. "Because it was you who turned it around."

888

"Come on!" Skuld cried. "Sif?! I don't believe it!"

Urd shrugged. "Heard it from Eostre. What can I say?"

"It sounds like crap to me," Skuld growled, folding her arms over her chest.

"Me too, to be honest," Urd told her. "However," she broke off, her eyes narrowing.

"Urd," Skuld said in a warning tone. "What are you thinking?"

"Just that things aren't going well for our dear sister," Urd told her. "And that... accurate or not... such information could tip the scal..."

"_Absolutely not!_"

Stunned, they both turned and found Belldandy standing in the doorway, a laundry basket gripped firmly in her hands, and a look of supreme anger marring her usually beautiful face.

"Belldandy," Urd gasped in surprise.

"That is, by far, the most despicable idea I've ever heard, Neesan!" Belldandy cried.

"You have a better idea?" Urd asked her.

"Can you possibly think of a worse one?" Belldandy countered. "I will not hurt Sif further by lowering her standing in Keiichi san's eyes!"

"You're losing," Urd told her point-blank. "You won't cement your relationship with Keiichi, which would end this immediately..."

"I explained that," Belldandy told her.

"And you won't attack Sif either," Urd finished. "You're doing it again! You're standing off to the side and hoping that Keiichi won't choose the other girl! It's not going to work this time!"

"I want Keiichi san to choose me," Belldandy told her quietly. "I do. I love him. But if he loves me at all right now it's because of who I am, and attacking Sif's reputation on the basis of rumors and lies spat forth by a god who's _known_ for his skill at spreading rumors and lies is _not who I am!_"

Urd put her hands on her hips. "But it _is_ you to act like there's more to your relationship than there is, right?" she asked. Belldandy's eyes went wide. It was a low blow. After all, it was Urd's suggestion that she do exactly that. "It's kinda hard to hold the moral high ground when we're all standing in the mud..."

888

"What do you mean?" Keiichi asked.

Sif looked downward again. "Months later, I couldn't bear it anymore. I decided to get away for awhile, from all of it. From Heaven, from being a goddess, all of it. I even left Ameri behind. My confidence in people was at an all time low, and to truly be a goddess, you have to be able to see the best in others. I could no longer do that." She looked up at him again. "Until I met you."

Keiichi blinked. "I... I didn't do anything, though! I just..."

"Helped a stranger," she told him. "Without expectation of reward or thanks. You didn't have to. You could have let me walk away, but you didn't. And for the rest of that week, you treated me... You treated me like the goddess I wanted to be... and not the goddess I was starting to believe I was."

The college student was speechless for a moment. "I just did what anyone wo..."

"No, you didn't, Keiichi sama," she interrupted. "That's what I'm telling you." She smiled. "In man, I found godliness. In you, I found love. I can never ever repay you for that."

"And then I didn't call," he growled in self-reproach. "You must have thought..."

"I thought many things," she said. "But never the worst. Not of you. I feared that something had happened to you, or that you simply lost the number." She chuckled to herself. "For awhile... I even thought that perhaps you weren't even real, that you were conjured by the Almighty to help me heal."

"I had no idea, Sif," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't you ever be sorry!" she cried. "Ever! You restored my faith."

He didn't reply. An uncomfortable silence fell on them, leaving the rustling of leaves and swaying trees as the only sounds.

_Okay, enough,_ Ameri said. _My turn. Come on, Sif! Pleeeeeaaaase?!_ she whined.

Sif rolled her eyes and turned to Keiichi, holding the viola out to him. "Ameri would like it very much if you were to hold her for a bit."

He blinked. "Ameri would?" he asked. "You talk about her like she's alive."

"She is," Sif told him, blinking. "She's my familiar."

"Familiar?"

"In_deed_," she said. "An extension of my heart and soul given form."

"You mean like an angel?" Keiichi asked, taking the viola from her.

"Somewhat," she allowed. "An angel is a reflection, a mirror image of one's soul. A familiar is an extension of it. Understand?"

"Not really," he said, holding the instrument carefully.

She smiled. "Let's just say that when you hold Ameri... you hold me as well."

He blushed. "But you said _she_..."

"She has her own thoughts and feelings to be sure," she said. "As a matter of fact, it's because she enjoys being held by you so much that she asks you to hold her now."

The boy turned bright red. "Oh," he said stupidly. He cleared his throat and held the viola the way Sif taught him to.

"If you let go of conscious thought," she said, "You might be able to hear her. It's unlikely, but possible..."

_Let go of conscious thought, huh?_ he thought, closing his eyes. _Okay..._

_Oooh! You shaved today!_

His eyes shot open and he reflexively let go of the viola, sending it falling toward the ground below!

888

The viola screamed all the way down and yet miraculously managed to avoid striking any branches on its way to the courtyard below...

Only to land in a pile of clean underwear.

Belldandy looked down, blinking at the sudden appearance of the viola in her laundry basket. Putting the basket down, she picked the viola up and smiled.

"Hello, Ameri san!" she greeted happily.

_Hi, Belldandy!_ Ameri replied. _Little help?_

"Sure!" she replied. She looked up and blinked in surprise. Sif and Keiichi were sitting near the top of the tree. Sif sighed in relief at seeing Belldandy had caught her viola.

Belldandy, meanwhile, felt tears well up in her eyes.

_Sif... and Keiichi..._ she thought. _...sitting in a tree..._

Hearing the thought, Ameri decided to "help." _K-I-S-S-I-N-G?_ she finished.

"You... You dropped this," Belldandy said. Gathering strength into her arm, she swung the viola under-arm and threw it up into the tree where it landed in Sif's arms.

"Belldandy!" Keiichi called down.

"I have to bring the laundry in," she said sadly. "Sorry to interrupt."

She picked up the basket and rushed back toward the house.

"Oh, jeez," Keiichi whispered. "I gotta go."

He started to climb down from the tree.

"Keiichi sama, don't be foolish!" Sif told him, grabbing his arm. "Let me help you."

888

Belldandy put the laundry down and grasped the edges of the table with her hands, taking deep but panicked breaths.

_Neesan is right!_ she thought. _I'm losing! I'm LOSING him!_

"Belldandy?"

She turned and found him in the doorway. Quickly composing herself, she smiled weakly. "Keiichi san," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you and... Sif," she choked out.

"You really weren't interrupting anything," he said. "I just wanted to ask her something, that's all."

"Oh?" she asked, wanting to prod for specifics but at the same time afraid to.

"Yeah," he said. "I... I just wanted to know where she was coming from, that's all."

She blinked at him. "She comes from Heaven," she answered.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Yeah, she does." He paused before trying again. "Belldandy, I..."

"Keiichi san, I want you to know that whatever you decide to do in regards to Sif, it's all right," she interrupted.

He blinked. "It is?"

She nodded. "Hai." Putting on a smile for his benefit, she went on. "It's our job as goddesses to make you happy. So it's important... to all of us... that you do what makes _you_ happy."

"Belldandy," he muttered, not sure he believed what he was hearing. "Um... Okay," he said, clearing his throat. "I think... I think I'm going to go for a ride. I'll see you later, okay?"

She nodded, and he walked out of the house.

Leaving her to cry.

888

_Why did you do that?_ Ameri asked as Sif gently played from her perch in the tree.

_Do what?_

_Helped him go after Belldandy,_ the viola elaborated. _I thought that the goal was to get him to run to you._

Sif thought hard on this. Yes, it hurt to see him run after Belldandy, and they had been connecting well up until then... but...

_Keiichi sama is his own man who will forge his own destiny,_ she thought back to the musical instrument. _Should I have tried to keep him in this tree with me? Forced him to stay? I want Keiichi sama to come to me._ _For that to happen, I want him to see the good in me, not the bad._

_What about the inverse?_ Ameri asked.

_Explain, please._

The viola continued. _Well... we've known Belldandy a long time. She is not without her secrets..._

Sif stopped playing and held the viola out in front of her, a scowl playing on her features. "You mean do what Loki did to me?" she asked the instrument aloud. "Run to Keiichi with embarrassing tales of Belldandy told to us in confidence? I won't have it!"

_I thought you wanted to win Keiichi?_ Ameri asked, genuinely confused. _All is fair in love and war..._

"This is not a war," Sif hissed at her. "And tearing down a woman who's been our good and trusted friend for millenia is _not love_!"

Chastised, Ameri went silent.

Sif's face softened. _Ameri, I need you, _she thought to her familiar. _I can't do this by myself._

The viola was silent for a moment more.

_Then may I make a suggestion?_ she asked.

_Please do._

_If you want to concentrate only on your attributes, we need to make Keiichi look more favorably on you consciously and unconsciously._

_Go on,_ Sif prompted.

_A goddess's role is to make people happy, _Ameri continued. _Let's make Keiichi happy._

_How?_

_I know a spell..._

"Hey!"

Sif blinked and looked down to find Skuld fighting her way up the branches of the tree toward her.

"I'm coming up!" she called to her.

Blinking, Sif decided to take pity on the girl and hopped nimbly downward toward the branch Skuld was currently holding. Landing gently there, Skuld started, but managed to pull herself up to a sitting position.

"Hey!" she said with a smile.

"Hello," Sif said carefully. Belldandy's sisters, after all, were friends, but also their sister's allies.

"Whatcha do'in?" Skuld asked gamely.

"Just listening to the wind," Sif told her. "Ameri and I were talking about Keiichi sama."

"Oh yeah?" Skuld asked, a touch of excitement in her voice. "He's really _really_ great, you know," she said. "I think he's probably the best mortal guy there is... like... _ever._"

"You sound like you're trying to sell him to me," Sif said with a gentle smile.

Skuld swallowed. "Yeah... well... He has trouble sometimes communicating his good qualities," she said. "Of which he has several... Did you know, for instance, that here on Earth, being short is considered handsome?"

"Is it?" Sif asked with a knowing nod.

"Uh huh! And you know what they say about guys with big eyebrows, right?"

"Skuld," Sif interrupted. "What do you want?"

The Norn studied her sister's friend's face and decided to cut through it. "I want you to take over Oneesama's wish so she can come home with me."

"I see," Sif said quietly.

_Don't dismiss her,_ Ameri advised, still clutched in Sif's hand. _You were just saying you couldn't do this alone..._

Sif's eyes shifted back to Skuld. "And for that to happen, of course, Keiichi sama must want for me to stay..."

"Right!"

"And you can do that to your sister?" Sif asked.

Skuld's face scrunched up, regret touching her eyes for the first time. "She's only here because of that wish," she said. "If you want to take it on, and he wants you to take it on, why shouldn't you?"

"I see," Sif said. "Ameri and I were just discussing ways to make Keiichi happy, and that through doing so, he will wish for me to stay. For that we will need..."

_Hair,_ Ameri finished. _I need a strand of his hair._

"Some hair," Sif finished. "Can you arrange that?"

Skuld grinned evilly and pulled out a set of electric shears. "No sweat!"

888

Keiichi looked dead ahead as he steered the Beemer into the clubhouse parking spot. This time, he would be able to think. Quests and Corridors night was last night, so the place should be de...

"Morisato!" Tamiya rumbled as Keiichi pushed the door open.

"Oh, goddess, no," Keiichi muttered at the sight that met him.

Tamiya, Otaki and Hasegawa were turning off lights, obviously on their way out the door, but just as last night, it was their clothing that caught his attention. They each wore hot pink shirts with the words, "Nekomi Tech Auto Club" stenciled across the top of the back. Under it, in big, blue capital letters, was the word, "BALLERS!"

"You're just in time," Tamiya told him. "Takehiro had to take his mom to the hospital. You're our fourth." He tossed a shirt to Keiichi.

"Fourth what?" Keiichi asked.

"BAKA!" Tamiya roared. "Weren't you paying attention?! It's bowling night! We take on the Four Wheels Club in half an hour! Suit up!"

"I don't have a ball," Keiichi muttered desperately.

"If there's one thing the Auto Club has plenty of," Tamiya rumbled. "It's _balls_!"

"I don't know how to play," Keiichi lied.

"You'll learn fast," Tamiya told him. "Get in the car."

888

"You told him _what_?!" Urd cried, her hands slamming against the table top.

On the other side of the table, Belldandy was pacing back and forth in worry. "That it was okay," she blubbered. "That whatever he wanted to do was fine as long as he was happy."

"And let me guess," Urd said with a knowing nod, a thoroughly pissed-off expression marring her features. "He looked disappointed and confused and then did his damndest to get out of this room as fast as his feet would carry him."

Belldandy stopped and looked up at her in shock. "Yes," she gasped out. "Yes, exactly!"

Urd buried her face in her hands, disappointed in and sad for her sister. "You just dismissed him, Belldandy," she said, looking up at her sister. "You gave him an out."

"What do you mean?!" Belldandy cried, confused by all of it.

"Let me translate for you," Urd said. She cleared her throat and turned to the side as if addressing someone who wasn't there. "Keiichi," she said, "Whatever you decide is okay. If Sif makes you happy, that's perfectly all right with me." She lowered her voice. "Translation: Keiichi, this is the moment I've been waiting for. Finally, I can leave this realm with a clear conscience. I hope you and Sif are ecstatically happy together. _Please send me pictures of your first baby!_" She turned to Belldandy and grimaced.

"Is... Is that what that means?" Belldandy asked, her face pale.

"More or less," Urd replied. "I left out the part about how you never liked him anyway."

"Oh, Almighty!" Belldandy cried, covering her eyes with her hand and collapsing into a seat at the table.

Urd watched her for several moments before asking, "What do you want to do now?"

Belldandy's hand went from her eyes to her mouth, and Urd saw the terrified look in her sister's blue orbs. Finally, Belldandy was starting to understand.

"I need to do something," Belldandy whispered.

"That would be good," Urd agreed.

Belldandy's eyes found her sister's. "Neesan," she began, rising to her feet. "Please..." She swallowed nervously, ashamed of what she was about to do. "Please... teach me how to seduce Keiichi san."

888

"Oh, wow, that's awful!" Hasegawa said as she tied the laces on her bowling shoes. Alone together down in the pit while Tamiya and Otaki bought beer, Keiichi had told Hasegawa enough about his predicament to hopefully get some useful advice or insight. While he wouldn't dream of talking about this to the senpais, Hasegawa was a woman who might understand.

"Yeah," Keiichi said, kicking his street shoes under the seat. "What do you think?"

Hasegawa stood up and opened her bowling bag, pulling a pink bowling ball with a picture of Hello Kitty painted on it, as she answered. "Look, Senpai, I'm not an expert or anything, but it sounds like you have to decide which one you really want."

"That's what I said," he told her.

"No, you said you felt bad about not calling Sif san," Hasegawa said. "It's not the same thing. Either you want to be with her or you don't. Either you want to be with Belldandy senpai or your don't."

Before he could answer, Aoshima and three other members of the Four Wheels Club descended into the pit, taking the lane next to them. Their shirts were blue with gold lettering that identified them as the Gutter Busters.

"Well, well," Aoshima said. "Morisato kun! Joining us again?" He adjusted his glasses.

"Hi, Aoshima kun," Keiichi muttered.

"Nice shirts, ladies," one of the Gutter Busters commented. "Your moms make those for you?" They chuckled.

Keiichi opened his mouth to retort, but Hasegawa put a hand on his shoulder. "Senpai, don't. They're just trying to rattle us."

"Hey! Whose Hello Kitty ball?!" one of the bowlers asked with a laugh. "We got a nine-year-old playing with us or what?!"

Hasegawa frowned. "Oh, suck my di..." Keiichi leapt up and covered her mouth with his hand just in time.

"What was that?!" the bowler asked, a tall man wearing a hairnet.

"Nothing," Keiichi told him, reading his name tag. "... Um... Jesus."

"That's right, nothing!" the bowler told him. "You don't mess with the Jesus!"

Keiichi, his hand still over Hasegawa's mouth, whispered. "I really don't want to play this game..."

888

Urd pulled her sister into her room and closed the door behind her, locking it before turning to face the younger goddess.

"I need to hear you say it," Urd said.

"Huh?" Belldandy asked.

"Twenty-four hours ago, you were totally against this idea," Urd reminded her. "So I need to know what changed." She saw the hesitation on her sister's face and pushed. "Are you really sure you want to take that step? If you do..." She grinned. "If you do, I can have him at your feet begging... But that's not worth a thing if it's not what you want."

"I want Keiichi," Belldandy told her. "I want him to be happy..."

"Stop!" Urd ordered. "This isn't about him right now. It's about you, what you do and whether or not you're okay with that." She paused. "Let me ask you this: If Keiichi _asked_ you to sleep with him... would you do it?"

"Yes," Belldandy answered quickly.

Urd blinked in surprise. The answer came so quickly, she wasn't sure what to make of it. "You would?"

Belldandy nodded.

"Just like that?"

"Hai!"

"Are... Are you telling me that the only thing keeping you from this... has been that he hasn't asked you?" Urd asked.

"Keiichi san is a grown man," Belldandy told her. "And I'm a grown goddess. I love him, and he... loves me... I hope... I told you before that I wanted it to be an act of love, when we were both ready. If he decides he's ready... then so am I."

Urd sighed. "Belldandy... he's been ready since about five minutes after you met."

Belldandy blinked, surprised at this statement.

"This is a big step, Belldandy," Urd told her. "Are you ready to take Keiichi as your lover?"

"I will take him," she said. "Though... I do not know the way."

Urd regarded her for a moment, then smiled. "Pull up a chair. Let's get started."

888

Skuld pulled aside the door to Keiichi's room and crept inside. Creeping over to his futon, she saw the Jack-O'Lantern still sitting on his pillow and chuckled to herself.

"Oh, man, that never gets old," she whispered to herself.

Searching the pillow, she grasped at a dark strand of hair standing out against the white cloth and smiled.

888

"So! Let's go down the list," Urd said, pacing back and forth in front of Belldandy. "One!"

Belldandy recited the answer from memory. "Keiichi returns home and finds a candlelight dinner waiting for him."

"And what do you say?" Urd asked.

Belldandy took a breath. "'I've been waiting for you.'"

"And _how _do you say it?" Urd asked, not even looking at her sister.

The younger Norn cleared her throat and answered in a throaty whisper. "'I've been waiting for you.'"

Satisfied, Urd nodded. "Two!"

"I sit Keiichi down and, instead of sitting across the table, I sit next to him..."

"And?" Urd asked.

"I tell him I've thought a great deal about what I said, and that I was wrong."

"And your exact words?" Urd asked her, turning to her.

"'I was wrong, it's not okay,'" Belldandy repeated. "'I love you, and I can't be without you.'"

"And while you're saying it?" Urd demanded.

"I'm wrapping my arms around him..."

"Excellent!"

"Neesan," Belldandy interrupted. "Are you sure this is going to work? What if... What if he's not hungry?"

Urd sighed and shook her head. "You're not feeding him, Belldandy. There should be food on those plates the next morning and a pair of burnt down candles on the table."

Belldandy didn't look convinced.

"Look, let me take you through what he's doing _right now_," Urd told her, sitting her down next to her. "Right now, Keiichi has been cruising around town on his bike, a troubled and irritated look on his face. He stopped at a convenience store and picked up a pack of cigarettes even though he quit smoking when he met you."

Belldandy listened, entranced by her sister's narrative of Keiichi's painful journey through his emotional lows.

"He stops at the river where you and he had your most emotional moments and looks over the railing at the water," Urd went on. "As he lights his cancer stick, he wonders to himself, 'How does she really feel? Did she ever love me? Did _I_ do something to drive her away? What do I do now?' In the background, a slow, sad Bon Jovi song is playing... No! _Poison!_ Poison works better here than Bon Jovi..."

The younger goddess began to sniffle at the story.

"And all he knows is that eventually he'll have to come back to the temple and face you and find something to say to make you want to stay... and hope that you won't leave," Urd whispered. "Right now, that young man is going through the most solemn and emotionally intense moments of his life..."

888

"I'm getting drunk!" Keiichi cried from the bowling alley snack bar, holding up his beer in toast to his friends. "Hey! Hasegawa! Roll the dice to see if I'm getting drunk!"

Down at the top of the lane, Hasegawa was preparing to toss her Hello Kitty ball and pick up a spare. "Not now, Senpai!" she called back.

While she rolled, Otaki nudged Tamiya. "Hey, what's with Morisato kun? He's acting kind of weird tonight."

Tamiya looked over his shoulder and found Keiichi spinning around on his barstool.

"I'M A SPACEMAN!"

The bull of a man turned back to his friend and shrugged. "No idea. Drugs?"

A disappointed Hasegawa came back to the pit and plopped down in her seat. "This lane is rigged," she complained.

"Oi, Hasegawa," Tamiya rumbled. "Do you know what's going on with Morisato?"

The girl's face scrunched up, unsure of how much she should reveal. "Girl problems," she let out. "An old girlfriend is staying at his house, and I guess it's causing... you know... friction."

"Excuse me," Aoshima called out from his lane. "But is Morisato kun going to bowl or just sit there and bring shame to your little club... you know... like he usually does?"

Tamiya growled low in his throat and stood up, walking up to the bar. He returned a moment later with Keiichi under his arm. The college student held a beer in his hand.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" he cried. "Careful, man, there's a beverage here!"

The older student deposited him on the edge of the lane and pointed at the pins. "Bowl!"

Keiichi giggled and held his arm. "Sure," he said. "Toss me a ball."

Taking him at his word, the beefy young man picked up a bowling ball and tossed it at him...

Hitting Keiichi square in the stomach.

888

Belldandy leaned over the table and lit the candles that sat in its center. Smoothing her simple, but elegant blue and white skirt, she sat down and waited, anxiously watching the door. The rest of the house was dark and quiet, with everyone else turning into bed an hour ago, leaving the Norn to think about what she was about to do.

It wasn't a _bad_ thing, she knew. She just didn't like the idea of being pushed into it by circumstance. Even so, she resolved to give herself completely to Keiichi, to take that final step to truly becoming his goddess.

She heard steps approaching the back door and looked up. The knob turned and the door turned inward, revealing Keiichi, standing there in the darkness.

The goddess rose nervously to her feet. "Keiichi san," she whispered. She lowered her voice an octave. "I've been waiting for you."

Keiichi took in the sight that met him and blinked for a moment. Then, covering his mouth, he rushed to the sink and threw up.

The reaction stunned her for a moment, but she quickly rushed to his side. "Keiichi san!? Are you okay?!"

She was stunned again when, instead of answering, he started giggling hysterically into the sink. The goddess sniffed and smelled alcohol, lots of it.

"Oh, dear," she said. "Keiichi san, did you imbibe too much?"

"That!" he said indignantly, suddenly straightening proudly with his nose in the air, "... Is a vicious rumor started by people I've tripped over!" He smirked and tried to hold in a laugh, but ended up doubling over, laughing uncontrollably.

She wrapped an arm over his shoulder and started to guide him down the hall. "Come along, Keiichi san," she whispered. "Let's get you to bed."

"I am not that kind of girl!" he announced, stumbling forward. He stopped outside of Urd's room and raised his hand to knock. "Let's wake Urd up and make her drink with us! Urd! Get up!"

"No, Keiichi san," Belldandy said gently, taking his arm. "Let Neesan sleep."

"C'mon, Belldandy," he begged. "Let's go to Benny's and get some pancakes..."

"I'll make pancakes for you tomorrow morning," she promised, leading him down the hall toward his room. "Right now you need sleep."

Opening his bedroom door, she stepped inside, not in the way she thought she would only an hour before, but that was life. She helped him inside, and with a carefully calculated push, put him on his futon.

He watched groggily as she removed his shoes and socks.

"How do I always do this to you?" he asked suddenly.

She looked down at him and blinked in confusion. "Do what?"

"Screw things up," he answered, lying back and staring at the ceiling. "You wanted to do something tonight, right? Have dinner together or... or I don't know... something..."

The goddess smiled, no trace of judgement in her expression. "Hai, but there's always a tomorrow."

He shook his head and swallowed back bile. "I can never seem to... connect... with you," he bit out regretfully. "And every time we try... something like this happens."

"All things happen in their own time and in their own way," she told him quietly.

"God, I love you," he said.

She froze, her heart skipping a beat at the words.

"I love you," he repeated again, choking back a sob. "And no matter what I do, I can never really... just... fucking... _tell you_... There's always... always a demon... or a campus queen or... or... a fucking robot... or..." He shook his head. "A girl I thought was a girl who's really a goddess who's in love with me..." He took a breath. "What's wrong with me?" he whispered.

She knelt next to him and pulled the blanket over him. "Many people love you, Keiichi san," she whispered. "You affect the lives of others around you. Just as you've affected mine. They all want to better your life the way you've bettered theirs. Sometimes, they all simply... conflict."

"The only life I want to affect is yours," he slurred tiredly.

"Hai," she whispered. "I feel the same way."

Then, without further preamble, Keiichi's head lolled to the right, and the college student started to snore.

Belldandy watched him for several moments before rising to her feet. Reaching behind her, she unhooked her skirt and let it fall to the floor before crawling under the blanket and curling up next to him. Wrapping her arms around him, she cuddled up next to him and fell asleep.


	4. Allegro

Disclaimer: AMG is not mine.

**Scordatura**

_Chapter 4_

_Allegro_

_Replace the C with his hair,_ Ameri ordered.

Standing in the courtyard, Skuld watched as Sif removed one of the strings from her viola and then passed it to her. While her new assistant held the instrument, Sif gently took the four inch strand of Keiichi's hair and tugged at the ends, using her magic to stretch the hair until it was two feet long. She took the viola back and restrung it with his hair.

_Now, replace the A with your hair_.

Reaching up, Sif pulled one of her blonde hairs from her head and replaced another string with it.

_Now, we play..._

Sif closed her eyes and set the bow to the strings. Pulling it slowly across the instrument, she could feel her and Keiichi's hair vibrating as her familiar used her musical voice to cast what she called a "Fair Fortune" spell.

Skuld watched in awe, feeling the hair on her head begin to tingle from the amount of magic power being drawn into the viola to cast the spell.

The goddess musician increased the tempo, and Ameri began to glow, the musical vibrations moving into the visible spectrum as colors.

The bow moved faster over the strings, and the two hairs stretched along the viola began to glow. Finally, as Sif's song reached a crescendo, there was a small "pop!" and the two hairs disappeared.

Sif's hands stopped moving.

"There!" the goddess declared. "The spell is complete."

Skuld blinked. "So... what exactly did you do?" she asked.

The older goddess smiled at her. "I linked Keiichi sama's fortune with my presence. Every time he and I are close, fortune and happiness will smile on him."

"That's it?" Skuld asked, shaking her head. "You made yourself his lucky charm?"

"Of a sort," Sif told her. "Whenever we are together, good things will happen to him. He will come to link my presence with that happiness, and then..."

"Isn't that cheating?" Skuld asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Your sister is more than welcome to cast a similar spell," Sif told her with a wink. "If you tell her what we've done..."

"That's okay," Skuld told her. "I don't think she _really_ needs to know."

888

Keiichi woke up and put his hands on the sides of his head in pain. He tried to blink the disorientation from his eyes and looked up. His vision blurred, he could just make out Belldandy standing next to his bed... refastening her skirt.

She noticed him moving and looked his way, but he couldn't make out her smile or her blush. "Good morning, Keiichi san," she told him. "You should sleep a little longer. You had a very busy night. I'll make some pancakes and call you when they're ready."

"Huh?" he asked stupidly, blinking the crust from his eyes. "Um... okay..."

She smiled at him again before quietly leaving the room. Turning, he saw the Belldandy-shaped indentation in the bed next to him and felt his heart start beating faster.

"What... What did I do last night?" he gasped in horror. Then looking up at the sky, he muttered. "And what kind of God wouldn't let me remember?!"

888

Belldandy flipped the pancake and, so intent on her task, totally missed Urd sidling up to her.

"Well?" Urd breathed into her ear.

The younger goddess jumped. "Neesan..."

"Well?" Urd asked again, grinning evilly. "Was it everything you hoped it would be?"

Belldandy cleared her throat. "Not... quite..."

The elder sister's face fell. "Well... you gotta figure he's new at it. Don't worry, he'll get better with practice. You just have to stick with it..."

"No!" Belldandy cried. "Not that, I mean... well..."

"Well what?" Urd asked, blinking. Her eyes narrowed. "You punked out, didn't you?"

"Not exactly," Belldandy said, turning away and blushing.

"Then what?"

The younger Norn looked from side to side to make sure no one else was in earshot. "Neesan, he came home last night... inebriated..."

Urd's eyes lit up. "Ah! So it was even easier than you thought, huh?! Excellent!"

"What?! No!" Belldandy cried. "I didn't go through with it, of course!"

"So you did punk out..."

"He was drunk, Neesan!" the goddess cried. "It would have been a violation of his trust!"

Urd rolled her eyes. "Oh, boo hoo!" she replied. "Look at me! Poor Keiichi! Who gets wasted, comes home and has to sleep with a beautiful woman! Woe is me!"

Irritated by her sister's comments, Belldandy turned back to the pancakes and continued cooking. "You don't understand!" she bit out. "You don't know Keiichi san like I do!"

"He's a guy, Sis, that's all you really _need_ to know."

"He's not _just_ 'a guy,' Neesan!" Belldandy retorted, turning back to her. "He's a man of conscience and compassion! Let me ask you this, Neesan: Suppose I _had_ done as you suggest now and took advantage of his state. How do you suppose he would see it the next morning?"

Urd paused, unsure of what her point was.

"It would hurt him, do you understand?" Belldandy went on. "Not because of what _I_ had done, but because he would believe that _he_ was at fault, that _he_, in his inebriated state, had done something or said something untoward. He wouldn't look at it as an act of love, but as one of drunken lust and he would _blame himself_!"

"I think you're overthinking it," Urd told her with a smile. "So what did you do instead? Hold his hair while he puked?"

"No, I slept with him," Belldandy announced, turning back to the stove.

Urd balked. "But you just said..."

"I _slept_ with him, Neesan," the younger Norn told her with a sigh. "I crawled into bed with him and held him while we slept. There is nothing wrong with that. It was a gentle, intimate, loving act." She turned and faced her sister again. "And I feel much better about it than I would have of taking advantage of a drunken man."

Urd sighed and looked up and away. "I cannot teach her," she said regretfully. "The girl has no patience..."

"She will learn patience," a distant Urd-voice replied. Belldandy looked up and blinked, searching for the source.

Urd turned to her sister, as if studying her. "Much naivete in her... like her father..."

"Was I any different when you first taught me?" the voice asked.

"She is not ready," Urd concluded.

"Ah ha!" Belldandy cried, opening the bread box and pulling a chibi-Urd from it, holding it by the foot. "Neesan!"

"Okay, look!" Urd began again, going on the offense. "Nothing has changed! You still have to cement your hold on Keiichi! Now... maybe last night helped after all... But we have to capitalize on it."

"How?" Belldandy asked.

"Did he see you this morning?" Urd asked her.

She blushed. "Hai," she said. "He woke up while I was dressing."

Urd grinned. "Excellent. Now it all comes down to presentation."

888

Keiichi leaned against the back wall of the house and put his hands on either side of his head, grasping at the messy black hair as he tried to work through it, grasping at the memories alcohol had erased. All he could remember was the sight that met him when he woke up this morning, a blushing Belldandy adjusting her clothes and rushing out of the room.

_What did I do?_ he asked himself. He remembered bowling and then Otaki saying, "Hey, Morisato! Want a beer?!"

And then Belldandy leaving his bedroom.

Guilt and uncertainty mixed together in his thoughts, painting a picture he wasn't proud of.

_He entered the kitchen, reeking of beer and bowling alley, and found her working at the kitchen sink. She turned and smiled. "Ah! Keiichi san! Welcome home! Did you have a good time reading to blind diabetic orphans?!"_

_The drunken young man reached out and took her face in his hands, leaning in to kiss her roughly. She pulled away and blinked at him in surprise._

"_Keiichi san?" she asked, innocently bewildered._

"_Come on, Belldandy," he slurred, taking her hand. "We're going to my room... and we're gonna DO IT!"_

"'_Do it?'" she asked. She blushed and looked away in shame. "But... Keiichi san... As a goddess, my modesty and virtue must be safe-guarded... I..."_

"_You're _my_ goddess, right?" he demanded._

"_H...Hai," she replied._

"_Well then, come on!"_

_Belldandy sniffled as she reached up and undid the top button on her blouse..._

Keiichi stood there, his eyes wide.

"Oh...Em...Ef... GODDESS!" he gasped out. "What the hell have I done?!"

"Keiichi sama?"

He turned and found that Sif had turned the corner, looking at him with a mixture of concern and puzzlement.

"Sif," he breathed.

"Are you all right?" she asked. "You look troubled."

He took a breath and sighed, lowering himself to a sitting position. "I need a vacation," he muttered.

She smiled and sat down next to him. "Okinawa wasn't enough?"

"My mind is just... jumbled... right now," he said.

"I see," she said. "Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Just close your eyes."

He took a breath and shut his eyes.

"Now," he heard Sif's gentle voice begin. "I want you to listen for the sound of the sea... smell the wind from the ocean... feel the sand between your toes..."

He shifted his shoulders and took a deep breath, trying to hear and feel those things.

"Just let yourself go back to that time," he heard her whisper.

Keiichi took another deep breath, and his ears detected a faint sound from next to him. Sif was humming a tune, familiar, but he wasn't sure how... until it dawned on him that he'd heard it before, on Okinawa.

Suddenly it was as if he was there, lying on the beach, looking up at the blue sky, with Sif sitting next to him in her emerald swimsuit and big, floppy straw hat, humming happily.

He smiled.

"There," Sif said. "That's better, isn't it?"

Opening his eyes, he turned and saw her there. "Yeah," he said.

"Now, what troubles you?" she asked.

"It's complicated," he confessed.

"Nothing is ever complicated," she told him. "It can all be reduced to a single statement. Just try."

He thought on it for several moments before turning back to her. "I think I hurt someone I care about," he told her. "But... I can't really remember."

"Are you remorseful?" she asked.

"Of course," he said.

"Then apologize," she told him simply.

"I'm not sure how to face h... them... again," he told her.

"Does this person care about you?"

"Yeah," he told her simply.

She smiled. "Then it will be all right, Keiichi sama. When two people care about each other, forgiveness comes easily."

He found another smile and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." Standing up, he turned back to her. "Thanks, Sif."

"Anytime, Keiichi sama."

He started for the back door and paused, reaching down to pick up something at his feet. "Hey!" he cried, smiling back at her and holding up something that glinted in the light. "My luck must be changing! I found a five-yen coin!"

888

AT THAT EXACT SAME MOMENT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...

The truck driver, Haide, hopped out of the semi and carried his clipboard to one of the workers at the loading dock. "Okay," he said. "Here you go! One load of..." He checked the manifest to make sure. "... 'walking dead.' Sign here, please."

"Wait a second," the dock worker, Keruso, said. "We aren't expecting a load of... wait, you mean like zombies?"

"Yeah," the driver said, a little confused. "See? It says right here. Deliver to theMekomi Technology Institute, Advanced Bio-Weapons Research Division."

"No, dude!" the dock worker told him with a horrified look on his face."This is the _Nekomi_ Institute of Technology. Mekomi is on the other side of Honshu!"

"Oh, come on!" Haide cried. "You gotta be kidding me! I just drove nine hours from Misawa Air Base! What am I supposed to do now?! I have a load of living dead stinking up the back of my truck!" He kicked at the ground. "Probably go bad before I get there..."

"Hey," Keruso said, looking from side to side. "Can I see 'em?"

The driver gave him a disgusted look. "No, you can't see 'em!" he cried. "Haven't you ever seen a zombie movie?! There's always a point in the story where some dumbass does something stupid and unwittingly unleashes a zombie apocalypse! These are plague-carrying, flesh-hungry nightmares of God, just waiting to be unleashed upon a world needing to be cleansed of sin! Twenty bucks!"

"Dude! I'm not paying twenty bucks!"

"Then I guess you don't get to see 'em!" Haide retorted, folding his arms over his chest.

The load worker grimaced and pulled out his wallet. "FINE!" He handed the driver a wad of bills.

"Okay, then," the driver said, turning back to the rear door of his truck. He started working the lock as Keruso rubbed his hands eagerly.

"Hey," the Keruso interrupted. "You're just going to fling the door open?"

"C'mon!" the driver chastised him. "These are walking dead! Very valuable! You think the military guys just stuffed them back there like a load of laundry bags? They're probably in their own little cages or something..." He unlocked the door and started to hoist it open.

"Um... 'probably?'" Keruso repeated.

The door opened, and like a load of laundry bags suddenly freed from their confines, a horde of the living dead poured out of the truck, overwhelming a screaming Haide as they tore him limb from limb.

Keruso screamed and turned, starting to run, but one of the zombies grabbed his leg and bit deep into his calf. Crying like a baby, the dock worker managed to kick away and limped like mad to a red alarm station nearby. Looking over his shoulder, put his hand on it and paused.

PULL IN CASE OF:

FIRE

Growling, Keruso limped to another alarm nearby, the zombie horde hot on his tail. He found the blue alarm handle and read the instructions printed on the front.

PULL IN CASE OF:

TYPHOON

"Oh, come on!" Keruso shouted. Seeing the shambling horde of God's mistakes gaining on him, he limped to a yellow and black striped alarm handle down the hall and reached for it...

Just as the zombies grabbed him.

He reached out, screaming as rotting undead teeth began to gnaw him and maggot-infested arms pulled him away, his fingers just barely brushing against the handle which read:

PULL IN CASE OF:

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

The two living humans were not enough to sate their appetite. The horde poured out of the warehouse and into the city.

888

"Um... Belldandy?"

The goddess looked up from her cross-stitch and smiled. "Keiichi san," she greeted brightly. Her expression dimmed at the sight of the look on his face. "Are you all right?"

"I... uh," he began haltingly as he entered her room, leaving the door open... just in case Belldandy no longer felt comfortable being alone with him... "Well... look... about last night... I'M SORRY!" he blurted.

"About what?" she asked, blinking.

He looked down at the floor. "For... um... taking advantage... of you..." He dropped to his knees and bowed low, his forehead hitting the floor in front of her. "I'm sorry!"

"Oh, Keiichi san," she whispered, kneeling next to him and taking his face in her hands. "You don't have to be sorry... You didn't do anything wrong..."

"But... this morning... I..."

"Keiichi san, you came home drunk last night," she explained. "So I helped you into bed, and well..." She blushed. "I lost control of my emotions and wanted to be with you... So I slept next to you last night. I'm sorry..."

"So... we didn't..."

"No," she said, assuring him. "We did not."

"Oh," he said, suddenly feeling like an idiot.

"Are you disappointed?"

"No!" he cried suddenly. "I mean... Well... I... I couldn't remember exactly what happened, and if something _had_ happened... I... I would prefer to have some memory of it... That's all..."

"So... you regret that we didn't make love, but are glad we didn't because you wouldn't have remembered?" Belldandy asked.

He worked through it in his head before blushing and nodding while he cleared his throat nervously.

"Keiichi san," she whispered, caressing his face. "I wouldn't take advantage of you like that. And even inebriated, I'm confident you wouldn't take advantage of me. It's not in your spirit to do so."

He looked at her and chuckled. "I must have been a real bonehead last night, huh?" he asked nervously.

She smiled. "You were... honest," she told him. "In vino veritas, Keiichi san." Standing, she started for the door and paused. "Perhaps... another time?"

He blinked and turned deep red. "H...hai," he croaked out.

888

"So what's it going to be tonight?" Otaki asked as he and Tamiya made their way down the street toward the Auto Clubhouse.

"We're tied," Tamiya rumbled. "We need something we excel at and they don't."

"Interpretive dance!" Otaki cried.

"No."

"What about..."

Before he could finish the suggestion, something stepped around the corner and lurched toward them. The zombie reached out with rotting hands, clawing at Otaki's face.

"What the..." Otaki cried as he struggled with the shambler, taking it by the shoulders and heaving it away. As the thing hit the ground, three more turned the corner and started for them.

"This isn't good," Tamiya muttered, backing away as more of the undead approached. "We should probably..."

He turned, but found Otaki already running pell mell down the road. Rather than fault his cowardice, Tamiya took off after him.

888

"You seem to be in a much better mood," Sif commented as she entered the tiny shack-garage.

Keiichi looked up from the Beemer and smiled. "Yeah, I am. Thanks."

Sif smiled and hopped up on the Beemer, crossing her legs demurely as she looked down at him. "Keiichi sama?"

He looked up and found her smooth legs dangling in front of him. "Um... yeah?" he asked.

She giggled softly and blushed just a bit. "I was wondering... will you take me out?"

"Um... take you out?" he asked.

"In_deed!_" she replied. "I've been here for a couple of days, and to be honest, I didn't anticipate spending my entire vacation cooped up in this temple. I thought maybe we could go do something fun!"

He remembered a similar request being made by Peorth and his unanticipated solution to it. He wasn't trying to duck Sif or avoid spending time with her. He just wasn't sure yet how he really felt about her and Belldandy.

"How about we all go out together?" he asked with a smile.

"That sounds wonderful!" she said, clapping her hands. "Perhaps a park or..." She broke off as he looked past her. "What is it?"

"Oh my goddess," he muttered, standing up walking around the bike toward his shelf. He pushed a few items aside and picked up a box. "I've been looking all over for this!" he cried, holding up a package of spark plugs. "I thought I'd have to order more! This really is my lucky day!"

888

AT THAT EXACT SAME MOMENT...

The Yokota Maru was just pulling into Nekomi when the first mate looked out at the docks with his binoculars. Hauling refined gasoline, he knew there were a few hundred tanker trucks waiting to take their cargo to gas stations all over Nekomi.

"Captain," he called. "Take a look at this."

The captain took the binoculars from him and looked out at the docks. "What are those people doing?"

"They're... just walking off the dock into the water," the first mate said. "They don't look right, either, Sir."

"Hmmm," the captain said. Catching sight of one of the figures, his eyes went wide. "Full astern!" he called out. "Get the Coast Guard on the line! Tell them they have a zombie apocalypse on their hands here at Nekomi! Then..."

Suddenly, the ship lurched to the side. "Report!"

"We've run up on a sand bar!" the first mate reported. "We're stuck!"

"Captain, our radio isn't responding! I can't raise anyone!" one of the deck hands cried.

"What do we do?" the first mate asked.

The captain's eyes narrowed. Without the fuel his ship was carrying, gas stations all over that city were going to run dry when people would need fuel the most in order to escape. Nothing for that now.

"We wait," he told them.

888

In their panic, they ran blindly down an alley that ended in a brick wall. Looking to each other for a moment, Tamiya and Otaki quickly looked back and found that three zombies had followed them.

"Den chan, we are so boned," Otaki muttered.

"Keep your head, Dai chan!" Tamiya rumbled. "Remember all the zombie apocalypse drills in elementary school? Didn't they say that zombies had a weakness?"

"I'll be honest with you, Den chan," Otaki told him. "I slept through most of elementary school."

The shamblers came closer, and Tamiya and Otaki huddled together fearfully. Suddenly, just as the lead zombie prepared to lunge at them, its head exploded in a cloud of red and gray mist. The other two zombies stopped and turned to face whatever new threat had presented itself. The zombie on the right lost the right side of its head to a deafening boom, and the one on the left fell to another.

"Dai chan," Tamiya rumbled. "I think we're saved! The Army! The Police!"

"Hasegawa!?" Otaki cried in disbelief.

At the other end of the alley, Hasegawa, her face stained with smoke and dried blood, was feeding yellow shells into a smoking pump shotgun. "Hurry up! We have to get out of here!" she called to them.

The two Auto Club directors rushed down the alley, carefully stepping over the undead bodies on the ground below. Hasegawa was looking around the corner, her shotgun held at the ready. The two men looked at her in complete shock.

"They're all over the place," she muttered. "Nekomi Tech must be ground-zero. We have to move. My apartment is a few blocks away, about a click north." She pulled something from her belt and turned, offering a large-caliber handgun to them. "Either of you know iron?"

They stared at her, their mouths hanging open.

"I'll take that as a no," she said, replacing the handgun in her belt. "Okay, just stay behind me and try not to die."

"Hasegawa kun," Tamiya rumbled. "Where did you get those guns?"

"Keep an eye out," she told them, not answering his question. "Okay, let's go!" She led them out into the street, her shotgun up at a ready position.

"No, seriously," Otaki began as they followed her. "Where did you get these guns?"

"Frakking Zekes," she muttered in reply. "I've waited my whole life for this. They laughed at me, you know," she told them. "'Hasegawa kun!'" she said in a high pitch voice, imitating a voice from her past. "'Why do you need so much bottled water?' 'Hasegawa kun! Who orders three years of dehydrated food? Honestly!' 'Hasegawa kun! Where did you get all those guns?'" She chuckled. "Well, _now_ who's laughing?"

"Certainly not us!" Otaki assured her nervously.

"Maybe we should find a police officer," Tamiya suggested hesitantly.

Hasegawa turned to him and went toe to toe with the much larger man, but it was Tamiya who backed up a step. "Listen!" she hissed. "And try to understand! Those zombies are out there! They can't be bargained with! They can't be reasoned with! They don't feel pity! Or remorse! Or fear! And they absolutely _will not stop! EVER! _Until you are _dead!_"

"... Okay..."

The girl turned and started down the street again. "My apartment is this way. Let's go!"

888

"So... is it working?" Skuld asked Sif as the older goddess played a soft melody on her viola in the temple courtyard.

"In_deed_!" Sif replied, not opening her eyes. "It's just little things for the moment, but my presence brings him good fortune, just as it should be."

"Well, that's great!" Skuld said. "So how long, you think, until he picks you?"

She smiled. "No telling. Days, months, years... Who knows? But I will wait for him to choose. I can be patient awhile longer."

"Well you don't have to be anymore!"

Surprised at the sound of the voice behind her, Sif played the wrong note, prompting an indignant squawk from Ameri. She turned and found Urd standing there, a wicked grin on her face.

"This is a private meeting, Urd," Skuld said, her arms folded over her chest.

"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt," Urd gushed. "I just wanted to tell you you can stop now. It's over."

"What do you mean?" Skuld asked with an arched eyebrow.

Urd grinned as she stepped closer to Sif. "Last night, Keiichi and Belldandy... how should I say it?" She thought for a moment and found better words. "'Slept together,'" she finished.

"OH, GROSS!" Skuld shouted, her hands going over her mouth. "Urd! I just _ate!_"

Sif snorted in disbelief... but nervously plucked at Ameri's strings. "Oh really? Did Belldandy have a better script writer this time?"

"Oh, it was no act," Urd told her. "They spent the night together in Keiichi's bed. Belldandy said it was nothing like she expected."

"Hmmph!" Sif replied with a sniff. "Lies... From a lying liar... who tells lies!"

Urd grinned. "Look in my eyes and tell me I'm lying."

Sif looked Urd square in the eye, reaching out and searching for duplicity in the Norn's words. Skuld watched as she stared at her sister.

"Sif?" she asked.

Urd smiled and turned away. "You see?" she asked.

Sif stood there, stock still as Skuld waited for some response. It seemed like a scene from an action movie, where right after a big fight scene no one realizes that the hero's friend has been shot until they notice the look on his face... and then see the blood stain spreading across their shirt. It reminded Skuld of that, and she knew that Urd hadn't been lying.

Urd turned back to her and blinked. Sif stood there, her hand slowly going to her chest as a noise... a choked back sob... escaped her throat. The Norn could see the monumental battle going on within the other goddess to hold back tears, to somehow draw them back into her tear ducts, but it was a losing battle.

That's when she realized what an utterly horrible thing she had done. This was no Sayoko Mishima, who only wanted Keiichi because Belldandy wanted him. She was no Hild, trying to seduce Keiichi to hurt Belldandy. Sif loved him, truly loved him, as much as Belldandy did.

"Sif," Urd whispered. "I'm..."

"Excuse me!" Sif suddenly cried, dropping Ameri and running into the grove of trees nearby.

"Sif! Wait!" Urd cried. She turned to seek help from Skuld in going after her.

But the young Norn was gone.

888

Skuld marched angrily toward the house, tears in her eyes.

She couldn't really blame Keiichi for this, as much as she wanted to. If he loved Oneesama, then she supposed such a thing was inevitable... as much as it made her throw up in her mouth at the thought. She'd Skuld Bomb him later anyway... on principle... but first...

The Norn entered the kitchen and found Belldandy chopping a radish. She turned and smiled at her younger sister. "Skuld!" Seeing the look on her sister's face, she paused. "What is it?! What's happened?!"

Skuld stared at her for a moment before speaking quietly. "I never... ever... thought I'd see the day," she began, wiping a tear away. "A day when I would be... disappointed... in you. But here it is..."

"Skuld?" Belldandy asked, genuinely confused.

"For you to do..._ that_... with Keiichi..." She stopped and swallowed painfully. "I suppose... I suppose it was just natural... maybe even inevitable..." She shook her head as fresh tears appeared. "I can understand that. But to go and tell Urd... so she could go out there and brag about it to Sif's face..." She paused and stopped a sob dead in her throat. She had to finish. "It was the cruelest thing I've ever seen!" she sobbed. "It was like watching someone get shot! She loves him! As much as you do! And you..." She broke off and started to cry.

"Skuld!" Belldandy cried in horror, rushing around the table and kneeling next to her. "What do you mean?"

"It was ugly, Oneesama," Skuld told her with an angry sniffle. "You're both ugly!"

With that, Skuld broke away from her and fled the room. Belldandy knelt there, frozen, dumbfounded and shocked. She wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but she had a pretty good idea. She reached out with her heart and touched Sif's...

She winced suddenly, her hand going to her chest as her heart began to physically ache. Tears sprung to her eyes as the depth of her friend's heartache and despair made itself known in her heart.

"Oh, Sif!" she whimpered.

888

She pulled the two of them inside and quickly shut the door before placing a two-by-four in the locking racks across it. Quickly checking the window, she drew the shades and turned, propping the shotgun against the wall.

Tamiya and Otaki looked around, unexpectedly finding themselves in Hasegawa's apartment, something they used to joke that no man had ever seen.

Now they had a better idea why.

Hello Kitty paraphernalia lined and hung on the walls. Motivational posters of Hello Kitty stared back at them from every wall.

"_Hello Kitty says 'Be prepared! The zombies never sleep!'"_ one poster said. Another had a picture of Hello Kitty standing in front of a bonfire that appeared to be piled high with human corpses. _"Hello Kitty says ' Zombies hate fire the way you hate zombies! Have gas handy!'"_

They watched as Hasegawa removed her jacket and took a seat on her couch. Her upper left arm sported a tattoo of Hello Kitty with a K-Bar battle knife in her teeth. The words "Fuck Zeke!" were stenciled below it. She rummaged through several empty boxes on her coffee table. Smiling at finding one that rattled, she opened it and pulled out a cigar. Lighting it, she took a drag and leaned back. "Oh, that's good," she said, closing her eyes.

Otaki nudged Tamiya with his elbow. "You starting to get the idea that we don't know Hasegawa as well as we probably should?" he whispered.

"Hmmm," was all Tamiya would say.

"You guys want something to drink?" Hasegawa asked, pulling a tattered, brown leather jacket over to her from its perch on the arm of her couch and putting it on. "You should probably hydrate while you can. We can't stay here."

"No, we're good!" Otaki told her, chuckling nervously. "I just... I mean... we never knew... you, I guess..."

Hasegawa let out a drag on her cigar and turned pensive. "Everyone I know is out there fighting to get back what they had," she said. "I'm fighting because I don't know how to do anything else."

The two men looked at one another, wondering if their friend was going crazy...er.

"Yeah," Tamiya rumbled. "That... um... sucks."

Their host reached into her jacket pocket and smiled as she pulled out a set of keys. "You guys sick of walking?"

888

Belldandy reached the center of the courtyard just as Urd did. "Urd! What did you do?! What did you say?!" she asked angrily.

"Look, save the speech, all right?!" Urd countered. "I know," she said remorsefully. "I screwed up. That wasn't the best way to handle it. But now Sif's gone, and I can't find her."

"So is Skuld," Belldandy added.

"Great," Urd muttered. She closed her eyes. "I guess I really screwed up, huh?"

Belldandy put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. "We'll work through it together," she said. "But first we have to find Sif and Skuld." She broke off as she saw light glinting off wood nearby.

She walked up to the viola, left behind when Sif ran off. Leaning down, she picked it up.

_Ameri..._

_DON'T TOUCH ME!_ the viola snapped back with such heat that the goddess dropped it again.

Belldandy knelt next to the instrument and bowed down, her head touching the grass. "Ameri san, I am so sorry. Things are not as my sister made them out to be. She had only my interests at heart. Please forgive us. We need to find Sif."

She reached out and gently touched Ameri's strings, waiting for a reply.

_Phhhhlllllbbbbbbtttt!_ the instrument returned, sticking its figurative tongue out at them.

"Well now what?" Urd asked.

Belldandy rose to her feet. "We have to find them. If they're not here, then they must be somewhere in town."

Urd nodded. "You know Sif best. You go after her. I'll find Skuld. What about Keiichi?"

Belldandy bit her lip as they started for the main temple gate. "It's probably best not to involve him at this point. There's still a chance that everyone's... feelings... might be spared."

The elder goddess groaned. "Fine."

They reached the gate and paused, looking through the iron bars of the gate's door at the street below.

"Huh," Urd noted as several shamblers walked by. "Awful lot of zombies out on the road today."

"Yes, that doesn't seem right," Belldandy agreed, her finger going to her lip in thought.

One of the undead noticed them and pressed against the bars, trying to get at them. Its grey, bloated hand reaching through the gate for them.

"Well, this is going to make things more difficult," Urd noted.

"Hai," Belldandy said.

"Oh, man!" they heard from behind them. Keiichi was approaching with a five-gallon can and a pump. "A zombie apocalypse?! So much for going to the auto parts store." He attached the pump to the can.

"What are you doing?" Urd asked. "They're not wasps, Keiichi. You can't just spray them with poison."

"Nope!" he said in agreement. "Kerosene! You douse them real good and then toss a match on them. Like old Keima used to tell me. You can't let them just wander around, they'll just attract more of them. And it's only a matter of time before they bite you or your cat. Gotta get rid of them quick." He started spraying the zombie outside the gate with kerosene. The zombie paid it no mind and kept trying to get in.

"Keiichi san, there appear to be several more out there," Belldandy told him.

Keiichi hmm'd in thought. "Don't have that much kerosene," he said, pulling out a book of matches.

"Woah! Hold the phone, there, John Wayne!" Urd said. "You're just going to light this guy on fire?!"

"He's already dead," Keiichi told her. "It's not like he's going to feel it."

"Yeah, okay, so once he's on fire and not feeling it, what keeps him from sashaying his fiery ass into a building and lighting that up? Maybe you haven't noticed, but you Japanese types seem to think paper is an acceptable substitute for concrete."

"Neesan is right, Keiichi san," Belldandy told him. "It's probably best that you don't."

The college student pocketed the matches. "Okay," he said. "Well... all the gates are locked, so they're not going to get in here. I guess we just hole up and wait for it to be over."

"You're taking this awfully well," Urd told him with an arched eyebrow.

Keiichi rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding? This is nothing compared to the great Hokkaido Zombie Apocalypse of '98. You just have to know what to do. I called Megumi, and she's hunkering down in her place. She says she's okay, but she might try to make it here if her neighborhood gets too hot." He looked from side to side. "Where's Skuld and Sif?"

Belldandy and Urd looked at one another, then out the gate at the shambling horde outside.

"Somewhere out there," Belldandy whispered.


	5. Dirge

Disclaimer: AMG is not mine. Gary is an homage to the character created by David Wellington in his "Monster Island" series.

**Scordatura**

_**Chapter 5**_

_**Dirge**_

Hasegawa led them into the garage where a tarp covered a large vehicle. Pulling the grey plastic tarp off, Otaki and Tamiya blinked in utter astonishment at what they saw. An Army Humvee, painted in a pink camouflage scheme, sat before them. She put her shotgun on the hood and went to a collection of boxes in the corner.

"Senpai, help me with this," she said, lifting a large box of bottled water off the ground. Tamiya knelt next to her and lifted three of the boxes, walking back to the pink vehicle.

"Where did you get this?" Otaki asked, still in awe as he examined the all-terrain vehicle.

Hasegawa shrugged. "Just my little side project," she said. "I rebuilt it from the ground up."

"Where did you get the parts?" Tamiya asked as he opened the back hatch and started stuffing boxes of food and water inside.

"Every month Yokota Air Base has a DRMO auction," she explained. "The U.S. Air Force sells old stuff they can't use anymore. Pretty good deals sometimes. Figure a tire here, a transmission there. Before you know it, you have a working post-apocalyptic vehicle. I call it the Puma."

"What, like the shoe company?" Otaki asked.

"No, I mean like a puma," Hasegawa told him. "It's like a big cat."

"You made that up," Tamiya accused her.

Hasegawa rolled her eyes and went to another collection of boxes, pulling out two long objects and putting them on the hood next to the shotgun: a cricket bat and a golf club.

"They're not pretty, but they'll do the job," she told them. The girl tapped the side of her head. "Go for the temples or the base of the skull. Anything else is a waste of effort." She hefted the shotgun and threw open the driver's side door. "Let's move."

888

"So what do we do?" Urd asked as more undead creatures began to congregate at the gate.

"Can't you just use some goddess powers and send them away or something?" Keiichi asked.

Belldandy shook her head sadly. "Goddesses draw power from and affect living things. The undead are neither living or dead, so we have no power over them."

"I could blast them with a depth charge," Urd suggested.

"But if you don't get them in the head you just have zombies crawling around looking for ankles," Keiichi said with a shake of his head. "Not a good idea."

Their attention was drawn away by the sound of a high pitch motorcycle engine. Getting as close to the gate as they dared, they saw a familiar green motorbike pass by at lightning speed. The helmeted driver made a couple of quick turns, studying the gate and the walls of the temple without coming to a stop before hitting the accelerator and zipping up the street.

"That's Megumi san!" Belldandy cried. "What is she doing?"

Megumi turned her bike and faced the gate again. Then, hitting the accelerator, she sped straight for the gate!

"She's going to ram the gate!" Urd cried.

The motorcycle must have been doing better than ninety when Megumi popped the front wheel up, allowing her to run up the hood and windshield of a VW Bug parked next to the temple wall and jump!

They all watched in awe as Megumi's motorcycle flew over their heads and landed in the courtyard behind them, skidding to a stop a foot from a Buddha statue. The driver pulled off her green helmet, revealing a dried blood smear on her cheek. She smiled.

"What's up, big brother?!" she cried as she dismounted, pulling a blood-stained softball bat from where she had lodged it on her bike.

Keiichi stepped up and hugged his sister, giving her a pat on the back. "Just hanging in there," he said. "I thought you were hunkering down at your place?"

Megumi shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Some asshole set a group of those things on fire and they walked right into my building. Had just enough time to grab the bat, the bike and the teddy bear and book it out of there."

Urd elbowed him in the side. "See!?" she cried.

"Lunch ready?" Megumi asked. "I haven't eaten since breakfast."

Belldandy smiled. "I'll make some sandwiches."

"I can't believe you're taking this so casually!" Urd said again in bewilderment.

Unaware of their previous conversation, Megumi shrugged her shoulders. "We're from Hokkaido," she said, as if that explained everything. "Is everyone okay here?"

"Sif and Skuld are out in town," Keiichi said. "We were just trying to figure out how to go after them in this."

"Who's Sif?" she asked.

"Long story," he said.

"Any idea what caused it?" Megumi asked. "What's the Weather Channel saying?"

Urd rubbed her temples, her brain breaking.

"Go on in and check," Keiichi told her. "I'm going to make sure everything out here is locked up."

Megumi nodded and hefted her bat before starting up to the house. Keiichi turned to Urd.

"Are goddesses in any danger from those things?" he asked. "Will Skuld and Sif be all right?"

"Well, they can still use their travel mediums unless..."

Suddenly, behind them, the lights in the house went out.

"We lose power," Urd finished. "Dammit."

"What's wrong?" Keiichi asked.

"Skuld's travel medium is hot water," Urd explained. "If you can't boil water, you can't get it hot, and she can't travel. Sif's medium is music, so unless you can play the guitar or you have a hand-cranked phonograph, she's not coming home that way."

"Great," Keiichi muttered. "So now what?"

"I'm going after Skuld," she said. "You and Megumi stay here."

He nodded. "Okay. But stay on the high ground, all right?" he cautioned.

She smiled. "Tell Belldandy I'll be back in no time!"

888

"So it looks like Nekomi is in for some zombie apocalypse," the Weather Channel announcer said as he pointed to the big yellow and black striped letter "Z" on the weather map. "Now, for those who still have time, you can log onto our website for a complete list of tips and supplies necessary for getting through this kind of event. If you can get to a hardware store, stainless steel zombie shutters can be found for a decent pr..."

The power went out, and Megumi tossed the remote away. "So much for getting more info," she muttered. She turned as Belldandy entered the room with a sandwich-laden plate.

"Here you go," Belldandy said with a smile.

"Oh, thanks, Belldandy!" Megumi said, snatching the sandwich off the plate. "Sorry to impose."

"It's no imposition at all," the goddess assured her. "I'm just glad you were able to get here safely."

Megumi shrugged. "Eh, it wasn't hard." She studied Belldandy's face and saw something that made her suspicious. On a hunch, she asked the question. "So... who's Sif?"

Belldandy smiled. "Sif is a very good friend of mine who's visiting me here from home!" she said, clasping her hands together happily.

There was more, and Megumi could see it. "And?" she asked.

The goddess's smile didn't crack. "And not only that, she knows Keiichi san!"

"And?" Megumi pressed.

"And she loves him very much!" Belldandy said happily.

"And?" Megumi sighed.

Still smiling, Belldandy replied. "And for some reason, that last part makes me want to pull her hair!"

The girl sighed. "So she's after Kei chan, huh?"

Belldandy's smile finally drooped. "Hai," she whispered. She forced another smile. "But that's perfectly fine!" she said. "Sif is a very nice person who loves Keiichi san! I'm sure... I'm sure that she would make him very happy... Hai... very... very happy..." She drifted off from this uncomfortable line of thought.

Megumi laughed. "Come on, Belldandy!" she cried. "Things can't be that bad!" She tried to imagine what kind of woman could possibly rival Belldandy to the point where her friend would be this cagey.

The goddess fidgeted. "Neesan thinks I have to do something to keep him from going to her..."

The college student's eyes narrowed. "Something like what?"

Belldandy didn't have to answer. Her blush told Megumi everything.

"Okay, that's just stupid," she said, shaking her head. "Now, I admit, my brother's a guy and therefore, at some level, a pig, but you can't just do... that... to get him to stay with you!"

"What do you think I should do?" Belldandy asked.

Megumi offered the goddess a sympathetic smile. She and Keiichi were both idiots sometimes, too spun up on being perfect for one another that they don't realize they don't have to be.

"Have you tried the direct approach?"

"Direct approach?"

"Kei chan's pretty smart," Megumi explained. "But sometimes you just have to come out and tell him what you want. Try this..." She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the goddess, bringing her lips close to her ear. "I love you," she said, adding a little tremble to her voice as if she were saying it from a position of weakness. "I love you and I want to be with you forever!"

"Um... Wow..."

Both women gasped and turned to find Keiichi standing there, wide-eyed. He pointed at a red spray can in his hand. "I ... just came to get some wasp spray... Um... sorry to interrupt..."

With that, he turned and stepped uncomfortably out of the kitchen.

They blinked as he left. Belldandy sighed. Megumi released her and stepped back.

"Sorry," she said in embarrassment. "I didn't mean to make things worse for you."

The goddess shook her head. "No, this is my doing. You and Neesan are both right, in a way. I've not acted when I should."

"Well, there's no time like the present to start," Megumi told her.

888

The pink Humvee smashed through the parking lot gate and turned right, tires squealing in protest as the vehicle rumbled through the now deserted streets of Nekomi.

Sitting behind the wheel, Hasegawa concentrated on the road, her teeth gritted as she watched out for zombies and survivors in the road.

"So what do we do now?" Tamiya asked from the front passenger seat.

"We have to get out of Nekomi," Hasegawa told him. "It's ground zero, and even if it wasn't, cities are the worst place to be in the zeepaw."

"Zeepaw?"

"ZPAW," Hasegawa explained. "Zombie Post Apocalyptic Wasteland! Try to keep up with the acronyms!"

"There's one!" Otaki said, pointing from the back seat. "Watch out fo..."

Hasegawa replied by turning the wheel and ramming the zombie, a middle aged businessman at one time, at full speed, sending the undead creature flying.

"Um... I was pointing him out so you could avoid him," Otaki told her.

"We have to get out of the city and make for the mountains," Hasegawa continued explaining, ignoring Otaki. "Get above the snow line and wait for things to normalize."

"Why the mountains?" Tamiya asked.

"Zekes have no body temp," Hasegawa explained, giving the wheel a hard left turn. "They freeze solid in cold climates. That's why the military only studies them in places like Misawa. I just hope the JSDF doesn't have all the roads blocked yet."

Behind them, Otaki turned and saw a bumper sticker on his passenger window. Grinning, he tapped Tamiya's shoulder and pointed to it. A cartoon cat driving a truck with the words, "Hello Kitty says 'Gas, grass or ass! No one rides for free!'"

"Which one are you going to pony up?" Otaki asked, causing Tamiya to rumble.

"Gas!" Hasegawa said suddenly.

"Oh, thank God," Tamiya muttered.

"We're going to need gas," Hasegawa repeated, oblivious to their conversation. "This thing is pretty tough but it only gets about five miles to the gallon. Be on the look out for a gas station that's still open or..."

She trailed off as a familiar Ferrari, flipped on its roof on the sidewalk, came into view.

"That's Aoshima kun's car!" she gasped.

"Sucks to be him," Otaki said, lurching forward as Hasegawa slammed on the brakes. "Hey! What are you doing?!"

"We have to check," Hasegawa told them quietly.

"Look at it," Otaki told her. "Even if he lived, the zombies probably got him..."

"We have to check," Hasegawa repeated quietly.

A little more sympathetic to unrequited love, Tamiya put a hand on her shoulder. "Hasegawa kun..."

"Aw, man!" Otaki cried suddenly. He had lowered his dust-caked window for a better view. "Check it out!"

Hasegawa and Tamiya looked and saw what Otaki was talking about. Aoshima was lying on the ground, half his body out the Ferrari's window with the other half trapped inside. He was twitching a little, his hands moving around slowly but aimlessly in the air.

"He's one of them," Tamiya growled.

The girl bit her lip and blinked back tears. "Okay," she said finally. "Stay here. I... I'll take care of him..."

"What?" Otaki asked.

"We're not going to leave him like that," she said, pulling the shotgun from the back seat. "Stay here, keep the engine running."

"Hasegawa kun," Tamiya tried again, but the girl had already opened the door and stepped outside, walking determinedly toward the Ferrari.

"She... She's not really going to kill Aoshima kun... is she?" Otaki asked breathlessly.

"One of us was going to do it sooner or later," Tamiya told him sagely.

Outside, Hasegawa choked back a sob as she hefted the shotgun and stepped toward the Ferrari. As Aoshima's body came into view, she looked down and saw the zombie's eyes were closed as it twitched. She raised the gun to her shoulder and aimed at his forehead.

"I'm sorry, Aoshima kun," she sobbed. "I'll always love you."

At that moment, his eyes opened and focused on her. "BAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!" he screamed in terror.

Hasegawa responded by screaming in shock and raising the barrel of the gun. "AOSHIMA KUN?!"

"Wh...Wha..." he panted, looking around. "What manner of devilry is this?!" he demanded.

The girl blinked. "Um..."

Otaki and Tamiya, hearing the commotion, had rushed in to help.

"Hasegawa kun!" Tamiya cried. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Senpai, but..."

Aoshima started to crawl from the wreckage of the Ferrari, checking himself for injuries. "I was on my way to the local tavern when my horseless carriage was attacked by those foul creatures of the underworld," he explained. "I was tossed against the cobblestone and must have swooned. When I awoke, this comely wench was pointing some kind of charm at me!"

"Um... 'wench?'" Hasegawa asked, her eyebrow twitching.

"Why are you talking like that?" Otaki asked.

"Like what?" Aoshima asked, searching the ground for something.

"Like a Quests and Corridors nerd," Otaki clarified.

"I have no idea what you speak of," he replied. "Ah ha!" he cried, kneeling down and picking up a long metal pole that looked to once be part of a Stop sign. "My staff of wandering!"

"Aoshima kun?" Hasegawa asked in puzzlement. "Are you okay?"

"'Aoshima?'" he asked, blinking. "What manner of name is that? I am Gulstaff! Sorcerer of Light!"

"Then why did you have to use Magic Missile?" Otaki asked unhelpfully.

"Huddle!" Tamiya ordered. The three of them huddled together as Aoshima looked around, taking stock of his situation.

"I think he's snapped!" Otaki whispered. "The zombie apocalypse and the crash must have broken his brain or something!"

"So what do we do?" Hasegawa asked. "We can't just leave him here!"

They all looked up and found Aoshima pointing at a scrape on his arm and yelling, "HEAL! By Thor's Great Beard! Heal!"

The three of them sighed. A few minutes later, the four of them were rumbling down the street in the Puma for parts unknown.

888

Urd dialed the one-hundred-forty-third number into the pay phone and waited as the phone on the other end rang. Skuld could be anywhere, and hopefully Heaven would have a better idea of where she was. It would also give her a chance to check on something that had been bothering her since she first talked to Sif.

The glass phone booth sat on the corner of two streets that were usually busy this time of day. Today, however, aside from a couple of abandoned cars, the area was deserted.

"NOSC! This is Peorth!" a familiar voice announced from the other end of the line.

"Hey, Peorth, it's Urd," Urd told her.

"Cheri! It's been too long!"

"Yeah, hey, I need a favor," the love goddess told her. "Can you zero in on Skuld from up there?"

"Oui, hold on." As Urd waited, she watched a zombie shuffle up toward the phone booth. She didn't have a whole lot to fear from them. They could still be dangerous to goddesses, but not as dangerous as they were to humans. "Cheri... I'm getting some weird numbers up here. There's something weird going on down there."

The zombie battered weakly at the glass of the phone booth. "I hadn't noticed," was Urd's deadpan response. "Can you see Skuld?"

"Oui, oui, oui!" Peorth replied. "It looks like she's three kilometers north of your current position along with a large mass of people."

"That means she's at the school," Urd concluded as the zombie continued smacking the glass in a vain attempt to get to her.

"And Cheri, I meant what I said about something weird," Peorth went on. "Have you or Belldandy been playing with the LOCH?"

Urd blinked. "The Law of Conservation of Happiness?" Urd asked. "No, why?"

"Because it looks like something has sucked all the happiness out of the city and deposited it at a single point... at the temple."

"Yeah, it's not a very happy place right now," Urd told her as cracks started appearing in the glass. "Look, time's a factor, so I'll just say I'll look into it. Right now, I have another question."

"Shoot."

She grimaced as the zombie started to lick the glass in her direction with a dry, dead tongue.

"Um... can you access Keiichi's wish file?"

"Oui, hold on a sec." Urd waited for just a few moments while Peorth switched databases. "Okay, I've got it."

"Can you tell me if, along with whatever destined factors or rewardable deeds, did he receive any letters of recommendation from any gods or goddesses?"

"Um... Let's see," she heard. The zombie was now working a finger through the hole in the glass. "Here we go! He _did_ get a letter of recommendation, as a matter of fact! From a goddess named Sif. Something about restoring the faith of a higher being."

"Look, Peorth, I know this kind of involves some math, but could you take a look at the numbers and tell me how much of an impact that letter had?" She leaned against the far side of the booth as the zombie started chewing on the broken pieces of glass around the hole in the tiny shack, widening it so he could reach inside.

"Let me get my calculator," Peorth sighed in resignation. Urd listened as the other love goddess calculated to herself. "My, my, my..." she finally said.

"What?" Urd asked. "What is it?"

"Keiichi's wish qualification score was only six points above the minimum," Peorth announced. "The letter gave him ten."

Urd bit her lip. It _had_ been Sif that put Keiichi over the top. Without her intervention, Keiichi would never have qualified for that wish, would never have met Belldandy...

"Thanks, Peorth," Urd said. "I'll look into that happiness thing for you." The glass finally gave way, and the zombie reached for her. "Thanksgottagolet'sgettogethersometimeBYE!" Urd said, before tearing the booth's door open and falling out.

She watched in amused terror as the zombie tried to climb through the booth. Standing up, she dusted herself off and started north...

Toward Nekomi Tech, ground zero.

888

Belldandy found Keiichi at the front gate where the same zombie he had doused with kerosene was still trying to get inside. The college student was spraying the undead creature in the face with a red can of wasp spray with very little result. The zombie just kind of blinked and continued to reach for him.

Keiichi tossed the empty can aside and hmm'd in thought. "Well... you never know till you try, I guess," he said. Sensing her presence, he turned and found his goddess standing there with a hesitant and embarrassed look on her face. He smiled sympathetically.

"Is she okay?" he asked.

"Eh?" Belldandy asked, blinking.

"Megumi," he specified. "I mean... I guess the signs were there. She's never had a steady boyfriend... and she plays on the softball team... I hope you let her down easy..."

Belldandy waved her hands away. "No! No! No!" she cried. "She was just... showing me something," she said stupidly. "What are you doing?" she asked, eager to change the subject.

"We gotta get rid of this zombie," he declared, chucking a thumb at the undead man trying to claw him through the gate. "He's going to attract more of them."

"Poor creature," she said as she looked at it. It had been perhaps thirty years old when it was alive. It wore a white shirt and khaki slacks, as if it worked on the sales floor of an electronics store before it became a slave of evil.

"Is there _anything_ you can do, Belldandy?" Keiichi asked. "I mean, the walls are pretty high and the gate's secure, but if we have to get out of here, the last thing I want is a crowd of those things hanging around out front."

Belldandy put her finger to her lip in thought. "I _suppose_ I could try something..."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Well... right now it's hungry and sees food, but it doesn't know enough to know it can't get in," the goddess told him. "I could give it just enough intelligence to figure that out, and he should move on!"

"Great!" Keiichi cried. "Perfect!"

Belldandy stepped in front of the gate and closed her eyes. Raising her hand above her head, she spoke in the Heavenly program language for several moments before reaching out and touching the creature's hand.

The zombie stumbled back a pace and blinked. It looked around at them for several moments, and Keiichi thought he was starting to get the idea and would move on soon. Instead, the zombie looked down at himself.

"What is that smell?" the zombie asked in an abnormally normal voice for a dead man. "Is this... Is this _kerosene_?!" he demanded. He looked up at Keiichi. "You were going to set me _on fire!?_ You _ass!_"

"Oh, dear," Belldandy said, covering her mouth with her hand in chagrin. "A little too much, I think..."

Keiichi, meanwhile, took exception to the dead man's tone. "You're a zombie," he said. "You set zombies on fire! That's what you do!" he said angrily.

"How would you like it if someone just came up to you while you were in the line at McInverse, doused you with gas and set you on fire?!" the zombie demanded. "Huh?! Would that be cool with you, G?!"

"Hey!" Keiichi cried in indignation. "It's not the same thing! I'm not trying to bludgeon a 'Xellos the Mysterious Pie' to death and eat its brain!"

"Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch!" the zombie replied. "It's not like anyone's trying to eat your _eyes_ or anything!"

"Yeah, because I'd really hate to lose my eyes _and_ my brain!" Keiichi retorted. "That would just plain be awful!"

"Now, now, Keiichi san," Belldandy interjected, stepping between them. "I'm sure this was all just a misunderstanding. After all, if you had known... um... I'm sorry, what is your name, Zombie san?"

"I'm a member of the horde of the undead," the zombie told her irritably. "We don't have names. We're simply anonymous monsters trying to kill and eat you. It's more frightening that way."

"I'm just going to call you Gary," Keiichi piped in.

"Ah! Good! Now, Gary san, I'm sure that Keiichi san would not have attempted to set you ablaze if he knew you were an intelligent creature with thoughts and feelings... and not a member of an anonymous undead horde..."

"Don't count on it," Keiichi grumbled.

Belldandy ignored him. "Now, Gary san, why don't you tell us what it is you want, and we'll find a compromise."

Gary looked at her as if she were insane. "Well... I'd like to come inside your little shrine there... murder everyone inside... and eat your brains..."

"Okay, that is a valid point," Belldandy announced. She turned to Keiichi. "Keiichi san, what do you think of that?"

"I need my brain," he confessed, turning to Gary. "I need it so I know HOW MUCH KEROSENE TO BUY!"

Gary launched himself at the gate, trying to get Keiichi.

"What's the matter, Zeke?" Keiichi called out, dancing to almost within reach of the creature. "Can't get the fresh meat? Huh?!"

"Keiichi san," Belldandy said with a mildly disapproving tone. "That's not really helping us find a compromise."

"It's like a cat who can't get the bird in the cage!" Keiichi taunted. "Can't get me!? Can't get the bird?! Ca-caw! Ca-caw!" he called out, making bird noises.

"YOU'RE DEAD!" Gary screamed. "OR... UNDEAD... WHICHEVER! I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR FREAKING BRAIN!"

"Ca-caw! Ca-caw!" Keiichi continued.

Gary smiled. "Maybe," he said. "But it doesn't change the fact that I'm still the cat, and you're still trapped in a cage."

Keiichi's face fell.

"Dammit," he muttered.

888

"Hey," Otaki said, tapping Hasegawa's shoulder. "Up there... I think that gas station is still open!"

"Great!" Hasegawa replied. "We're going to need money, though!"

"I have fifteen yen," Tamiya announced, checking his pocket.

"I have five hundred," Otaki said.

"What about you, Ao...er... Gulstaff?" Tamiya asked.

"Money?" Aoshima sniffed from his seat in the back. "What is this you speak of?"

"We mean money," Otaki said. "You know... cash... it can be traded for goods and services... you know... cash..."

Hasegawa turned on him like an angry cobra. "Look!" she shouted. "Your GP or your HP! Now!"

Otaki grabbed Aoshima and reached into his pocket.

"Unhand me, knave!" Aoshima cried. "I shall strike you down with my magic!"

The blonde Auto Club member tossed a wallet up to Tamiya, who opened it. "More than enough," he rumbled.

Hearing that pronouncement, Hasegawa turned the vehicle into the service station, the bell ringing as they pulled up, announcing their presence to anything with ears and an appetite.

The girl hopped out and raised her shotgun. "Senpai, you pump. Gulstaff kun, you watch out for Zekes."

"I shall cast Mordenkainen's Faithful Watchdog!" Aoshima announced, raising his stop-sign staff over his head.

"Yeah, you do that," Hasegawa told him, pumping the shotgun and keeping an eye out.

"Hey!" Otaki cried, pumping the handle of the gas hose. "We're not getting any juice!"

"It's prepay!" Tamiya announced.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!" Hasegawa cried.

They turned as the door to the gas station opened and a wizened old man stepped out, shuffling toward them. Hasegawa shifted her aim but stopped short when the geezer called out to them.

"Help ya?" he asked.

Tamiya and Otaki turned to him. "Yeah," Tamiya rumbled. "Fill 'er up on three."

"Can't!" the attendant told them. "No gas!"

"No gas?" Otaki repeated. "I guess the panicked mob got here first, huh?"

"Mob? Ain't no mob!" the attendant said. "Delivery truck didn't come today!"

Behind the geezer, a shambler approached. Hasegawa rushed forward and bashed at it with her shotgun as the attendant went on as if nothing was happening.

"Every week, we're supposed to get fuel from the tanker, bringing the refined gas down from Yokohama," the geezer went on as Hasegawa and the zombie grappled behind him. Aoshima stood next to them and chanted, casting spells at the two. Tamiya and Otaki watched in amazement while the old man continued to complain.

"Today, no trucks! No tanker! Got stuck in the harbor they say!"

Behind him, Aoshima had given up on casting and was now kicking at the zombie as it and Hasegawa rolled around on the ground, the girl trying desperately to avoid the creature's diseased bite.

"So what are you still doing here?" Otaki asked. "What about the zombies?"

"Zombies?" the attendant asked. "Shucks, son! I haven't seen a zombie since the Great Hokkaido Zombie Apocalypse of '98! Back then, we called them 'Zeds.' Little bastards managed to cross the Futsuyuka River and crawl up on the opposite shore! Ran into a brigade of JSDF who had mined the beach! Son, it was beautiful! Like watching fireworks go off! The Zeds took over a town on the south side of the island, and my unit moved in. I tell you we followed them flame-throwing tanks into those hostile villages! Beautiful! Fire everywhere!"

Hasegawa finally managed to get the upper hand and stood up, aiming her shotgun down at her feet and firing, sending a spray of dried blood and brain into the air.

The attendant looked up at the sky and scratched his head at the noise. "Didn't hear anything about thunder storms today," he remarked.

Hasegawa was breathing hard as she turned. "What about hoses?" she asked the attendant. "You got any hoses?"

888

"So how are things going out here?" Megumi asked as she walked up to the gate.

"Not well," Belldandy admitted as Keiichi continued to taunt Gary.

"Woah!" the zombie said, eyeing Megumi up and down. "Now that's what I call a hot lunch!"

"Who's this guy?!" Megumi asked.

"This is Gary san!" Belldandy announced. "He's a little sensitive," she added to Megumi in a whisper.

"Where's Urd?" Megumi asked.

"Oh," Keiichi said, wincing in self-reproach. "I forgot! Belldandy, she asked me to tell you that she went to find Skuld."

"That's pretty dangerous!" Megumi said. "Should we go after her?"

"Neesan will be all right," Belldandy assured them.

"What about Sif?" Keiichi asked.

"Ah!" Belldandy cried, covering her mouth in horror. "I forgot all about her!" She rushed off toward the courtyard, leaving the two siblings alone.

"So," Megumi began. "What's with you and this Sif girl?" she asked.

"Eh?" Keiichi asked, blinking. "It's a long story..."

"It must be," Megumi agreed. "Belldandy is positively terrified of her."

"Huh?!"

The girl nodded. "She thinks she'll take you away from her." She shook her head and smiled. "Can you believe that?"

She saw the look on his face, and her expression turned shocked. "She might!" she gasped.

"No!" Keiichi argued. "No way! I mean... I love Belldandy!"

Megumi gave him a probing look. "But you're into this other girl too, aren't you?"

"It's... It's complicated," he said, leaning against the wall, just out of reach of Gary's grasping hands. "It's like... I don't know..."

"Come on, Kei chan," she said, leaning against the wall next to him. "I'm not going to judge you. I'm your sister. I just want to help."

"It's weird," he finally said. "I hadn't seen or heard from her in three years, and she just suddenly pops in out of the blue and it's like... it's like we just clicked again." He took a moment to think. "It's not like when I'm with Belldandy. Belldandy is so... almost mysterious. It's like I never really know what she's thinking. But Sif... Sif and I just... connect, you know? Almost like I've known her my entire life."

Megumi listened with a sympathetic ear, understanding that this wasn't like his girl problems of the past. This was different. This time his heart really was being pulled in two different directions.

"I love Belldandy," he said with determination. "I do. But..."

"You also love Sif," Megumi concluded sadly.

"I don't know," he said. "Maybe." He grunted a laugh. "I guess that makes me a man-whore, huh?"

"You've always been a man-whore, Kei chan," she said with a smile. "But at least you seem to be a man-whore with good taste."

"I don't know what to do," he said with a sigh.

"You gotta make a hard choice," she said. "But you owe it to yourself and to them to make the choice you _want_ to make. If you try too hard to spare their feelings, you're going to end up losing both."

"Belldandy makes me feel..." He trailed off, his hands grasping at the air as if he could snatch the rest of the phrase out of the air if he tried hard enough. "And Sif just..." He sighed and gave up.

"Well... I haven't met this Sif girl," Megumi told him. "So I can't judge. But I do know that Belldandy has given you two years of her life. I also know she loves you deeply. Damn, I can't imagine the kind of call you have to make now," she finished.

"Keiichi san?"

They both looked up and found that Belldandy had walked up on them unnoticed. She held a viola in her hand and a sour expression on her face.

"Will you talk to her?"

888

A few minutes before found Belldandy rushing to the courtyard where she had left Ameri. Finding the viola nearby, she knelt next to it and gently touched it.

_Ameri san?_

_I told you not to touch me!_ the viola replied angrily.

_Please,_ Belldandy went on. _We need to find Sif. She might be in trouble._

_Of course she's in trouble! _Ameri bit back. _Your sister just took her one hope of true love, crushed it like an empty beer can and tossed it over her shoulder! How could you?! Sif knew you would fight! She knew you would do what you had to to earn Keiichi's love! But she never thought you would turn tramp and spread your legs just to show her up!_ _And even if you did, she assumed you would have the common courtesy to tell her yourself!_

_Ameri san, that's not what happened!_ Belldandy cried.

_You forgot to play with your hair, _Ameri noted snidely.

The viola went silent, and Belldandy stood up. If Ameri was unwilling to believe her that meant that Sif, in her heart, thought the worst of her. It broke the Norn's heart to think that. She opened her feelings to touch Sif's heart and found the raw wound again. She quickly severed the connection before the pain could overwhelm her. No, Ameri was still the best way to find Sif, and there was only one person she might believe.

Taking the viola, she started back to the gate and found Keiichi and Megumi leaning against the wall, talking.

"Keiichi san?" she said, interrupting them. "Will you talk to her?" she asked, holding the viola out.

This was a risk, she knew. In her anger, Ameri might tell Keiichi about the horrible things the Norn had done or was believed to have done. Once they were connected, she wouldn't know what was being said, wouldn't know if what Ameri was telling him was true or false. But Sif was out there somewhere, hurting and in danger, and Belldandy was her friend...

Which meant she _had_ to help.

"Um... Okay," he said, stepping up and taking the viola from her.

The moment he took the instrument, Keiichi's mind was bombarded with angry thoughts.

_YOU TWO-TIMING, SLIMY, PIG-FACED WHORE OF A MAN!_ Ameri cried, her voice interspersed with sobs. _How could you?! How could you do that to her?!_

_What are you talking about?!_ he thought back.

_You slept with her! You pig! You cad! You... you... YOU CHEATER CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER!_

_Oh, jeez, here we go!_ Keiichi cried inwardly.

_She loves you! She loves you, and she only thought the best of you! And what do you do? You sleep with her best friend while she sleeps in the next room! You couldn't even wait for her to leave!_

_Okay! Okay!_ Keiichi cried, confessing his sins. _I admit it! I got drunk and I passed out! Okay?! Belldandy and I fell asleep together! I admit it!_

Ameri sniffled. _Wha...? You mean... You and Belldandy... You didn't... you know... do it?_

He sighed. _No, we didn't 'do it.' Look, Ameri san, I'll admit it. I love Belldandy, okay?_

The boy looked up and locked eyes with Belldandy's, seeing and truly understanding the pain there for the first time.

_I'm sorry, _he said. _ I know this hurts Sif. But I do. And..._

_Go on... _the viola urged as he paused.

_And... I love Sif too... She was the first woman to ever give me the time of day, to smile at me and smile because she enjoyed spending time with me. She made me think that maybe I wasn't so hopeless after all. For that she'll always have a special place in my heart... but I'm with Belldandy... and I love Belldandy... And..._

_It's okay,_ Ameri whispered in his mind. _I understand. I truly do. _

_No, you don't!_ Keiichi thought back. _I... I don't WANT to choose!_

888

The first thing that Urd noticed was that something wasn't right. While the rest of Nekomi was without power, somehow, the lights were still on at Nekomi Tech. The next thing she knew she was positive about was that there were people still inside, evident by the fact that the hordes of thousands of zombies weren't going to waste their time surrounding an empty building.

The third thing she knew was that the school was holding those zombies out. Someone, some A-type personality, forward-thinking go getter had managed to lock down the school, maintain power and take out any zombies that happened to be inside.

And that had to be Skuld... at least to some extent.

Leaping from roof-top to roof-top, Urd managed to get by the undead horde easily enough and landed nimbly in the middle of Nekomi Tech's main quad. The place looked like the line at a Disney World ride. There must have been a thousand people waiting in a line that circled the quad several times, ending at the front door of the main lecture hall and the university proper.

"Hey," she asked, nudging a the elbow of a guy holding a TV in his hands. "What's the line for?"

"To get into Swap City," he answered. "I've been waiting here for six hours."

"What's Swap City?" she asked.

"It's safe, that's what it is," the man told her. "You bring something to swap, and if it's worth enough, you can come in. They got food and water and electricity! If not, you have to stay out here or try to get past the zombies."

Holding to her age-old philosophy that told her lines were for suckers, Urd marched up to the front of the line and pushed an old lady out of the way. Sitting behind a folding table was a student Urd recognized from the Gemology Club. He wore a magnifying glass on the end of an Oakland Raiders ball cap, which didn't do much to hide the look of smug superiority on his pimply face.

"There's a line," he noted snidely.

"Yeah, and I'm at the front of it," Urd told him. "I'm looking for someone I think is inside. I want to have a look around."

"Do you have something to trade?"

"No."

"Then you can't come in," he said with finality.

"I have skills," Urd told him, folding her arms over her chest. "I can trade those."

"The brothel is full," he replied with a smile.

She grabbed him by the tie and pulled him down to the table. "How about I trade your life!?" she asked.

A bigger student, obviously security for the gemologist, stepped forward and raised a hockey stick over his head. Urd snapped the fingers of her free hand and a depth charge fell from the sky and blasted the youth, sending him flying across the quad.

The gemologist held a hand up, preventing the rest of his security from rushing the goddess. "Say you find your friend," he said. "What then?"

"Then she comes with me," Urd told him.

"And I'm sure she'll be falling all over herself to go with you."

"She will be," Urd promised evilly.

"Are you really that good?"

Urd smiled and nodded.

"Then perhaps you have something to swap after all," the boy told her.

"Go on."

"Twenty-four hours of your life," he told her. "In exchange, you get your friend."

"Sounds like a bargain," Urd told him as she released the boy.

"Not yet," he said_. _"First, we have to talk to the campus queen..." He turned and started for the door.

"Campus queen?" Urd frowned and sighed. She could see where this was going. "Dammit," she muttered, following the student through the doors and into Swap City.


	6. Elegy

Disclaimer: AMG is not mine, neither is Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome or Calvin and Hobbes.

**Scordatura**

_**Chapter 6**_

_**Elegy**_

Night was starting to fall as Urd followed the gemologist up to the tower office that used to be run by the Dean. She watched as he disappeared behind a thick curtain and announced her.

"A warrior looking for work, my queen," he said.

A woman pulled back the curtain and smiled. Urd, meanwhile, started to laugh hysterically, pointing at the girl's head.

"Sayoko! What the hell happened to your hair!? My god! You look like Raggedy Anne!"

Sayoko Mishima frowned, her hand going self-consciously to her frizzled hair that stood puffed out like a poodle's coat. "It's not my fault!" she complained. "My hair care products are imported from Paris! Once we lost the mail, they stopped coming! I'm forced to make do with dandruff shampoo!"

Urd wiped a tear away from her eye and gasped for breath. "It's only been one day! Oh, jeez!" she cried. "Thanks! That really made my day! I really needed that!"

"What do you want, Urd?"

"She's looking for someone, my queen," the gemologist told the campus queen. "She might be the solution we've been looking for. She's quick and packing heat like I've never seen."

"I'm looking for Skuld," Urd said, finally catching her breath. "Have you seen her?"

Sayoko smiled. "Well, well, well..." She turned and went to the window, beckoning the goddess to follow her. "Take a look," she invited. "Swap City! My city! Where there was despair, there's hope. Where there were zombies, there are people. Where there was darkness, there's light."

Urd looked down at the campfires and bustling crowds throughout the campus. Suddenly, floodlights came on, illuminating the entire area.

"I will do anything to protect it," Sayoko finished. She turned to the goddess. "Today, 'anything' is banishing someone."

Urd rolled her eyes. "You got goons," she said. "Get one of them."

"This is no enemy," Sayoko told her. "She's the savior of our campus. She's the one who got the power to work, who perfected our defenses. She's a hero to those people."

"And we want her gone," the gemologist put in.

"How?" Urd asked.

"I'll show you," Sayoko said. She held up a remote and turned on a security camera. "The sub-basement below Nekomi Tech, Underground. What do you see?"

Urd blinked in astonishment. "I see Skuld riding a robot."

That was only the first thing she noticed. Sure enough, her sister, dressed in a purple outfit, was riding on top of what looked like a beefed-up version of Banpei. She rode up and down several rows of people sitting at tables, just talking. Each person wore some kind of metallic helmet on their head.

"What is all this?" Urd demanded.

"That's where Nekomi gets its power," Sayoko told her. "Bullshit."

"Bullshit?"

"Bullshit," Sayoko confirmed.

Urd blinked. "Oh! Okay, yeah, I get it," she said. "Cows take a shit and release a high-powered gas called methane, and you use that to power Nekomi!"

Sayoko and the gemologist turned to one another. "We should have thought of that," the gemologist said. "Probably would have been easier."

"No," Sayoko said, rubbing her temples. "I mean bullshit. You see, Urd, the human brain is essentially a battery. It holds an electric charge, but that charge increases whenever it's in use, and it's most in use, we've found, when people try to bullshit their way through a conversation."

"EH?!"

Sayoko turned on the sound and zoomed in on two of the men in metal helmets.

"So, if you had a choice," the one on the right said. "Would you give Geordi his sight back or would you make Data human?"

"I'd give Geordi his sight back!" the other replied. "Because he knows what it's like to see, but Data doesn't know what it's like to be human, so he wouldn't miss it!"

"That's stupid!" the first one said. "I'd definitely make Data human!"

"You're stupid!"

"You're stupid!"

The two men started to slap one another.

"Oooh!" Sayoko purred. "A slap fight! Production is going to be up today!" She turned back to Urd. "You see, by harnessing the power of the Nekomi Tech Sci Fi Club, we have managed to power the entire campus... thanks to the technology your sister came up with." She sighed. "However, it's time for her to go..."

"Why?" Urd asked.

"She's drunk on power," the gemologist explained. He pointed at the screen as Skuld and her robot came into view. "The little one is called 'Purple.' The big on is 'Nurple.' They're a team."

"Why do you call her 'Purple Nurple?'" Urd asked, horrified by the entire thing.

At that moment, Skuld's voice came on. "You! You're slacking again! PURPLE NURPLE!"

Urd watched in horrified disgust as the robot reached out and gave the young man a titty-twister.

"AAAAUUGGH!" the man screamed.

"Never mind," Urd said. "Question answered itself. So let me guess, you want to get rid of the robot and keep Skuld?"

"No," Sayoko said. "I think she's worn out her welcome. We just want her to leave."

"The conditions are simple," the other boy told her. "First, no one knows you work for the queen. Second, it's a fair fight."

Urd shrugged. "Or, I can just take her with me and we go home."

Sayoko smiled. "If you think she'll go for it."

888

Hasegawa stopped the Puma and stared out the windshield in resignation. Sitting as they were on top of a hill, they could see the road that led out of Nekomi and the military road-block there that was turning people away. Apache Long-Bow helicopters orbited the roadblock as a not-so-subtle warning to vehicles that would try to run it.

"Damn," she breathed. "We're too late."

"I feel ill," Aoshima said from the back.

Tamiya's eyes narrowed. "I can understand why. You drank half the gasoline we were hoping to get."

"I do not see why it had to be I who sucked that vile liquid from the depths of those abandoned carriages!" Aoshima said indignantly. After procuring hoses, the four of them had found a car with a near-full tank of gas and siphoned it, forcing Aoshima to do the sucking.

Hasegawa growled. "Because you were supposed to be watching for Zekes at the gas station and let one slip up on me."

"I told you!" Aoshima cried angrily. "I cast Mordenkainen's Faithful Watchdog! The foul creature should not have been able to get near us!" He looked away bitterly and stroked an invisible beard. "Perhaps I need more mana..."

"So what do we do now?" Otaki asked. "Run the roadblock? We do have an armored vehicle."

Hasegawa shook her head. "Those choppers would run us right to ground." She sighed. "We're going to need a new plan."

"What about a ship?"

The girl blinked and turned to address the man who offered the suggestion. Aoshima stared back at her.

"Well," he said. "When one must escape a doomed continent, what better way than to take to the high seas?!" He stroked his invisible beard again. "We must simply be on the look out for the giant squid monsters and the lagoon people..."

"Holy crap, did Aoshima just have a good idea?!" Otaki asked, startled.

"Better than anything else we have going for us," Hasegawa relented. "We might be able to find a small fishing boat or something and slip past the Coast Guard. Okay, let's go."

The Puma turned and disappeared into the night, back on the road to Nekomi.

888

"Yo! Skuld!"

The purple-clad genius turned her head and found Urd waving at her from across the basement. She silently ordered Nurple to turn to face her and scowled.

"What are you doing here, Urd?" Skuld asked, her arms folded across her chest.

Urd stepped confidently up to her sister, eyeing the girl's latest robot bastard creation. It was definitely a variant of Banpei, but this one had three-fingered claws ideal for twisting nipples. It tracked her cautiously.

"I'm here to take you home," Urd told her. "Grab your stuff. We gotta go." She turned nonchalantly and started for the door.

"No way!"

Urd turned and blinked. "Huh?" she asked. "Come on! We know you couldn't move without your travel medium, but it's okay now. I'll get you through the zombies. No problem!"

Skuld scowled darkly down at her sister. "I said no way!" she repeated. "I'm not going back there! You're just a mean-head! Keiichi's a cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater! And Oneesama..." She paused. "Well... I don't know what Oneesama is anymore! But I know I don't want to be there!"

"Don't be stupid!" Urd told her.

"Stupid?! Take a look around!" Skuld cried. "While you and Oneesama were thinking up ways to hurt poor Sif, I was here, _helping people!_ What a goddess is _supposed_ to do! I belong here! And they love me here! Right?!"

She turned to the chrome-headed science fiction geeks. As one, they all covered their pecs and nodded nervously, plastering fake smiles on their faces.

"See?!" Skuld asked, turning back to her.

Urd arched an eyebrow. "We don't have time for your little games," she said, exasperated. "I'm your big sister, and you _are_ coming with me!"

"Oh yeah?!" Skuld asked. She pointed at Urd and cried out. "PURPLE NURPLE!"

"Eh?"

888

Sayoko turned and blinked as Urd reentered her office, tenderly rubbing her breasts and wincing.

"Well?" Sayoko asked her with a knowing smile.

Urd stalked up to her. "I want my sister, food, water and fuel!" She spat in her hand and held it up. Sayoko did the same and took the goddess's hand in hers, sealing the deal. "Now you mentioned a fair fight. What did you mean?"

"As it's outlined in the queen's laws," the gemologist told her from the window.

Sayoko pointed out the window, down at a steel cage that looked like an inverted ice cream cone. "The Thundercone," she said. "No Greek Council, no dean, no appeal. Two girls enter. One girl leaves."

"Okay," Urd said, cracking her knuckles. "What do I do?"

888

Belldandy held the viola tightly as she leapt from rooftop to rooftop, her mind a miasma of confused thoughts and feelings. She had watched Keiichi's face carefully as he spoke with Ameri, searching his face for any twitch or sign of what was being said.

After several minutes of what she perceived to be intense conversation, he had handed the viola back to her and walked off without a word. It troubled her. Something happened in there.

_Ameri san?_

_Yes?_

She thought about how to broach it. Finally, after two days of failing utterly at duplicity, she decided to simply be herself and be straightforward.

_Is Keiichi san going to leave me for Sif?_

The viola didn't answer right away, and the delay filled Belldandy with troublesome thoughts.

_No,_ Ameri finally told her. _Belldandy... he's confused. As confused as we are... probably more._

_I don't understand._

_It's easy for us, _the viola told her. _We already know who we love. We love Keiichi. For him it's worse. He knows in his heart that he loves you. And he knows in his heart that he loves Sif. So whom does he choose?_

Belldandy thought on this as she hopped to a telephone pole rising above a group of zombies and then to another rooftop.

_Is that why he seemed so tormented after he spoke to you?_

Ameri sighed in her mind. _He doesn't want to hurt either of you, but knows that he must eventually. It's that or choose neither. You know him. How do you think he feels about the idea of having to hurt one of you?_

_He must despise it,_ Belldandy told her. _Despise himself... But what other choice is there?_

_Ameri proposed sharing him_, Belldandy told her a moment later. _But that's impossible._

_Why? Why is that impossible? _Ameri asked.

_Because... Because of me,_ the goddess confessed. _I can't share his love. You can call me a horrible person if you must, but it's simply the truth._

_Is it? _Ameri asked. _Tell me, Belldandy. If Keiichi chooses Sif, will you suddenly stop loving Keiichi?_

_Of course not!_

_And is he expected to simply stop loving you?_

_I... I don't know..._

Ameri sighed. _Love isn't a quantifiable thing, Belldandy. It's simply there or it isn't. You can't add up the amount of love a person has for another and declare a winner. So eventually, when Keiichi does choose one of you, the love he feels for the other and the love the other feels for him... will simply be wasted._

Belldandy stopped on top of a flagpole and thought on this. Shaking herself from her thoughts a moment later, she continued her search for her friend.

888

"Oh, you've gotta be freak'n kidding me!" Megumi cried as she stepped up to Keiichi and looked out the gate with him. "Is he serious?!"

Standing at the forefront of a group of zombies across the street, Gary held a bullhorn to his lips and shouted at the temple.

"WE'RE HERE! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE GONNA EAT YOU! GET USED TO IT!"

The zombies around him replied by moaning in unison.

"WE'RE HERE! WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE GONNA EAT YOU! GET USED TO IT!" Gary repeated it. Some of the zombies held placards the intelligent zombie had made. Some read, "Zombie Rights Now!" Others said "My Name's Not Zeke You Racist, Breathing Scumbag!"

"This guy's gonna be a problem," Keiichi noted.

"Yeah," Megumi agreed. "They're not that bad when they're just unthinking shambling abominations, but you get them a leader and this could end badly."

"Any ideas?"

Megumi gave it some thought. "You got any kerosene left?"

Keiichi looked at the growing horde assembling before them. "Not enough."

"I'll break out the softball bats," Megumi said, heading back to the house. "It's gonna be a long night."

"THE LIVING IN THIS TEMPLE ARE OUR OPPRESSORS!" Gary shouted at his horde. "THEY SIT UP THERE IN THEIR IVORY TOWER, THINKING UP WAYS TO KEEP THE DEAD MAN DOWN! DOWN IN HIS GRAVE WHERE HE BELONGS!"

The zombies moaned.

"NEKOMI IS A TOWN WHERE THE LIVING KEEP THE DEAD FROM REACHING THEIR POTENTIAL! THEY WANT YOU TO STAY IN YOUR GRAVEYARDS AND NOT BOTHER THEM WITH YOUR PROBLEMS! WELL WHO'S GOING TO STAND UP FOR THE DEAD MAN!?"

Keiichi buried his face in his hands and shook his head.

Gary saw him and pointed through the gate at him. "THERE'S ONE OF THE LIVING OPPRESSORS NOW! DEAD POWER! DEAD POWER!"

"Uuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh!" the zombies replied.

"DEAD POWER! DEAD POWER!"

"UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

Keiichi backpedaled as the zombie mob suddenly rushed the gate, reaching through the bars at him. Knowing this was only going to get worse before it got better, the college student rushed back to the house.

888

Skuld steered Nurple down the path that stretched between two rows of stalls in Nekomi Tech's make-shift flea market and swap meet. It was amazing what a group of people could do in 24 hours' time when faced with being eaten by zombies. Already a new civilization was springing up to replace the old one, a civilization she had helped bring into existence.

The people of Swap City stepped deferentially out of her way as she passed. They loved her. She had brought them electricity, maintained their defenses, and they loved her for it.

She had no desire to go home. After seeing what grown goddesses were capable of, she felt there was no reason to go back, and if Urd tried to...

"SKULD!"

Speak of the devil...

She turned Nurple around and faced her angry-looking sister. People on either side of the street fled the scene.

"I told you," Skuld began irritably. "I'm not going back, and you can't make me!"

"I say we let the law decide!" Urd told her.

"The law?!" Skuld repeated. She laughed. "You really think the law here is going to side with you against _me_?!"

"What?" Urd asked, smiling. "You afraid to find out?"

Skuld glared. "The people here love me," she said. "They won't let me leave!" She turned and looked up at Sayoko's window. The campus queen was watching the proceedings with amused interest. "Isn't that right, Sayoko?!"

"The law is very specific, Purple san," Sayoko told her. "It sounds like Urd is challenging you. What do you say?"

"I say fine!" Skuld told her. Nurple rose to his full height. "We want justice!" she cried. "We want CALVINBALL!"

"CALVINBALL! CALVINBALL!" the post-apocalyptic survivors chanted. "TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!"

Urd blinked. "Wait... Calvinball? What's Calvinball?"

Sayoko raised her hand, silencing the crowd. "Then Calvinball it shall be!"

The crowd roared in approval.

"No, seriously!" Urd cried. "What's Calvinball?!" She had assumed this would be a fight to the death. She'd destroy Nurple, everything would be cool. But this...

A group of survivors took her arms and ushered her to the Thundercone, tossing her inside. On the other side, Nurple entered.

"What's the matter, Skuld!?" Urd mocked. "Can't beat me without your robot?!"

"Nurple will run rings around you, Urd!" Skuld called back from the other side of the cage.

Around them, people started throwing random objects into the cone, masks, brooms, socks and of course... a volleyball.

"So... How do you play this game again?" Urd asked.

Before anyone could answer, Sayoko leapt from her window and grabbed hold of a zip-line that carried her to her own private booth near the top of the cone. She held her hands up, beckoning the crowd to silence.

"Welcome!" she said. "TO CALVINBALL!"

The crowd cheered. "TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!"

"You know the rules," Sayoko said.

"Um... I don't!" Urd shouted.

Sayoko ignored her. "First one to give up... loses... On your mark..."

Nurple took a ready stance.

"No! Really! I have no idea what to do!"

"Get set..."

"WHAT THE HELL IS CALVINBALL?!"

"CALVINBALL!" Sayoko cried.

Urd looked up as Nurple rushed toward her, and the goddess raised her hands to summon a depth charge. Suddenly, the robot stopped, grabbed a pink bath towel from the floor and wrapped it around his head. The robot pointed at her.

"Ha!" Skuld cried. "Invisibility Helmet! Everything is invisible to you, so you have to close your eyes!"

Urd blinked. "Um... what?!"

"BREAK A RULE, AND YOU'RE A TOOL! BREAK A RULE, AND YOU'RE A TOOL!" the crowd chanted.

The goddess looked up at Sayoko who just grinned and shrugged. "Those are the rules," she said.

"What rules!?" Urd cried.

"Whatever rules you happen to make up as you go," she answered.

Urd grit her teeth and closed her eyes. "So when do I get to open my eyes again?!" she called out.

Suddenly, something bounced off her face, knocking her on her butt! She opened her eyes and blinked through the pain, watching the volleyball roll to a stop near the edge of the cone.

"As soon as you get hit by the Calvinball!" Skuld answered with a laugh.

888

The waterfront was dark, but enough light from the moon shone down on the beach to tell the Puma's passengers that there were no boats left. Every vessel that could get someone out of Nekomi had been taken, stolen or Shanghaied.

Hasegawa sighed. "Damn," she muttered.

"I don't see _anything_," Otaki complained.

"Hmmm," Tamiya rumbled. "No zombies, though."

"They must have left for better pickings," Hasegawa said. They were cruising past one of the public beaches, the sand dunes looking deceptively normal on the shores of the necropolis.

Suddenly, Hasegawa slammed on the brakes.

"Ow!" Otaki cried, banging his head on the driver's seat. "What?! What is it?!"

"There's someone on the beach," she said.

"Yeah, they're called zombies," Otaki told her.

"No, take a look," the girl replied.

Otaki lowered his window to get a better view. True enough, a young woman was sitting at the top of one of the dunes, looking out over the ocean like it was a normal night.

"What do you think?" Hasegawa asked.

"Maybe zombies like to take walks on the beach," Tamiya told her.

"Or maybe she's just a survivor who's gone wacko like Lord Gulstaff here," she said.

"I'm a sorcerer!" Aoshima corrected. "Not a lord."

"We should check it out," Hasegawa said.

"Those things could be here any minute," Otaki reminded her.

"Real quick," Hasegawa promised. "Gulstaff, you stay here," she said. She pulled the shotgun off the dashboard and opened the door. Tamiya and Otaki, hefting their melee weapons, followed.

"How do we know she's alive?" Tamiya whispered as the crept up to the girl.

"We don't," Hasegawa whispered back. "Be careful."

The woman paid no notice to them as the three Auto Club members snuck up behind her. The men raised their clubs while, in the center, Hasegawa raised her shotgun.

Finally, the woman, her blonde hair shining in the moonlight, turned and looked at them with tear-filled eyes.

Hasegawa racked the shotgun and growled. "Say something."

Sif sniffled. "Keiichi sama."

888

Urd couldn't believe she was losing a game as stupid as this. After tapping her on the shoulder three times with the end of a broom, Skuld had declared her in the "Dizzy Zone" and therefore had to spin around until she fell down, leaving her wide open to be hit by the Calvinball.

_This is the stupidest game ever!_ she cried in her head. _It's like they're just making it up as they go!_

Or maybe...

"This is stupid!" she cried. "You're just making it up as you go along!"

"Sounds like someone wandered into the Perimeter of Wisdom!" Skuld scoffed.

Urd smiled as the rules finally clicked. Nurple rushed toward her, and she held up a finger. The robot stopped a few feet from her.

"If I'm inside the Perimeter of Wisdom, then I get to make a decree!" she announced.

"Huh?" Skuld asked, blinking.

"And I decree that it's Robot Slow Motion Day! All robots have to move in slow-mo!"

"That's crap!" Skuld cried. She saw Nurple begin to move as if he were covered in caramel. "Nurple! Don't listen to her! That's a bunch of cr..."

She was cut off as the Calvinball hit her in the side of the head.

"No questioning the decree!" Urd cried, tying a black mask around her head, concealing her face.

"Urd! No cheating!"

The crowd was going wild at this point.

Skuld started getting nervous. "Oh yeah!? Well... I declare a blackout! You can't see and have to close your eyes!"

"Ha!" Urd replied. "But I'm in the Boomerang Zone, so the declaration defaults on the declarer, which means YOU have to close YOUR eyes!"

"OOOOOOH!" the crowd said in awe.

"Darn it!" Skuld muttered, closing her eyes. "How do I know when you're out of the Boomerang Zone?"

WHAM!

She fell as the Calvinball hit her again.

"Oh... right," she said.

She opened her eyes and looked around, but her sister was nowhere in sight. Suddenly, she felt something slap the back of her head.

"Ow! What the..."

Reaching behind her, she pulled something out of her hair. It was a small, Japanese flag.

"Patriotism Day!" Urd cried from behind her, spinning the Calvinball on the end of her finger. "That means you have to recite the Japanese Constitution until either you finish or you get hit by the Calvinball!"

Skuld swallowed fearfully as her older sister started walking toward her. "Um... 'We, the Japanese people... acting through our duly elected representatives in the National Diet...'"

She saw Urd start to raise her arm for a hard throw and recited faster in a futile race to reach the end before she threw. "'...determinedthatweshall secureforourselvesANDOURPOSTERITYTHEFRUITS OFPEACEFULCOOP...'"

WHAM!

She saw stars as she hit the ground.

Shaking it off, Skuld got to her feet and saw Urd hopping around the Thundercone in a burlap sack, a bicycle flag held over her shoulder.

"Bag-Flag Zone!" Urd cried as she passed her. "An extra fifty points for me!"

"There are no points!" Skuld argued.

"Then that means I win!" Urd declared. "Fifty to zero!"

"But... But..."

"You concede that you have no points, right?" Urd asked, hopping to a stop in front of her.

"Well... yeah..."

"And I DID say that I have fifty points..." Urd pointed out. "So I win."

Skuld growled and turned to Sayoko. "SAYOKO!"

The campus queens shrugged. "Sorry, she's right."

"But... That's not fair!"

Sayoko sighed dramatically. "But in this post-apocalyptic wasteland, what fairness can be found in life?" she asked.

Skuld growled. Off to her left, Nurple was still moving in slow motion.

"I declare Urd CALVINBALL CHAMPION!" Sayoko shouted. The crowd went wild. "And as such, she may name her prize!"

Urd grinned evilly and turned that threatening smile on Skuld, who gulped and took a step back.

888

"Urd! This is going too far!" came Skuld's muffled cry. Muffled, because she was trying to shout at her older sister through a giant-paper mache head that had been placed over her head... after her hands had been tied behind her back and she had been placed backwards on the back of a donkey...

Grinning, Urd led the donkey down the road toward the temple. They hadn't come across any zombies, and she'd let Skuld go the moment they did, but for now, it was simply too much fun.

"I mean it!" Skuld cried, thrashing uselessly around.

"Oh, relax!" Urd replied dismissively. "We'll be home soon." Now that Skuld was safely in her hands, her thoughts went back to what Peorth had said. "Hey, Skuld," she said suspiciously. "Did you or Sif do anything to screw around with the Law of Conservation of Happiness?"

"No!" Skuld replied. "Um... provisionally..."

Urd sighed. "What kind of provisions?"

"Um... that I'm not quite sure what that would entail?" Skuld tried.

The older goddess reached up and smacked the paper mache head!

"OW!" Skuld cried.

"Did either of you cast any spells or charms to make people unhappy?!" Urd demanded. "Or make Keiichi happy?!"

"Yeah!" Skuld replied. "Yeah! Okay!"

"What kind of spell?" Urd inquired.

"She... um... she called it a... Hmm... What was it?" She drifted for a moment. "Oh! Yeah! It was a 'Fair Fortune' spell!"

Urd blinked in shock. "Skuld! Do you have any idea what the two of you did?!"

Skuld was silent for several moments. "From the sound of your voice," she finally said, "I'm going to have to go with 'no.'"

The love goddess sighed. "The Law of Conservation of Happiness is what balances happiness and unhappiness amongst mortals. Remember when Belldandy got wasted and started granting wishes to every Tom, Dick and Harry in Nekomi?"

"Kind of," Skuld replied.

"Remember what happened to Keiichi?" Urd went on. "He started having awful luck to balance things out! The LOCH is very finicky! What a Fair Fortune spell does is screw with the balance and knock it out of whack! It requires a huge amount of unhappiness to force happiness on another!" She looked around at the necropolis around her and sighed. "It wouldn't surprise me if this zombie apocalypse and that spell are connected!"

Skuld was silent. "Um... our bad?"

Urd smacked the paper mache head again, sending it spinning around Skuld's head.

"OW! Jeez! I'm sorry!" Skuld cried. "But you and Oneesama brought it on yourselves!"

"How do you figure that?!" Urd cried.

"Say what you want about what Sif did, but at least she did it _for_ Keiichi!" Skuld retorted. "Oneesama did... _that_... with him, and then you came rushing out to rub Sif's nose in it! The two of you raced to the bottom, and you won! Congratulations!"

Urd sighed. "Skuld... Belldandy isn't to blame here, I am. She and Keiichi didn't... you know..."

"What?" Skuld asked. "But... you were telling the truth!"

"Technically... that's true," Urd relented. "Keiichi and Belldandy did _sleep_ together. He was drunk, and they fell asleep together... I worded it so it would be true but would still sound like Belldandy had given up the goods."

"So... Oneesama isn't a slut, you're just a liar?" Skuld asked.

Urd sighed again. "Pretty much."

Skuld was silent for several minutes. It disturbed Urd that she couldn't see Skuld's face, get some hint at what she was thinking. Finally, she couldn't take the silence.

"What was I supposed to do?" she asked her little sister forcefully. "Belldandy loves him! And while that's hard for you to hear, it's something you're just going to have to square with! Now, I like Sif, I really do. But there's no happy ending for both of them. We have to pick one. And I picked Belldandy. And yeah, I lied a little, but it was for _her_ happiness. At least when given the choice, I picked our sister."

"It's not fair," Skuld told her through the paper mache face. "You should have seen her, Urd. Whenever she talked about him. I mean you could see it in her eyes. It was just like when Oneesama talked about him. Like when Oneesama said she trusted anything Keiichi said without question. It was that kind of look. Like no matter what happened, she knew things would be okay, that Keiichi _couldn't_ hurt her. And when you told her those things..." The young Norn broke off. "It was like... like I don't know... That look in her eyes, it was like she was watching Ragnarok... like the whole world was coming to an end and there was nothing she could do to stop it. And I remember thinking, 'Is this it? Is this what love is all about? Who would ever want this?'"

Urd listened and took in her sister's words, chastised by them at the same time. Her little sister had learned and seemed to understand the power love had better than she did.

"I don't want Oneesama to feel that way either," Skuld went on. "No one should have to feel that way."

"Yeah," Urd agreed. "It's a pretty crappy situation, all right."

Together, the two walked toward the temple.


	7. Heldentenor

Disclaimer: AMG is not mine. "Re: Your Brains" was written by Jonathan Coulton and "Don't Stop Me Now" is by Queen. "Believe It or Not" is by Joey Scarbury.

**Scordatura**

_**Chapter 7**_

_**Heldentenor**_

"So you're Sif, huh?" Hasegawa asked, watching as the young woman blinked in surprise at the recognition in the other woman's voice. At the unasked question, Hasegawa went on. "Morisato senpai told me a lot about you," she said.

"You know Keiichi sama?" the goddess asked as the group returned to the Puma.

"Yeah, we're friends of his," Tamiya added.

"Well, except for him," Otaki threw in, chucking a thumb at Aoshima.

"I don't even know this Lord Morisato!" Aoshima defended as he opened one of the back doors. "So... um... Where is the young lady going to sit?"

"Your seat," Tamiya rumbled threateningly. "You can lie down in the cargo area with the water."

"Absolutely appalling!" Aoshima argued.

Sif smiled. "I thank you for your generosity Milord Gulstaff," she said.

Aoshima blushed. "Er... Yes... of course... It's my pleasure."

"Damn right it is," Otaki told him.

The Puma was a large enough vehicle that the only person who was cramped was Aoshima. Hasegawa turned the engine over and put it into gear before turning back to address the others.

"Okay, where to now?" she asked. "The docks are out."

"Try the roadblock again?" Otaki suggested.

"Ma..." Before Hasegawa could get further, the entire vehicle shook violently as something smashed into the hood. "CRIPES!"

Grabbing the shotgun, she opened her door, leaned out and aimed up, pulling the trigger simultaneously. However, at that exact moment, a feminine hand snagged the end of the shotgun and pointed it away, the buckshot flying over the woman's shoulder.

"Hasegawa san!" Belldandy cried with a bright smile.

Hasegawa blinked in astonishment. "B...B...Belldandy senpai?!"

Crouching on the hood of the Puma where she landed, Belldandy smiled as if the entire world _weren't_ falling apart around them, Ameri clutched in her left hand.

Inside the Puma, Sif stiffened. "Belldandy?" she whispered.

Hasegawa turned her head and saw Sif's thoroughly miserable look.

"Gomen," Belldandy apologized. "I saw your car here and I thought you might have seen someone I'm looking for."

Sif sighed and opened her door, stepping out and looking up at the other goddess. Belldandy rose to her feet and looked down sadly at her friend.

"Sif..."

The mortals watched in suspense as the two goddesses stared at one another. From the back of the Puma, Aoshima opened a package of pretzels and crunched slowly.

"I brought Ameri," Belldandy said, holding the viola out to her.

"Thank you," Sif said uncomfortably, her eyes averted as she took the instrument from her friend's hand.

Belldandy hopped down from the vehicle, unsure of what to say. The mortals continued to stare. Finally, clearing her throat, she turned and addressed them. "My friends," she said, "I need to speak to Sif alone. We'll catch up with you."

"You'll _catch up with us?_!" Hasegawa asked, looking around at the devastated city. "Belldandy senpai... you're aware of what's going on out here, right?"

"Hai!"

"Wouldn't it be safer if you came with us?"

Belldandy shook her head. "We'll be fine. Believe me. If you make for the temple, Keiichi san and Megumi san are already there."

"I'm not so sure barricading ourselves is a goo..."

"We have s'mores!" Belldandy added happily.

"Fuck yeah!" Otaki threw in.

"Works for me," Tamiya agreed.

"Might these s'mores have magical properties that will boost my stamina?" Aoshima asked.

Hasegawa sighed. "Fine, we'll go have s'mores and wait to die..." She climbed back into the Puma and restarted the engine. She gave them one last concerned look. "You're sure?" she asked.

Belldandy nodded. "Hai."

Sif nodded. "It will be all right, Hasegawa san. Please tell Keiichi sama that Belldandy will be back momentarily."

Hasegawa and Belldandy both blinked at the implied statement in Sif's words. "Oh... Okay," she said and closed the door.

Belldandy and Sif watched the vehicle rumble away. The Norn finally turned back to her friend. "Sif," she began. "There's much to say."

"No, there isn't," Sif told her. "For reasons... scandalous as they are... Keiichi sama has chosen you, and that is all."

"No! It's not all!" Belldandy told her. "Urd was..." She cleared her throat and tried to find a way to word it that didn't make her sister sound like a shameless liar.

After a good minute of thought, she gave up. "...shamelessly lying," Belldandy finished.

Sif blinked.

_It's true,_ Ameri told her. _Keiichi sama fell asleep in Belldandy's arms, but that is all. He still loves you deeply... just as he loves Belldandy._

The blonde goddess looked at her feet. "He... he still loves me?"

Belldandy smiled uncomfortably. "Hai." She took a step toward her friend. "Which brings me to my next point. Sif... I'm... I'm going to stand aside... and let you have him."

888

"Oh, you know this isn't good," Megumi remarked to Keiichi as the two looked through binoculars at the group of zombies outside the gate. It looked as if Gary had assembled a group of shamblers that still had some strength and they were now pushing and dragging something large and rectangular under a tarp toward the temple.

"What do you think?" Keiichi asked. "Some kind of artillery?"

"Don't know," Megumi told him. "That Gary's a tricky bastard. Could be... wait... Hold up..."

She watched as Gary pulled the tarp off, revealing a giant speaker, complete with the Component City sales tags still on it.

"Speakers?" Keiichi asked incredulously. "What doe he want to do? Have a rap battle?"

Megumi's eyes went wide. "Oh CRAP!" she cried. "They're going to blast music at us and try to Noriega us out!"

She watched Gary put a CD into the changer at the speaker's base and push some buttons. She lost sight of him a moment later when she dropped the binoculars to cover her ears as guitar music started to play.

_**HEYA TOM, IT'S BOB!**_

_**FROM THE OFFICE DOWN THE HALL!**_

_**IT'S GOOD TO SEEYA BUDDY, HOW'VE YA BEEN?**_

_**THINGS HAVE BEEN OKAY FOR ME,**_

_**EXCEPT THAT I'M A ZOMBIE NOW!**_

_**I REALLY WISH YOU'D LET US IN!**_

_**I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US, WHEN I SAY I UNDERSTAND,**_

_**WHY YOU FOLKS MIGHT HESITATE TO SUBMIT TO OUR DEMANDS.**_

_**BUT HERE'S AN FYI,**_

_**YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE, SCREAMING!**_

Suddenly, the zombies started to moan along with the chorus while Keiichi and Megumi tried to blot the sound out with their hands.

_**ALL WE WANNA DO IS EAT YOUR BRAINS!**_

_**WE'RE NOT UNREASONABLE!**_

_**I MEAN NO ONE'S GONNA EAT YOUR EYES!**_

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Megumi screamed over the music. "We gotta take that thing out!"

_**IF YOU OPEN UP THE DOOR,**_

_**WE'LL ALL COME INSIDE AND EAT YOUR BRAINS!**_

"Don't see a lot of choices!" Keiichi shouted back. "If Skuld were here, she could probably make some kind of EMP bomb or something, but we're SOL until then!"

"This guys is really pissing me off to no end!" Megumi replied. "Let's get inside!"

888

Sif stared at her wide-eyed. "You're... stepping aside?"

Belldandy stared down at the floor. "Hai," she said sadly. "He loves you."

"And you!" Sif retorted.

"And were it not for a twist of fate, you would be his goddess and not me," Belldandy went on. "You were there first, Sif. You loved him before I even knew his name. I realize now, these past few days... I was not trying to keep him... I was trying to take him from you." She put on a brave smile. "So I'm going to stand aside and let you have him, because I want you both to be happy."

Sif stepped up to her friend...

... and slapped her across the face.

Stunned, Belldandy's hand went to her face.

"What kind of goddess are you?!" Sif asked her. "You love him! He loves you! It's not about me or you! It's about _him!_" she railed. "If only one of us can make him happy, then it should be the one who can truly do so, and the only person who can decide that is _Keiichi sama!_ If he decides that's you, then so be it! If he decides that's me, then so be it! But it's _his_ decision, and how _dare you_ try to take it from him!?"

"Sif..."

Tears sprang to the blonde's eyes. "Do you think I don't want to take your offer?!" she asked. "I love him! I love him more than any other man I've ever known! _He saved my soul, Belldandy!_" she wept. "But if you just went away, if you just stepped aside, I would forever be asking myself who he would have chosen. You can't step aside now. You owe it to him, and you owe it to _me_ to wait for him to choose!"

Belldandy wiped a tear from her eye and smiled. "Hai," she said. She sniffled and looked up at her friend. "Will you come back to the temple with me?"

"Indeed," Sif sighed. "Belldandy... No matter what happens, I'll always love you as a sister. Always." She smiled and hugged the Norn before continuing on. "But if he chooses you instead of me, I hope you burn in Hell."

888

Gary and two other zombies approached the gate, making sure to stay on the far side of the street and out of sling-shot range, marked by the three zombie bodies lying closer to the gate. One of the zombies with him held a piece of cloth with a big, black "Z" on the end of a stick like a nation's flag.

"Attention, meat sacks!" he called at the temple. "I call for parlay!"

"Piss off, Gary!" Megumi shouted back, though the zombie couldn't see her.

"I'm serious!" he called back. "I turned off the music, didn't I? Let's find a compromise and end this feud'n and fuss'n!"

There was a pause from the temple. "State your case!" Keiichi called.

Gary cleared the phlegm and specks of human meat from his throat and began. "The government of Necroplia offers you the following terms of surrender!" he announced. "First, that you will turn over the war criminal Kerosene Keiichi Morisato for zombie justice, which is followed by a luncheon... totally unrelated, I swear."

"Keep going, I'm looking for my matches!" Keiichi called back.

"Second, that all remaining living people here will submit to being turned over to special camps for the purposes of breeding to sustain a reliable food supply for the population of Necroplia!"

"That sounds pretty fair, keep going," Keiichi called back.

"Third, that the living woman, Megumi Morisato will become my concubine and agree to do all the weird stuff!"

"Oh, fuck that!" Megumi replied.

"Yeeeeah," Keiichi drawled out. "About that last one... Gary, Megumi plays on the girl's softball team, so... well... you understand..."

"What the heck is that supposed to mean!?" Megumi cried.

"You made a pass at Belldandy," Keiichi told her.

"I was acting!" Megumi told him.

Gary rubbed skeletal fingers into his temples as the two siblings bickered.

"Well, you've never had a steady boyfriend!" Keiichi told her. "What's anyone supposed to think!?"

"So anytime a girl likes sports, chooses not to commit herself to a guy and wears guys' clothes, she's a lesbian?!"

"ENOUGH!!" Gary roared.

Before he could go further, there was a clip-clop of hooves striking pavement. Turning, he blinked over dried out eyes in surprise.

Urd casually led the donkey, Skuld still balanced atop of it, up the road right between the zombies and the temple.

She gave Gary a nod and a quick salute as she passed. Gary could just watch in shock.

"What's going on?" Skuld whispered through the paper mache head. "I can't hear anything."

"Nothing, we're all good," Urd told her. She stopped at the gate and waited for Keiichi to unlock it. The donkey brayed as they stepped inside.

Gary stood there, his rotting brain unable to process what had just taken place.

"Okay, what the eff was that!?" he called out to them.

"That was Urd and Skuld!" Megumi called back.

"And Molasses!" Urd added. The donkey brayed in support.

"And Molasses!" Megumi repeated.

"And Molasses," Gary muttered. "Sure, okay, why the fuck not?" He cupped his stiff hands around his mouth and shouted. "PARLAY OVER! YOU HAVE ONE HOUR TO SURRENDER BEFORE WE START OUR FINAL ATTACK!"

888

Keiichi watched the zombies walk back to where the rest of their undead army was waiting. Turning to Urd, he watched the goddess and Megumi untie Skuld and help her off Molasses' back.

"I don't want to know," he told the Norn. "Really, I don't. I'm just glad you're back."

"Where's Belldandy?" Urd asked. "I need to talk to her."

"She went after Sif," Keiichi told her. "What's up?"

"I know why all of this is happening," Urd told him in a whisper.

"You do?!"

"Keiichi san!" a familiar voice interrupted.

"Keiichi sama!"

They all turned and looked up. Standing on the temple wall waving down at them were Belldandy and Sif.

"Belldandy! Sif!" Keiichi cried. He sighed in relief.

"Oneesama!" Skuld cried, rushing up to Belldandy as the two goddesses leapt nimbly down to the courtyard. Before Belldandy could even catch her breath, Skuld was hugging her, knocking the wind out of the Norn again.

"Skuld! You're safe!" Belldandy cried.

"I'm so sorry, Oneesama!" Skuld cried. "I shouldn't have thought those things about you!"

"Good! You're back!" Urd said in relief. "Because we need to talk!"

"Can it wait?" Belldandy asked. "We have company coming, and I need to make some s'mores..."

"This is her fault!" Urd interrupted, pointing at Sif.

Sif blinked. "Mine?" She turned cross a moment later. "Just a moment, I'm still mad at you for being a lying witch!"

Urd ignored her. "She cast a Fair Fortune spell on Keiichi," she explained.

Belldandy gasped and turned to Sif. "Sif!? Did you do that?!"

"In_deed_!" the blonde declared proudly. "My role is to make Keiichi sama happy!"

"Do you have any idea what a spell like that does?!" Urd demanded.

"It provides good fortune to the person it's cast on when in proximity to the caster," Sif explained.

"FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LEFT, LIVE-OIDS!" Gary shouted from across the street.

"Wait," Keiichi stopped them. "So... what you're saying is that good things happen to me whenever Sif is close to me?"

"In_deed!_" Sif replied happily.

Keiichi turned toward the gate and the intelligent zombie beyond it. "Is that so?" he muttered. Suddenly, before anyone could stop him, he reached out and snagged Sif's wrist, pulling the gasping goddess toward him and causing Belldandy to nearly faint.

"Keiichi sama!" Sif cried at his boldness.

Gary was standing in the street, pointing at his watch and grinning with dead lips. Suddenly, with only the rumble of a slightly-untuned engine to herald its arrival, the Puma struck the zombie king head on, sending the corpse flying into the side of a building a hundred yards away and crushing his skull against the brick.

"Holy crap! It works!" Keiichi screamed in joy. Standing behind them, Urd, Belldandy and Skuld stared at him in horror.

Otaki poked his head up through the Puma's deactivated roof turret. "Hey, Morisato! Where're those s'mores?!"

"Holy crap!" Megumi cried at the sight.

The Norns looked at one another in sheer horror.

"So... It made Keiichi happy," Skuld whispered. "So... how is it going to make someone else unhappy?"

888

AT THE EXACT SAME TIME IN THE U.S. PACIFIC AIR FORCES HEADQUARTERS AT HICKAM AIR FORCE BASE, HAWAII...

Staff Sergeant Smith stared at his computer in shock. "Oh... Oh my god," he muttered. "Oh, god, that's ... that's a big asteroid..."

"Dude," Senior Airman Goss said. "You have to tell the Colonel."

"I don't wanna," Smith said. "He doesn't like me. This will just piss him off."

"What do you mean he doesn't like you?" Goss asked.

"He's always mispronouncing my name," Smith said.

"Maybe he's just bad at names?"

Smith sighed. "Just watch." He raised his voice. "Colonel Fisher?"

"What is it, Sergeant Fuck-Stick?!" the colonel replied.

Smith sighed. "Sir, Geraldine Ferraro is going to hit us."

"I always knew that bitch would kill us all!" Fisher cried.

"No, Sir, I mean the Geraldine Ferraro asteroid," Smith said, pointing at his computer. "Asteroid One-One-Five-Nine. It just did a U-turn and is heading right for Earth. It'll hit in about six hours!"

"Son, I have a Class Eight zombie apocalypse going on in Japan right now!" Fisher complained. "Send that shit to AFSPACE! The asteroid is in space! AFSPACE has 'space' in its name! Jesus Christ, son, this shit isn't hard! How long have you been in the Air Force?!"

"Sir, AFSPACE is the one who sent it to us because Ferraro is going to land in our AOR," Smith explained.

"In the Pacific?!" Fisher asked. He paused. "Where?"

"Um... Fifteen, by seven, by twenty-three, by sixteen, by forty-four," Smith read off the sheet. "That would put it..." He punched in the coordinates on the main computer so that the location would appear on the big screen at the front of the strategic operations center.

A picture of Japan appeared as viewed from a satellite in space. The picture zoomed in, the computer marking cities and countries as it went. By the time it was done, there was a real-time image of Sayoko trying to brush her hair into some sense of order in view of everyone in the SOC. The computer supplied all the current information on the location.

NEKOMI INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY

CURRENTLY INVOLVED IN CLASS 8 ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

CURRENTLY INVOLVED IN ASTEROID IMPACT APOCALYPSE

STATUS: SCREWED!

"So... what you're telling me is that this lesbian asteroid is going to slam right into the epicenter of our zombie apocalypse?" Fisher asked.

"Yes, Sir."

Fisher brightened and turned to the rest of the men in his command. "Boys! Today is the dawn of a brand new day! Things are finally starting to look up!"

"Sir," Smith asked, "What about the hundred thousand or so survivors still trapped in Nekomi?"

"One thing at a time, Sergeant Fuck-Stick," Fisher told him. "One thing at a time..."

888

"Keiichi," Urd gasped out as he and Sif parted. "Do you have any idea what you just did?"

"Yeah, I finally killed Gary," Keiichi told her. "I've been trying to do that all damn day!"

Urd rubbed her temples.

Belldandy stepped forward. "Keiichi san, the Fair Fortune spell wreaks havoc on the Law of Conservation of Happiness," she told him. "For every small bit of good fortune that comes your way, an intense amount of unhappiness must befall others."

"That's not true," Sif defended. "When performed properly, it's the other way around."

Urd gestured to the zombies outside. "Does it _look_ like you performed the spell properly?!" she demanded.

"Well, let's see," Sif said, putting her finger cutely to her lip. "I replaced the C with Keiichi sama's hair..."

_Right! _Ameri agreed.

"And the A with my hair..."

_You mean B,_ Ameri corrected.

Sif paused and blinked. "No... I mean the A."

_No, you mean the B. C with his hair, B with yours. A and D are the control strings._

"No, you said replace the A with my hair," Sif told her.

_I did not!... unless I did..._

"You did," Sif growled.

Ameri said nothing for several moments. Then...

_Oooooohhhh... nooooo..._ she whispered.

Sif sighed.

"So what happens now?" Keiichi asked.

"Godzilla's not real, is he?" Skuld asked in genuine fear.

"No, but I think Mothra is," Urd noted.

"PEOPLE OF NEKOMI!"

They all turned and found a helicopter with U.S. markings hovering nearby.

"We're saved!" Hasegawa cried, waving at the chopper.

"DO NOT PANIC!" the pilot said over the bullhorn. "THERE IS AN ASTEROID SIX MILES WIDE HEADING FOR THIS CITY! IT WILL ARRIVE IN SIX HOURS!"

They all went silent.

"Yeah," Skuld rolled her eyes. "But nobody panic."

Keiichi chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Whoops!"

"Whoops?!" Urd cried. "This entire city is about to become a flaming hole in the Earth, and the best you can do is 'whoops?!'" She went toe to toe with him. "Was it worth it?" she asked. "To kill that one zombie!?"

Keiichi thought about it for several moments...

"The answer's 'no,' Keiichi!" Urd supplied.

"Hey!" Otaki yelled at the chopper. "At least rescue us! I mean we're right here!"

"THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO THE OTHER SURVIVORS!" the pilot replied before turning and flying away.

Hasegawa glared. "I really hate America right now," she muttered.

Keiichi turned to Sif and took the goddess by the shoulders. "You have to undo that spell!" he cried. "Turn it off! Take it back! Do whatever!"

"Perhaps you shouldn't be touching her, Keiichi san," Belldandy noted nervously. "You might win the lottery and kill us all."

Sif swallowed nervously. "I can't," she whispered. "It was done incorrectly, so the original counterspell won't work. It would take a huge amount of energy to put everything back to the way it was!"

"So... that's it?" Keiichi asked, horrified at the implication. "There's nothing you can do?"

Sif stared into the fearful, desperate eyes of her one true love and made a decision. Smiling, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "No," she said. "I _can_ undo this. Don't worry, Keiichi sama. I will fix this."

Turning, she calmly started for the temple. Belldandy, her expression stern, stepped out behind her.

"Sif, stop," she commanded. The blonde goddess stopped in her tracks, but didn't turn. "You and I both know the price a goddess, even a first class goddess, would have to pay to undo this spell."

"Price?" Keiichi asked, looking back and forth between the two women. "What price?"

Belldandy explained, but wouldn't let her eyes leave her friend's back, afraid that if she did, Sif would bolt for the temple. "The spell itself is easy to cast," she explained. "But the amount of raw power necessary to tip the scales of fortune back to normal _and_ undo the effects of the original tampering is incredibly high." She regarded her friend for another moment before adding, "It would kill her."

Keiichi stared at Sif, his mouth open in astonishment at what the goddess had just tried to do. "Sif?" he asked quietly.

Watching from off to the side, Otaki elbowed Tamiya to get his attention and whispered. "Are you following _any_ of this?"

The larger man rumbled a no.

Aoshima snorted. "It's obvious even to commoners such as yourselves," he said. "It's quite obvious that these young women, with the exception of the fair Megumi Morisato, are goddesses, higher beings who rule over the universe, apparently of the Norse or Scandinavian variety, which might explain this sudden rising of the dead to plague upon the living!"

Tamiya, Otaki, Megumi and Hasegawa looked at him and blinked.

"Don't listen to him," Otaki told Megumi. "He's not firing on all cylinders." He twirled his finger near his temple in the universal "this guy's freaking insane" sign.

"Sif?" Keiichi repeated softly.

The goddess's shoulders drooped. "This is my doing," she explained, refusing to face him. "In my rush to bring you happiness and win your heart, I've unleashed this wave of misfortune on others... and now have placed you in danger. Only I can account for it."

"No," Belldandy told her. "It doesn't have to be you." The implication in her words was hard to miss.

Sif turned to her. "This is my responsibility!" she cried. "And I will see it through!"

"No."

The two goddesses turned to the man had quietly spoken this single word. Keiichi was staring down at the ground. After a moment, he looked up at them both.

"No," he said again with a shake of his head. "You're not going to do it," he told Sif. Seeing Belldandy open her mouth to speak, he quickly turned and cut her off. "And neither are you." The goddess sealed her lips, shocked by the power and determination in the boy's words.

"Sora," he called out. "That tank of yours still got gas?"

"Yeah," the girl told him. "We're good on gas now. No problem."

Keiichi turned back to them. "Here's what we're going to do," he said. "We have six hours. We're going to all cram into Sora's truck, and we're going to get as far from here as we can."

Sif and Belldandy stared at him.

"Keiichi sama," Sif began. "What... What about the rest of the people here? They'll still be trapped here."

He bit his lip, and it was obvious that the words he wanted to say weighed heavily on him. "I know this is going to sound bad," he warned them. "But I don't care."

"Keiichi san?!"

"Keiichi sama!"

"I don't!" he repeated. "You both have been waiting the last two days for me to make a choice, well here it is. If it comes down to choosing between you and everyone else, I choose you!"

Sif teared up, and Keiichi turned to Belldandy.

"And you," he told her. He swallowed. "I know it's horrible of me to say, but that's my choice. Now let's get our stuff and get going." He turned and started for the gate, beyond which was the Puma.

"No, Keiichi san," Belldandy said to his back. He froze and turned. She smiled at him, tears in her eyes. "We choose _you_, and that means we have to make sure this spell can never endanger you again."

"Indeed," Sif said softly, moving to stand next to her friend. "It is our role as goddesses to preserve life. If we left now... how could we possibly be your goddesses?"

He shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm not going to let either of you do this."

Belldandy put her finger to her lip in thought. "Then how about both?"

"EHHH?!"

The Norn smiled. "If we meld our powers, we can both cast the counterspell as a single entity and use only half the power each!"

"That could work," Sif whispered.

"You're just trading one danger for another!" Urd broke in. "Goddesses don't meld for a _reason_! Many who do can't re-separate!"

"It would only be long enough to cast the counterspell," Belldandy replied. "Ten minutes at most."

"Wait, wait, wait," Keiichi said, closing his eyes, trying to work though what he was hearing. "What does this melding thing mean?"

"Essentially, Belldandy and I would merge spirits and cast the counterspell through our combined angel and familiar,"

"You'd become one person," Urd reminded them.

"For a few moments, yes," Sif told her. "But we'd survive."

They all turned suddenly as something shook the gate. The other zombies, without Gary to lead them, had reverted to their original tactics, pressing themselves against the gate until their weight knocked it open.

"We don't have a whole lot of time," Hasegawa breathed.

Keiichi turned to the two goddesses. "We can still make it to the car and get out of here," he said.

"Keiichi san," Belldandy said softly, "Please trust us."

"We can do this," Sif told him. "We can fix this."

Keiichi bit his lip and nodded. "Okay," he said. "Okay. How can we help?"

"The spell will take ten minutes to complete," Sif told him.

"If you could make sure we're not interrupted, that would be best," Belldandy added.

Keiichi turned to the gate and found more zombies smashing against it, the ancient hinges starting to buckle.

He turned back to them.

"No sweat."

888

The two goddesses descended gently onto the temple roof and looked out at the lifeless city before them. Usually at night, the lights of Nekomi lit up the sky for miles. Tonight, however, there was only a few sparse lights from fires that had started through the city.

"Are you certain you want to do this?" Sif asked Belldandy. Belldandy turned to her and blinked in puzzlement. Sif continued. "He's not here," she said. "I can do this alone. I... I would feel better, I think... knowing Keiichi sama had you after I was gone."

Belldandy smiled. "No, Sif. We'll do this together. After all, if one of us were to be lost, it would sadden Keiichi san..." She turned to her friend and took her hand. "And we can't have that!"

"No," Sif told her with a smile. "I suppose we couldn't."

They took a breath and raised their hands as the two goddesses began to sing.

888

Keiichi hefted his baseball bat as the hinges on the gate started creaking dangerously.

"Okay, here's the plan," he said as the others gathered around. "When they come through, we have to make sure they don't interrupt Belldandy and Sif." He turned to Urd and Skuld. "You two are our second line of defense. If they get past us, just start blasting."

The gate creaked again as the shamblers on the other side reached for them with rotting arms.

Otaki licked his lips nervously. "You know what we need right now?" he asked. At their blank looks, he elaborated. "We need some fight music!" he said. "We need something fast... and angry... like... like Disturbed... or ... or Drowning Pools! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the floor..."

They covered their ears as something hideous blasted through the air.

_**TONIIIIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE MYSEEEELF A REAL GOOD TIME,**_

_**I FEEL ALII..I..I...IIVE... AND THE WOOOORLD... IS TURNING INSIDE OUT, YEAH!**_

"Who the hell put this on?!" Hasegawa cried, unable to hold her ears while holding the shotgun.

"One of the Zekes must have bumped the stereo Gary set up!" Keiichi shouted back.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Megumi cried.

_**SO DON'T... STOP... ME NOW...**_

The gate creaked open, and the shamblers stepped into the courtyard by the dozen.

_**DON'T... STOP... ME...**_

"Get ready," Keiichi warned, raising his bat. The others raised their makeshift weapons.

'_**CAUSE I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME! HAVING A GOOD TIME!**_

Keiichi and company charged at the zombies, weapons raised and swinging at the walking abominations' heads. For every zombie they put down, however, two more pushed its way through the gate toward them.

Aoshima wrestled with one of the shamblers as it grabbed hold of his stop sign staff. Crying out, he fell to the ground, the zombie landing on top of him. Before the creature could sink its yellow teeth into his throat, the butt of Hasegawa's shotgun slammed against the back of its head.

Jumping to his feet, he turned to Hasegawa, who shouted over the music.

"I NEED AMMO!" she shouted.

"I NEED MANA!" he cried back.

Hasegawa raised the shotgun and blew the head off another shambler before racking the gun and ejecting her last shell. She could see the gate over the heads of the ocean of zombies and vehicle that sat beyond. Resting against the temple wall to her left was a ladder Megumi set up to keep watch on Gary.

"I'M GOING FOR THE PUMA!" she shouted to Aoshima, drawing her .45. Turning she rushed to the ladder, firing at three zombies that turned to block her way. Her feet hit the ladder before the zombies hit the ground.

She reached the top of the wall in record time and paused long enough to swap magazines before hopping down to the ground below. All the zombies on this side of the wall were preoccupied with getting through the gate.

The college student rushed forward, killing two zombies as she approached the Puma. Her gunshots drew unwanted attention, and several turned to her. Seeing the open driver's side window, she put on the speed and dove!

She managed to get half of her body into the Puma with that leap. Grabbing the steering wheel, she started to pull herself through. Suddenly, her eyes went wide as she felt cold hands grab her left leg and the pressure of teeth against her ankle...

Screaming in pain, she started kicking and could _hear_ her flesh tear from her leg, but she managed to kick the zombie in the face. Rolling onto her back, she raised the .45 and aimed out the window. A zombie, a piece of her achilles tendon still lodged in its mouth, reached out for her.

The gun kicked in her hand and took half the zombie's head off. Crying in pain, she pulled the rest of her legs inside and shut the window.

888

Belldandy and Sif's voices rose, coming into tune with the melody of the surrounding universe, the currents that ran under and through perceivable reality. With a flash of white, Holy Bell's snow-white wings emerged from the goddess's back as the angel rose into being.

Sif, her voice still resonating with the universe around her, raised Ameri over her head. Floating between the two goddesses, Holy Bell gently took the familiar from Sif and raised it to her chin. Placing the bow to the strings, the angel began to play in tune with Belldandy and Sif, the notes lifted directly from the two goddesses' souls.

Light began to emanate from the two as the zombie battle continued below.

888

_**I'M BURNING THROUGH THE SKIES, YEAH!**_

_**TWO HUNDRED DEGREES,**_

_**THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME MISTER FAHRENHEIT**_

_**I'M TRAV'LING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!**_

_**I WANNA MAKE A SUPERSONIC WOMAN OUT OF YOU!**_

Otaki buried the end of his nine-iron into the skull of what used to be a mailman and tried to pull it out. Nearby, Tamiya grabbed one of the zombies in a bear-hug and wrestled it into Otaki's line of sight.

"Hey! Dai chan! Check dis out!" He held the zombie up as the undead man struggled. "It's Takehiro!"

"FUCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!" Otaki cried in shock.

Nearby, Megumi wound up and slammed her softball bat into another zombie. "Is it working?!" she cried out.

Looking up at the roof, Keiichi saw a white glow begin to spread over the temple.

888

Her leg on fire, Hasegawa reached out and turned the key on the Puma, listening to the engine roar to life.

Tossing her empty pistol aside, she cried out as she moved her legs down to the pedals, sweat breaking out across her fevered forehead. Throwing the Puma into reverse, she slammed on the gas, sending the Humvee roaring backward. She felt the impact of zombies hitting the bumper and being crushed under the vehicle's wheels. Then she felt the vehicle make purchase against her first target...

The giant speaker.

The Component City sales item fell onto its side and fell silent.

"Thank God," she whispered, resting her head against the wheel. Reaching up, she threw the Humvee into drive and pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The Puma raced forward straight toward the main temple gate.

She grit her teeth as the gateway loomed closer and shut her eyes, listening to the sound of the bumper smashing into the undead.

888

"IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!" Megumi cried as the Puma loomed larger.

There was nothing they could do as the Humvee raced toward them. Suddenly, the vehicle struck the gateway, wedging itself into the gateway and plugging it! The horn started to blast as steam rose from the engine.

While the others clubbed the remaining zombies on there side of the wall, Aoshima rushed toward the Puma and climbed up on its hood. Seeing Hasegawa unconscious on the other side of the windshield, he looked on either side of the vehicle and found that the doors were wedged hopelessly against the sides of the gate.

By now, the others were rushing up to them. Aoshima stood up on the hood and raised his staff.

"We have to get Lady Sora out of this contraption!" he cried, swinging his staff against the windshield...

Only to see it bounce harmlessly off, not even scratching the glass. Blinking in shock, he swung again with the same result.

"It's bullet-resistant glass!" Otaki surmised. He climbed up on the roof to try to open the turret.

Aoshima pressed against the glass to get some hint of Hasegawa's condition. He saw her stir.

"She's waking up!" he cried happily.

Hasegawa's eyes, now milky white in death, opened and found him. Reaching up with a pale arm, she slapped uselessly against the glass.

Aoshima caught a sob in his throat. "Lady Sora," he moaned as the undead woman desperately tried to grab him with dead hands.

The rest could only stare at the sight of their friend, trapped in the Puma, futiley trying to sate her unholy hunger.

With Queen no longer blasting from the speaker, they could hear Belldandy and Sif singing as Holy Bell played Ameri in a hauntingly moving melody. The group paused for a moment as the sound washed over them.

A bright light brought Keiichi out of his reverie, and he turned to see a line of blue light reach into the sky from the top of the temple. The line spread out like a Chinese fan adorned with Heavenly script, bisecting the city and started to arc down toward them.

Keiichi shut his eyes tight as the light reached down and touched him.

888

Opening his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that the dead were gone. Not just the zombies, but the corpses of the undead they had killed. Blinking, he turned to ask Megumi what was going on, and found her gone along with everyone else. The Humvee was gone, replaced by a perfectly functioning gate.

The only people left standing there were Urd and Skuld. Turning to them, he opened his mouth to ask, but was at a loss for words. Luckily, Skuld answered his question for him.

"It worked!" she squealed.

Urd smiled. "They did it," she said.

Keiichi's smile touched his ears. "They did it," he repeated quietly. "So... everything is back to normal? Hasegawa's okay?!"

Urd nodded. "The elements of the last few days brought on by the Fair Fortune spell have been removed from being. It's like it never happened. The only people with any memory of what happened will be goddesses and those involved in a contract... such as yourself."

He let out a long breath. "Oh, thank goddess," he breathed. He looked up at the temple, expecting to see Belldandy and Sif smiling down at them.

But they weren't there.

Blinking, he searched the temple roof with his eyes, and finally found some sign of them.

A lifeless feminine hand hung over the edge_**.**_

888

Keiichi gently laid Sif's unconscious body next to Belldandy's in the Norn's room. Standing up, he looked down at them both, sick with worry, before turning and rushing down the hall toward Urd, who was dialing the phone.

"They said it would be okay!" he said accusingly. "What happened?! What went wrong?!"

Urd continued dialing. "It's hard to say, Keiichi," she said calmly. "Meldings are tricky even under the best of conditions."

"Yeah, but... they said it would..."

"Keiichi!" she barked, holding a finger up with one hand and the phone's receiver to her ear with the other. "Shut up!"

The boy's mouth clamped shut.

"Yes!" Urd cried into the receiver. "I need a healer!" She was silent as whoever was on the other line asked her some questions. "Two goddesses!" she answered. "They were in a meld in order to reverse a berserk Fair Fortune spell." Another pause. "Uh huh," she said. "Uh huh... Got it!"

She hung up.

"What's going on!?" Keiichi demanded.

Urd rushed to the kitchen and turned on the faucet, filling the sink with water. As it filled, she searched the cupboard and found a large bag of salt.

"Urd!"

"I called a healer!" she said. "Hopefully, he'll know what to do." Without preamble, she dumped the salt into the sink.

"What are you doing?" Keiichi asked.

"Making saline," Urd told him.

"They need salt water?" he asked, confused.

"No, the healer's trav..."

Suddenly, there was a brown-haired man in a white and red robe standing in his sink.

"Um... hi," he said with a wave.

"Hey," Keiichi said in awe.

The man climbed out of the sink and shook the water out of the bottom of his robe. "Where are they?" he asked.

"This way," Urd said, leading him down the hall.

888

"So," Tamiya began as he and Otaki walked down the street toward their dorm. "What do you think we should challenge them to tomorrow?"

"We're running out of stuff that we're good at," Otaki complained morosely.

The two men didn't notice the hands reaching up behind them...

"Maybe darts?" Tamiya suggested.

"Maybe..." Suddenly, Otaki cried out as something grabbed his shoulder!

"Hey, Senpai!" Hasegawa greeted with a smile.

"Hasegawa!" Otaki gasped. "You scared me."

"Gomen," the girl told them, chastened. "What's up?"

"We're trying to decide to challenge the Four Wheels Club to tomorrow," Tamiya supplied.

"How about baking?" an unctuous voice suggested.

They turned and found Aoshima there.

"This is Auto Club biz-ness," Tamiya told him point-blank. "Move along."

"Very well," Aoshima said with a smile and shrug. "Have a good evening, ladies." He paused and gave a short bow to Hasegawa. "Lady Sora..."

He walked off, leaving the three there alone in their confusion.

"He's a whack-a-doo," Otaki commented.

"But what are we going to do tomorrow?" Tamiya asked again.

Hasegawa grinned. "How about skeet shooting?"

"We don't know the first thing about shooting!" Otaki protested.

"Trust me, Senpai," she told them as she took their hands and led them down the street. "Something tells me we'll do better than you think."

888

Keiichi paced back and forth in the living room as Skuld watched from her seat on the floor.

"Keiichi," she said quietly. "I'm... I'm sure Oneesama and Sif will be okay."

He turned and paced in the other direction, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have let them do it," he said.

"They had to," Skuld told him.

"Why?!" he demanded, suddenly whirling on the girl.

"Because they're goddesses," Skuld answered as if it were the most normal thing in the universe. "It's who they are."

He started pacing again, but looked up a moment later as he heard the door to Belldandy's room open and saw the healer, Nyd, and Urd appear.

"So?" he asked.

Nyd cleared his throat. "They were lucky... a little," he told her. "They're sleeping now. It looks like they were in the process of reseparating when whatever spell they were casting sapped the last of their strength. Now, the good news is that they are still two entities."

"And the bad news?" Skuld asked.

"At the same time, they are not," Nyd told her. He pulled a pen out of his robes and found a piece of paper on a shelf nearby. He drew three circles in a vertical line as he explained. "Imagine," he said, "That these circles represent Belldandy's mind, spirit and body." He drew another set of circles, these just barely overlapping the other three. "And these are Sif's," he said. "They're just barely touching, but it's enough to link them."

"Okay, but what does that mean?" Keiichi asked.

Nyd appeared confused. "Well... to be honest... I'm not sure. Normally, when goddesses meld they meld completely into one body, mind and spirit. I'm not quite sure what such a slight meld will mean."

"But they're going to be all right... right?" the college boy asked.

"I think so," Nyd relented. "They seem okay. They're just in recharge mode. That's kind of odd, though, that they have the same recharge method."

"They don't," Urd told him quietly. "Sif's recharge medium is hard core gangsta rap."

Keiichi blinked. "Seriously?"

Urd nodded.

"Wow," Nyd commented. "So the symptoms are already manifesting."

"What else can we expect?" Urd asked him.

His gaze lingered on her for a moment. "Well," he finally said, "Like we're seeing here with the recharge methods, some elements of one may have crossed to the other. How well they adapt to this new arrangement will depend on how well they knew each other before."

"They were best friends," Skuld supplied helpfully.

"Good, good," Nyd said, nodding. "That should help."

"Wait," Keiichi said. "You mean... this is permanent?"

Nyd looked at him and blinked. "I'm sorry," he said. "I thought you knew. There's no way to undo a melding once it's settled."

888

Urd had managed to convince Keiichi to get some sleep. After all, even though it technically hadn't happened, he had spent the last two days fighting off a zombie apocalypse, and that wore a man down.

She walked Nyd to the sink, listening as he gave last minute instructions.

"They'll probably be quite confused and unsettled," he told her. "Try to keep them calm and don't let them try to forcibly or magically separate themselves until you know what their new limitations are. I'll return in three days to check up on them."

Urd nodded. "Thanks, Doc," she said.

"Any questions?" he asked her.

She shook her head. Nyd paused.

"Something else?" she asked.

"Um..." The healer looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I was just... um... thinking... that perhaps... you know... in an unofficial capacity, perhaps... um... well, I was just... maybe... If you weren't doing anything sometime... anytime... I mean..."

Urd held up her card. "Call me."

He took the card and blushed. "Um.. Yeah, okay, I mean..."

Before he could get further, Urd pushed him into the sink. The healer disappeared with a splash.

888

Keiichi slept and dreamed, but found no peace. His thoughts were filled with images of Belldandy and Sif, trying to figure out what this melding stuff meant. Nyd implied they would be different, how so? What if...

What if neither one of them wanted to stay with him anymore?

_Keiichi san, _they both said in unison in his head. _We're very sorry, but now that we have one another, there's really no need for you anymore. It's time for us to go. Don't worry, though, Urd is going to stay behind and take over as your goddess..._

His eyes shot open, and he took a breath, closing his eyes again. He felt something stir to his right and turned to see what it was.

Belldandy lay next to him, sleeping with her hand resting on his chest. Blinking, he turned to his left and found Sif sleeping in the exact mirror image position Belldandy was in.

"I'm still dreaming," he muttered to himself. At least this dream was far and beyond better than the last one...

Belldandy stirred a little. "Did you say something, Keiichi san?" she asked sleepily.

Keiichi's eyes went wide at the sound of her voice even as Sif spoke from his left.

"He's dreaming about us, Belldandy," Sif mumbled tiredly. "Let him sleep."

A moment later, Keiichi was on the other side of the room, his back against the wall as his eyes took in the sight of the two goddesses sitting up and blinking at him in puzzlement.

"Keiichi san?" Belldandy asked. "Are you..."

"...feeling well?" Sif finished.

He shook his head. "Are... Are you two... feeling better?" he asked stupidly.

The two women looked to one another. "I feel fine," Sif said.

"As do I," Belldandy agreed.

Keiichi blinked. Perhaps Nyd had been wrong. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Belldandy smiled. "In_deed!_"

Sif blinked at her and turned to Keiichi. "Keiichi sama? Has some..."

"...thing happened?" Belldandy finished. "Now that you men..."

"...tion it, there is some..." Sif took over.

"...thing different," Belldandy finally finished.

The goddesses looked at one another. Sif arched an eyebrow as Belldandy blinked.

Keiichi just watched for a moment.

Without warning, Sif, began speaking quickly. "IamtheverymodelofamodernmajorgeneralI've..."

"...informationvegetableanimalandmineralIknowthekingsofEn..."

"...glandandIquotethefightshistoricalfromMara..."

"...thontoWaterlooinordercategorical!" Belldandy finished, her hands going to her mouth in shock. The lyrics had been sung seamlessly... and Belldandy didn't even know that song.

They turned to him and spoke in unison. "Keiichi, what's going on!?"

He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head. "Well," he began, "It looks like the two of you... um... melded... and then... well... didn't completely... _un_meld..."

"WHAT?!" they cried, again in unison.

"This is..."

"...awful!" Belldandy finished for Sif. They looked at each other again.

"Stop..."

"... that!" Belldandy finished again. "I can't..."

"...help it!" Sif finished for the Norn.

The two stared at each other for a hard minute...

And then started to giggle.

Keiichi took a breath and sighed as Belldandy spoke to Sif. "Okay! I'll go first..." She cleared her throat. "Betty Botter had some butter, 'But...'"

"...she said, 'This butter's bitter! If I bake...'"

"'...this bitter butter, it would make my batter...'"

"'...bitter. But a bit of bet...'"

"'...ter butter...'"

"'THAT WOULD MAKE MY BATTER BETTER!'" the two squealed happily, jumping up and down as they clapped hands.

"Well, at least they're not down about it," Keiichi muttered.

"My turn! My turn!" Sif cried. "A Tudor who tooted..."

"...a flute tried to tutor two..."

Keiichi sighed again.

_**THREE HOURS LATER...**_

"Believe it or not! I'm..."

"...walking on air! I never thought I..."

"... could feel so free-ee-ee! Flying away..."

"... on a wing and a prayer! Who could it..."

"...be? Believe it or not, it's just me!"

Standing off to the side as the two goddesses sang their third '80s TV show theme song, Urd turned to Keiichi.

"Okay, seriously, do something or I'm going to murder them both."

"What do you want me to do?" Keiichi asked as the two joined goddesses entered another giggling fit.

Urd thought for a moment and grinned. "Oh my, Keiichi!" she cried in faux-alarm. "Was that your stomach growling?! When was the last time you ate?!"

Two sets of eyes simultaneously locked onto him like a surface to air missile locking onto a slow-moving plane.

Keiichi gulped. "Urd," he whispered. "What have you done?"

"Oh, Keiichi san!" Belldandy cried. "I'm so sorry!"

"We completely forgot about breakfast!" Sif said, her hands over her mouth.

Without another word, the two goddesses rushed for the kitchen.

"This might not be so bad," Urd told Keiichi with a smile. "Twice as much breakfast twice as fast!" She saw his troubled expression and frowned. "What?" she asked.

"Doesn't it bother you?" he asked. "That Belldandy is... different... now?"

Urd shrugged. "Doesn't seem too different to me. Besides, this might be good for her."

"How so?"

The Norn gave the question some thought. Finally, she turned to him. "Okay, I've got nothing!"

He sighed. "Urd..."

"Regardless, Keiichi, you're going to have to get used to it," she warned him. "My sister and Sif are part of a package deal now. It's not like you can just send one of them home now."

She walked off, and Keiichi just stared at her back. Was she right? How much would this change things?

Were they still the same women he knew?

"Keiichi sama!" he heard Sif call.

"Breakfast is ready!" Belldandy added.

He let his mind dwell on his situation for another moment before giving up and heading toward the kitchen.


	8. Finale

Disclaimer and foreword: AMG does not belong to me.

This fic isn't for everyone, I'll cop to that right now. I was writing _Choix_ and after 24 chapters of dark, serious writing, you have to watch out for writer's fatigue. It's happened before, usually while working on darker series, and I knew the best thing to do for it was to write something funny, wacky and totally unserious. Hence, a zombie apocalypse in an AMG fic. At the same time, I wanted to do something totally different with the Keiichi/Belldandy relationship. I didn't want to do the usual "Keiichi and Belldandy lived happily ever after." I wanted something the reader wouldn't expect, even if it meant it rubbed some the wrong way.

I also wanted to lampoon fandoms and fit in as many cult followings as I could. In eight chapters, we managed to get in _Dungeons and Dragons, The Big Lebowski, Battlestar Galactica, Dawn of the Dead, Monster Island, Day By Day: Armageddon, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome_, _The Greatest American Hero, Shaun of the Dead, The Empire Strikes Back, That 70's Show, The Weather Channel, _blogs_, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Terminator, The Godfather, Dead Alewives, 8-Bit Theater, Hello Kitty, Calvin and Hobbes, The Backyardigans, Red vs. Blue, _AIM, and the brave men and women of the United States Air Force and U.S. Pacific Command.

**Scordatura**

_**Chapter 8**_

_**Finale**_

* * *

**"Sometimes, you gotta roll a hard six..."**

_Commander William Adama_

_Battlestar Galactica_

* * *

_Urd's Naughty Bedtime Stories Blog_

_Sept. 21_

_Wonder Twin Powers, Activate! Form of: TWO ANNOYING CHICKS!_

_It's been three days since Belldandy and Sif woke up and found out they were still melded. Since then it's been a non-stop cacophony of annoyance. I love my sister, and I'm certainly glad that this new situation isn't making her unhappy (quite the contrary, she seems to love it, but I'll get into that later), but this giggly, girly stuff has to stop! Sometimes they just sit together looking at Keiichi and giggling, and when I ask them what they're talking about, they suddenly clam up and go, "Nothing!" in perfect stereo. (Insert sigh)._

_Enough bitching. Onto my "findings." Dr. Nyd, (nice ass, BTW) says this is the first "partial melding" in history, and he's quite interested in studying it. As a love goddess in good standing, I thought it my duty to assist, so I've been taking notes._

_The first thing I've noticed is that each of them appears to have gained something from the other in the melding. Belldandy, at one time constantly second-guessing herself when it came to Keiichi, has suddenly found a new wellspring of confidence, something Sif had in spades. Meanwhile, Sif has found a sense of love for herself, something she had lost after that whole episode with Loki. So while Belldandy had plenty of love and feelings for Keiichi before, she lacked the confidence to do much about it. And while Sif had plenty of confidence, she had convinced herself subconsciously that she wasn't worthy of his love. Now both elements have leveled off. Translation: That poor boy is SCREWED!_

_(Insert sigh, eye-roll and disapproving-goddess-glare-of-disapproval) Poor Keiichi. He's been moping around the house for three days, afraid that Belldandy and Sif have maybe changed _too _ much. I don't think he realizes yet just how boned he really is._

_The second thing I've noticed is that strictly speaking, they're not a single entity. They're still two people, but they're so close spiritually and mentally that it _appears_ that they're the same person. It's not that Belldandy knows what Sif is thinking at any given time, it's that under those same conditions, she's thinking the same thing. This allows them a level of almost precognitive coordination between them. Poor_ _Keiichi had better watch himself. Sif and my sister agree on their love for him more than anything else, and they're going after him. They've become a couple of coordinated, ruthless pack hunters of romance. Velociraptors of Love! No! Wait! Scratch that! VeLOVEciraptors! Trademarked!_

_I slay me..._

_**Three comments for "Wonder Twin Powers, Activate! Form of: TWO ANNOYING CHICKS!"**_

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: "Veloveciraptors" sucks! They're more like ninjas, anyway. Except, you know, instead of murdering people they make them breakfast and do their laundry...**

**Heavenly Body: Shut up, Skuld.**

**Petite-Fleur: Mon Dieu! That's hysterical!** **It's nice to hear that Belldandy's become a little more confident, or should I say "aggressive?"**

888

Keiichi sighed as his fingers froze over the keyboard. With all that'd happened the last week, he was behind on his thermodynamics paper. He wasn't complaining, really. It gave him some time alone. The real problem was that thoughts of Belldandy and Sif kept intruding into his thoughts, making it almost impossible to get more than a few words on-screen before his mind wandered and he'd end up having to look at the book again to get his thoughts back on track.

Sighing again, he did this now. Turning to the left and flipping though the text until he found what he needed. There it was. Duh. Turning back to the computer his eyes glanced to the right and found eyes staring back.

"Hello, Keiichi sama!" Sif cried in greeting.

Startled, he gave a gasp of surprise and fell backwards...

Only to feel his head come to rest on someone's lap. Looking up, he found Belldandy's eyes smiling down at him as she reached down and gently played with his hair.

"Good afternoon, Keiichi san," she said.

"Um... hi," he replied, even as Sif crawled closer, stopping in front of him and not quite straddling his legs. The college student fought down his flight reflex as he realized the goddesses had him neatly trapped. The way he was, he couldn't bring his legs up to scoot away without kicking Sif in the face, and she was so close that he couldn't sit up without his chest smacking into her, meaning he couldn't lift his head off Belldandy's lap either.

"Keiichi sama, Belldandy and I would like to speak with you," Sif told him.

"Oh... oh yeah?" he asked.

"Hai," Belldandy replied, caressing his face. "We're concerned for you."

"Concerned?" he repeated stupidly.

"In_deed_," Sif said, her eyes expressing her concern. "The past three days, Belldandy and I have been working on becoming more accustomed to our situation."

"However," Belldandy continued, picking up where Sif left off without missing a beat, "We realize now that by concentrating on us, we've neglected you. After all..."

"...you're affected by this as well," Sif finished.

He swallowed nervously. "Well... um... I've been worried about you two, if that's what you mean," he said. "I mean... It can't be easy..."

"Always so sweet," Sif said with a smile.

"Hai," Belldandy agreed. "It's one of the reasons we care so much about you, Keiichi san and why we don't want to see you sad."

"If you're sad, what does that say about us as your goddesses?" Sif asked.

"We're supposed to make you happy," Belldandy agreed.

"Do we make you happy, Keiichi sama?" Sif asked with a pout.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... What?" Keiichi asked. "No, I mean yes! I'm very happy!"

The goddess's faces both fell simultaneously.

"What?" he asked.

"Keiichi san," Belldandy began, "You're lying. We can tell."

"You're trying to spare our feelings," Sif explained. "And while we appreciate that..."

"It's not very helpful to us," Belldandy finished.

"We want you to know that everything is going to be all right, Keiichi sama," the blonde goddess told him.

"Sif and I are fine, and we love you," Belldandy added. "Which means, unfortunately, that there's a choice that you must make."

He sighed. Here it was. He'd been putting it off.

He nodded. "You're right. I owe it to both of you, and I don't want to string you along, I just... I just don't know how I'm supposed to choose between you... especially now..."

The two goddesses looked at one another and smiled.

"Keiichi sama, you don't understand," Sif told him. "This melding has altered our little dynamic radically."

"You see, Keiichi san," Belldandy went on. "Sif and I are a melded being. Her joys are my joys. My sadness is hers. As a result, it's very difficult for one of us to find some form of fulfillment if the other one cannot."

"Meaning?" Keiichi asked, genuinely confused.

"Meaning, Keiichi sama, that it's no longer a choice between one of us or the other," Sif told him.

"It's a choice between both of us..." Belldandy said.

"Or neither of us," Sif finished.

888

_Urd's Naughty Bedtime Stories Blog_

_Sept. 21_

"_And Brave Sir Keiichi Ran Away!"_

_Well, Belldandy and Sif certainly stuck their collective feet in their mouths this time. They approached Keiichi with what they saw as a perfect solution to all their problems, failing to take into account the differences between the way things work on Earth and the way they do in Heaven. In Heaven, love is love, and if three, four or five gods and goddesses want to have some kind of romantic relationship, it's merely considered another expression of love. Here in Japan, however, it's considered weird, taboo and, when taken to its logical end, illegal. Upon hearing their little ultimatum, Keiichi's brain shut down. He's been passed out for six hours now while Belldandy and Sif (BTW: Which do you prefer: Bellsif or Sifdandy? Discuss!) hover over him, trying to make him one tenth of one percent more comfortable than he was thirty seconds before. _

_You gotta feel sorry for him. It's an impossible yet tempting situation. I'm wondering how he's going to deal with it. _

_**Five comments for: "And Brave Sir Keiichi Ran Away!"**_

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: Maybe we should call your boyfriend...**

**Heavenly Body: He's not my boyfriend. And shut up.**

**Music Man: Boyfriend?! Who?!**

**Heavenly Body: Stay off my blog, Troubadour. I'm not going to tell you again.**

**Petite Fleur: Sifdandy. Definitely Sifdandy.**

888

"Well, what did you expect to happen?" Urd asked, not even looking up from her laptop as Belldandy and Sif paced past one another over and over again in the living room.

"Expect?" the two goddesses asked, blinking at her.

"Yeah," the older Norn said. "I mean when you came up with the idea to spring that on him, you must have had some thought in your head on how it would go. So what did you expect to happen?"

Belldandy and Sif looked to one another.

"Well," they both said, their fingers going to their lips in thought...

"_Oh, Belldandy, Sif," Keiichi said with a relieved smile. "You have no idea how happy that makes me..."_

"Stop!"

Sif turned to Belldandy. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Belldandy smiled uncertainly. "Is it just me, or have you also noticed that when Keiichi speaks in our dream sequences he sounds like Eric Bana from that movie, 'Troy?'"

"I have noticed," Sif told her firmly. "And I have elected to simply roll with it."

"Very well, continue please."

"_Oh, Belldandy, Sif," Keiichi said with a slight Australian accent. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."_

"_Keiichi sama!" Sif cried, embracing him._

"_Keiichi san!" Belldandy followed at the same moment. "We love you so much! We always want to remain by your side!"_

"_And you always will," he told them. "Now let's go into town and get a puppy..."_

Urd and Belldandy blinked at Sif.

"A puppy?" Urd asked.

Sif made a little circle in the floor with her toe. "I live in an apartment in Heaven," she explained. "We're not allowed to have pets."

They stared at her for another moment.

"Can we have a..."

"No," Urd said firmly.

"But..."

"No!"

"Fine!" Sif huffed, her arms folded over her chest. Belldandy comforted her.

"Well," Urd began, trying to get the conversation back on track. "It sounds like you're suffering from overly high expectations. I can understand Sif thinking that, but Belldandy, you've lived here for two years. You know how polygamy is viewed down here. There's a place on Earth for that, and it's called 'Utah.'"

"Hai," Belldandy agreed sadly. "I had hoped, however, that if Keiichi truly loved us both, he would be willing to look past that... cultural inconsistency."

"It's a societal norm that's very deeply ingrained, Sis," Urd told her.

Sif turned to her, a look of sudden horror falling over her delicate features. "You speak as if he might choose 'neither!'" she said. Belldandy looked to Urd, unable to believe it herself.

"He might," Urd confessed. "You put him in a bad place."

"So what do we do?!" Belldandy asked.

Urd shrugged. "You gotta normalize it somehow. Make him think of it as less of a taboo, weird thing and more like something he's comfortable doing." She sighed. "Also, if you really intend for this to work, you're both going to have to make some hard decisions."

"What do you mean?" Belldandy asked.

"Well, I'm assuming that if you love Keiichi, you intend to marry him some day..."

At this, both Sif and Belldandy sighed happily and stared off into space.

Urd arched an eyebrow and snapped her fingers at them, bringing them back to Earth.

"I mean... of course!" Sif countered.

"Hai!" Belldandy said.

"Well, he can't marry you both," Urd told them point blank. "For this to fit into the societal norms of Earth, one of you is going to have to be the wife and the other is going to have to be the mistress."

Belldandy and Sif looked to one another. A moment later, the Norn snapped her fingers.

"We can take turns!" Belldandy cried.

Sif clapped happily. "Belldandy, that's brilliant!"

Urd rubbed her temples.

"He could marry one of us," Belldandy went on. "Then after say, five years, he divorces her and marries the other!" She smiled excitedly. "This way there's always a wedding to look forward to!"

"Only you could think that's a good idea!" Urd shouted at her. She sighed. "Besides, that's getting a little ahead of yourselves. You still have to convince him this is a good idea."

"How do we do that?" Sif asked.

"Well, I'd start with trying to make it as normal as possible," Urd told her.

888

When Keiichi opened his eyes, he found two very sad and contrite goddesses sitting beside him.

"Sorry," he said. "What were you saying?" he asked as if had only blacked out for a second instead of eight hours.

Belldandy and Sif closed their eyes. "Keiichi san, we're sorry," Belldandy said.

"We forget sometimes that things work differently than in Heaven," Sif added.

"We did not mean to make it sound like an ultimatum..."

"... or to imply that you even had to make a decision now," Sif finished.

Keiichi looked at them. "Oh."

"We just want to spend time with you," Belldandy explained.

"Tomorrow is Saturday," Sif said. "Will you take us out for a nice, normal date?"

"A nice... _normal_... date?" he asked.

"Hai!"

"In_deed!_"

"Um... Yeah, okay," he said. "That sounds like something where nothing could possibly go wrong."

888

_Urd's Naughty Bedtime Stories Blog_

_Sept. 22_

_On the Hunt!_

_Today, I finally get a chance to observe Goddessius Annoyussus, or "the Veloveciraptor" in the wild. Keiichi, having recovered from his near-death experience, agreed to take them out on a date, so he's taking them to the shopping district for a movie and a nice relaxing day shopping around. Of course, this didn't come out of the blue. Belldandy and Sif are trying to show Keiichi that just because there's two of them, they're still capable of all the things you would find in a "normal" relationship. And I, being the optimist I am, am assuming that this idea will fall apart within fifteen minutes of leaving the temple. I've tagged the subjects for easy tracking and will seek to understand how the Veloveciraptor behaves in a public setting. I've been in contact with Dr. Nyd, who's given me an outline of what kind of things to look for. You're welcome to submit questions, which I will try to answer._

_**Fifteen comments for: On the Hunt!**_

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: It took six hours on Heaven Instant Messenger last night for an "outline?"**

**Heavenly Body: It was an in-depth discussion. And shut up.**

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: I'm sure it was. And make me.**

**One Wing Flapping: I am intrigued about this, particularly what you mentioned before about coordination. Are there other applications here?**

**Heavenly Body: Nyd seems to think it borders on precognition, where the spiritual bond is allowing them to communicate milliseconds before their minds do. **

**Music Man: I don't like the idea of you communicating with some strange god over the internet.**

**Petite Fleur: Why not? She communicates with you.**

**One Wing Flapping: Snap.**

**Heavenly Body: For the last time, A. He's not my boyfriend. B. Stay the hell off my blog.**

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: Besides, he's not a stranger. They're really close.**

**Heavenly Body: Are not!**

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: Oh yeah? I have a bunch of HIM logs that say otherwise. What say we resolve this with a visit from the Cut/Paste Fairy? /Paste/ **_**HeavenlyBody666: So, I guess to be a healer you have to have skilled hands, ne? Med-Stud122: Well, I wouldn't say "skilled," I guess. It takes a long time to learn the kind of things necessary to be a good healer. HeavenlyBody666: I see... It must take a lot of practice. Can I ask you for some medical advice? Med-Stud122: Sure. HeavenlyBody666: I seem to have this condition where whenever I'm around a specific someone, I get hot and flustered and it's hard to breathe. What do you think? Med-Stud122: Wow, I've never heard of that before. Weird. HeavenlyBody666: Should I get examined? Perhaps you could come down? **_

**Petite Fleur: NICE!**

**Music Man: Oh, he's DEAD!**

**Heavenly Body: ... You've made a powerful enemy this day, Skuld...**

888

Walking through Nekomi's shopping district with a goddess on each arm, Keiichi couldn't help but feel like he was drawing attention. The only people who were supposed to walk around with two beautiful women on their arms were rich people, movie stars and the like. All of a sudden, people were looking at him and wondering what Keiichi Morisato was all about.

What the hell was he going to do? He thought he had it bad when he had to choose between them. Now it was all or nothing, and somehow that made things worse. Which, when he thought about it, was kind of stupid. After all, didn't guys the world over wish they could have more than one girlfriend without having to sneak around? Did that make him a dirtbag?

He suppressed a sigh, not wanting to hint to the goddesses that he was still feeling conflicted. Instead, the sight of something sitting in the front window of a rummage shop prompted him to ask a question.

"Sif," he began, turning to the goddess on his left. "I haven't seen Ameri around lately. Is everything all right?"

The blonde smiled. "Ameri is part of Holy Bell now," she said. "Only she can play her."

He blinked. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I know you two were... well... I mean, she was sort of your angel, so you two were obviously close."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "She's still a part of me," she said. "When Belldandy and I summon Holy Bell and Ameri and they play, it's the most beautiful thing in the world." She turned wistful. "I do miss playing, though."

Keiichi turned away. "I see."

Wheels started turning in the boy's head.

"Kei chan!"

The trio stopped and turned to find Megumi hurrying through the crowd toward them.

"Megumi san!" Belldandy and Sif cried in unison.

Megumi blinked at the sight of her brother flanked by the two goddesses. "What's up?" she asked skeptically.

"Just the usual," Keiichi replied casually.

"Uh huh," she said. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, right, you haven't met her this time," Keiichi mumbled. "This is Sif. Sif, this is my sister, Megumi."

"What brings you here today, Megumi san?" Belldandy asked.

"I need to hit Component City," the softball player told her. "You guys going that way?"

"Sure," Keiichi replied. The four made their way to the electronics store, chit-chatting as Megumi tried to divine the meaning of Sif's presence. Her brother's luck with women lately had been odd to say the least, but who was she to pry?

They wandered up to the counter at Component City. A young man was working with his back turned to them.

"Excuse me," Megumi prompted.

The man turned, and Keiichi screamed in shocked fright.

Unperturbed, Belldandy smiled and clapped her hands. "Hello, Gary san!"

The man who at one time was a zombie named Gary blinked. "Um... no, my name is Toshio. What can I do for you?"

Megumi smiled and absently played with her hair. "I need a portable hard drive. What've you got?"

"Do you sell kerosene?" Keiichi asked acidly. Megumi blinked at him.

Toshio/Gary smiled back. "Well, for you, Miss, I'm sure we can find something."

"Stay the fuck away from my sister, you shambling, undead asshole!" Keiichi cried before he could rein it in.

Megumi turned to him in utter horror. "What the hell has gotten into you?!" she hissed. She turned back to Toshio. "Please excuse my brother. He's a little... you know. My name's Megumi."

"It's nice to meet you," Toshio said, gently shaking her hand and offering her a winning smile.

Keiichi just shook his hand and started for the door. Sif and Belldandy followed him.

"You seem agitated, Keiichi sama," Sif said helpfully. "Perhaps we should stop for lunch."

Reminded of what he saw earlier, Keiichi nodded. There was something he wanted to do, but first he had to ditch Belldandy and Sif.

They found a food court and settled down to eat. Before he was half-finished with his noodles, Keiichi stood up. "Excuse me. Gotta hit the bathroom." Without another word, he rushed off.

"I think it's going well!" Belldandy told Sif.

"In_deed_."

888

_Urd's Naughty Bedtime Stories Blog_

_Sept. 22_

_On Safari_

_I'm currently sitting in the food court where Keiichi has just zipped off to parts unknown, leaving my sister and Sif alone. Since I just ordered lunch, I'm going to stick with the two goddesses and let Keiichi try to escape. It's not like he'd get far anyway, the Veloveciraptors are quite capable of hunting down any prey they set their hearts on. _

_Things seem to be going well, regardless. If Keiichi is uncomfortable, he isn't broadcasting it. I suppose it's fully possible that I was wrong and this is going to end up as a normal every-day kind of... Wait a sec! Aoshima is heading for their table! This is going to be awesome! More later!_

_**Seven comments for: On Safari**_

**PinsandNydles: Um... I'm not saying it's anyone here, but I've noticed I'm being followed by some guy with a lute... Any ideas?**

**One Wing Flapping: Mace.**

**Petite Fleur: He plays the lute. How tough can he be?**

**Music Man: I recommend you stop dithering about with women who don't belong to you! BTW: Will you be walking home alone tonight?**

**Petite Fleur: "With women who don't **_**belong**_** to you?" Excuze moi, did you really just say that?**

**NotARockFan: I have a serious question. What would you say is now their greatest weakness and what would be the best way to exploit it?**

**Heavenly Body: Oh, that's easy! The first thing you do is go to the hardware store, look on the top shelf of aisle ten and grab the extra large size of NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS, MARA!**** How did you even find this blog?!**

888

Keiichi entered the rummage shop and approached the front counter where an elderly woman was arranging antique jewelry in a glass case. Looking up, she smiled at the boy and turned her attention to him.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

The college student pointed at the front window. "Yeah," he said. "That's a viola, right?"

The woman smiled. "Indeed it is. You have a good eye. Most people can't tell the difference between a viola and a violin."

"Does it work?" Keiichi asked, unsure of what questions he _should_ be asking.

The elderly clerk nodded. "It's old," she said. "But it's still stringed. It might need to be tuned. It was tuned for a scordatura."

"A what?" Keiichi asked, blinking.

"Scordatura," the woman said. "It's when you deliberately mistune an instrument to play compositions you wouldn't normally be able to play with a properly tuned instrument."

"So... in order to play some pieces of music, you have to play out of tune?" Keiichi asked.

She nodded. "Ironic, isn't it?" the woman asked. "It's kind of like life. Sometimes, you have to stray from the usual to find the right chords."

Keiichi gave the woman's words some honest thought, keenly aware of how they applied to his current situation. He smiled. "I'll take it."

Two minutes later, he walked out of the store with the viola in an old brown hard case. He got two steps before stopping and wincing.

"DAMMIT!" he cried. Turning back, he reentered the store.

_There's two of them, Keiichi!_ he thought angrily to himself. _You can't buy a gift for one and snub the other!_

888

Seeing Belldandy and another foreign woman who appeared every bit as attractive, it didn't take long for Aoshima to decide to change his course from the Orange Julius to their table. Putting on his best smile, he adjusted his glasses.

"Good afternoon, ladies," he greeted.

"Lord Gulstaff," Sif greeted.

He cleared his throat. Obviously, Morisato must have been regaling them with humiliating tales of him playing Quests and Corridors. "Actually, my name is Toshiyuki Aoshima." He offered his hand and when Sif took his to shake it, he brought it to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

Sif smiled at the gesture.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," he told her.

The blonde goddess blinked and turned to Belldandy, whose expression was happy... but also...

"Aoshima," Sif said to herself. "I know that name... Aoshima... Aoshima..."

"I am rather well-known in the local area," he told her in explanation. "Why don't you allow me to buy you ladies lunch and we can..."

"Aoshima..." Sif said again. It was bothering her. It wasn't within in her memories, but Belldandy's... Suddenly, her eyes went wide and she looked up at Aoshima. "YOU'RE THE MAN WHO TRIED TO RAPE BELLDANDY!" she cried in sudden realization.

Every eye in the food court turned toward them. Aoshima turned white, his mouth hanging open and slack.

Belldandy looked at Sif, seeing the angry expression on her face. "Oh, my," she whispered. "Even I didn't see that coming..."

It had been two years ago, of course, only three months after Belldandy had arrived on Earth. In searching for a romantic place to take Keiichi, the goddess had asked Aoshima for help. He took her to a love hotel and then wouldn't take "no" for an answer, forcing Belldandy to subdue him with her powers. The Norn had decided it was a misunderstanding, a cross-cultural miscommunication, and had forgiven Aoshima.

Sif, the near-victim of such tactics herself, was less than forgiving.

"I... um... don't know what you mean," Aoshima said.

The blonde shot to her feet and glared at him. "You attempted to steal love from an innocent goddess!" she accused. "Because you are incapable of any love yourself! Why she left you with enough faculties to walk out of that hotel room is beyond me!"

Everyone in the food court was looking and whispering to one another, leaving Aoshima in a bad place.

"Sif, it's quite all right," Belldandy said, trying to calm her other half.

"No, it's _not_ all right!" Sif countered. She turned back to Aoshima. "You, sir, are a bad, awful man! And I can only hope that one day you understand the depth of your misdeeds and beg Belldandy for forgiveness!"

Aoshima cleared his throat, painfully aware that the crowd was now glaring at him and nodding along with Sif's words.

"I think, I should probably go," he said quietly.

"InDEED!" Sif replied harshly.

She didn't retake her seat until the mortal boy was out of sight again. Belldandy sighed.

"Sif, that wasn't necessary."

The blonde bit her lip. "Wasn't it?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

Sif looked at her. "We're a blended being, Belldandy. We can't work at cross purposes. Do you think I could have berated that young fiend if some part of you hadn't wanted to do it yourself?"

Belldandy's breath caught in her throat. Could that be true? Had some part of her wanted to confront Aoshima about what he had done two years ago? She came out of her thoughts as Sif hugged her.

"I like this," Sif told her quietly. "Now we can always be there for one another."

Belldandy smiled and hugged back. "Hai."

888

It took much longer than Keiichi hoped, but he found something he knew Belldandy would like. The clerk told him that the tea kettle was an antique, brought in by a woman who hated to give it up but needed the money. It was clean and in near perfect condition, adorned with pink and violet flowers along the side. It seemed to call out to him and he knew it was perfect.

Knowing that Belldandy and Sif were probably wondering what had happened to him, he rushed to Component City, hoping that his sister was still there.

She was, trying to decide which portable hard drive to buy and asking Gary/Toshio a lot of questions as if she had no idea what to get.

"Hey!" he said, interrupting them. Megumi turned, and he dumped the packages in her hands. "I need a big favor!" he said. "On your way home, could you drop these off at my place?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, no sweat. Gifts for Belldandy?" She smiled knowingly.

"And Sif," he said.

The girl frowned. "Kei chan... um... Are you... Are you dating both of them?"

Keiichi bit his lip. This was it. Both or neither, and if he couldn't say it to his sister, how could he say it to anyone else? His life and his relationships might be a little out of tune, but if so, they were out of tune because that's how he wanted it.

"Yeah," he said as if daring her to make something out of it. He nodded. "I love Belldandy and Sif. They love me. And they love each other... although... not in a physical kind of way, it's more of a spiritual bond type something-or-other..."

Megumi looked at him as if he were nuts. "Um... Okay, Kei chan... That's great... It's... definitely going to make for an interesting Christmas card... but... if that's what makes you happy, then go for it."

"Wait a sec," Gary/Toshio interrupted. "Those two girls you were in here with before are your _girlfriends?_!" He held his hand up for a high-five. "Way to live the dream, man!"

"GET FUCKED, GARY!" Keiichi shouted to Megumi's horror.

Gary/Toshio looked at him stupidly. "Toshio!" he repeated, pointing at his name tag. "My name is Toshio! For the love of God! TOSHIO!"

Keiichi shook his head and turned back to his sister. "Listen, one day, a long time from now, I'll tell you the whole story, but for right now, could you just make sure these get back to the temple?"

"If I say yes, do you promise to walk out of this store and not come back?" she asked through grit teeth. "I'm _trying_ to close a deal here... if you know what I mean," she growled and gave a quick nod in Gary/Toshio's direction.

"Gross," he said, but nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Megumi took the packages, and Keiichi hurried out of the store.

888

_Urd's Naughty Bedtime Stories Blog_

_Sept. 22_

_Violators will be punished_

_When approached by a potential suitor, the Veloveciraptor will smile kindly and be polite up until the point where the male is found to be unsuitable, at which point the romantic predators RIP HIM THE FUCK UP! Aoshima just got the ass kicking of his life from Sif. I only heard bits and pieces, but it was obvious that some of dear Aoshima's crimes have finally come back to haunt him, and he ended up running away with his tail between his legs._

_It makes me wonder if perhaps they share memories as well as feelings. I'll have to investigate further. Unfortunately, in order to get any further information, I'm going to have to find a way to get closer, "Gorillas in the Mist" style. _

_Tonight, I will infiltrate this pack, this pride, this, dare I say it... "sexy circle?"_

_**Nine comments for: Violators will be punished**_

**PinsandNydles: I don't think you should do that.**

**Music Man: +1**

**Heavenly Body: Jealous? **

**PinsandNydles: ... No...**

**Heavenly Body: Then my using my feminine charms on Keiichi to infiltrate his sexy circle shouldn't bother you in the least...**

**Petite Fleur: This is going to be the most hilarious thing EVER! I demand pics and, if possible, video!**

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots**: **Done! For a price, that is...**

**Heavenly Body: I thought I banned you.**

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: You think a lot of things.**

888

Keiichi managed to get into the kitchen before Belldandy and Sif, only to find Skuld sitting at the table with a pile of pumpkins, making Jack-O-Lanterns.

"Hey, Skuld," he began. "Did Megumi stop by?"

"Yeah," the youngest Norn said as she carved some eyes into a pumpkin. "She left some stuff in your room."

"Great," he said. "Um... What are you doing?"

"Haven't you ever seen someone make a Jack-O-Lantern before?"

"It's September," he pointed out.

Skuld sighed. "I expected that episode with Sif to drag out longer, so I bought pumpkins in bulk. Now I have a hundred and fifty pumpkins and nothing to do with them."

He blinked. "Skuld, sometimes... forget it." Turning, he rushed down the hall toward his room.

A moment later, Belldandy and Sif entered. "Ah! Skuld!" Belldandy cried happily. "Are you decorating for Halloween already?"

Skuld sighed. "Yeah." She turned to them. "Hey, if you want some pumpkins to make pies or something, help yourself."

"Thank you!" Sif replied, already looking over the pile for a good one.

"How did your date go with Keiichi?" Skuld asked, trying for her sister's sake to tone down the acid in her voice.

"It was wonderful," Belldandy said.

"In_deed!_" Sif added. "I think Keiichi is becoming much more comfortable with having two goddesses."

"You mean three," Skuld said, an evil smile Sif and Belldandy couldn't see, spreading slowly across her face.

"Three?" they asked in unison.

"Oh, didn't you know?" Skuld said innocently. "I think Urd likes him too." She winked. "The more the merrier, right?"

The two goddesses looked at one another in concern.

888

_Urd's Naughty Bedtime Stories Blog_

_Sept. 22_

_I repeat, a POWERFUL enemy..._

_So it turns out I have to be more careful about what I say on this blog. It appears that SOMEONE who reads this journal decided to tell Belldandy and Sif that I had some romantic interest in Keiichi. When I went to "join him" in his bath and make my intentions known... they were waiting for me out in the hall. I've learned from this experience that the Veloveciraptor is fiercely territorial... and also that Belldandy's sense of jealousy has crossed over to Sif. Their exact words were, "Two's company, three is simply unacceptable."_ _So thanks, WHOEVER YOU ARE, (and we both knew who you are) for screwing up a chance to learn more about this partial melding. I'm sure Dr. Nyd will be devastated by this turn of events._

**Four comments for: I repeat, a POWERFUL enemy...**

**PinsandNydles: Oh, yes... quite disappointed...  
**

**Heavenly Body: Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? **

**In-the-Future-There-Will-Be-Robots: You're welcome! That was classic! I never laughed so hard in my entire life! Who wants MPEGs?!**

**Petite Fleur: I DO! MOI! MOI! MOI!**

888

Taking another breath, Keiichi rehearsed what he intended to say for the sixth time as he sat in the center of his room. The two gifts he bought for Belldandy and Sif sat in front of him, wrapped in some rice paper he had found lying around the house.

"Sometimes," he whispered, "You can't live life the way you expected to. Sometimes, you just have to ask yourself, 'what do I want?' And I want the both of you..."

"I'm sure they're very nice packages, so of course you'd want them both!" he heard Belldandy say from his left.

Startled, he felt backwards and ended up with his head in Sif's lap. The blonde smiled down at him. "Good evening, Keiichi sama," she greeted as Belldandy knelt next to him.

"Hi," he replied, feeling very foolish.

"We got your note," Sif told him.

"What did you wish to talk about?" Belldandy asked.

This time, Keiichi sat up and turned so he could face them both. He searched for the words he had rehearsed, but began to panic as he realized they had fled him.

"I got you something," he finally settled for, painfully aware of how stupid it sounded. "I mean... Sometimes... you can't live life the way you think you would have... um..."

Belldandy and Sif watched him stumble for a few more moments.

"Keiichi san, is there something you want to say?" Belldandy asked.

He swallowed nervously and cleared his throat. "Both," he finally got out.

The two goddesses looked to one another. "Both, Keiichi sama?" Sif asked with a smile. "Both what?"

"Don't tease him," Belldandy chastised her. The Norn smiled at him. "You really choose both, Keiichi san?"

"Yeah," he gasped out. "I mean... it's going to be weird for awhile... And I don't want to... well... I don't want to hurt either of you by playing favorites or anything... so if you think I am, just tell me and..."

Belldandy and Sif sat down on either side of him and rested their heads on his shoulders.

"You won't," they assured him in stereo.

Feeling a little uncomfortable with the joint affection, Keiichi cleared his throat as if suddenly remembering. "So, yeah!" he said. "I got you both something. It's not much..." He picked up the packages and offered one to each goddess.

They took the presents and looked to each other.

"You first!" they both said. Both seeming to listen to the other, they began to open the boxes.

Belldandy lifted the tea kettle from its box, and her eyes lit up.

"It's not great," Keiichi apologized. "But I saw it and just... thought of you..."

"It's wonderful!" Belldandy replied. She closed her eyes and held the kettle for several moments. "Its previous owner loved to make tea," she said. "And always for happy occasions." She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I'll always treasure it."

Keiichi blushed, happy to know the gift was an apparent hit. He turned, mostly at the absence of any words from Sif, and found the musician goddess staring at the viola he had bought for her.

"I know it's kind of old," he said. "But you seemed to miss playing so much..."

"It's beautiful," she whispered.

"The clerk said it probably has to be tuned," he warned.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Keiichi sama, this..." The goddess shook her head. "I... I don't know what to say," she sobbed, hugging the instrument to her chest.

"Oh, jeez," he said. "I didn't mean to make you cry..."

Belldandy scooted to her side and held her, tears starting to well up in her own eyes as Sif's emotions washed over her own.

"You knew exactly what to do to make me happy," Sif sniffled. "I can't believe..."

She broke off and started to cry as Belldandy shushed her.

"I'm sorry," Keiichi told her. "I didn't mean to..."

"Keiichi san, you mustn't," Belldandy warned him. She smiled through tear-filled eyes. "Don't you see? This is the day. Just as the day you made your wish did for me, this is the day Sif will remember as the day she realized you loved her. Don't apologize for it."

Sif was still crying into Belldandy's shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked stupidly.

Belldandy smiled and held an arm out, beckoning him to join the embrace. He smiled and leaned forward, hugging them both.

888

_Urd's Naughty Bedtime Stories Blog_

_Sept. 22_

_And they all lived happily ever after..._

_Well, who would have guessed?! Keiichi's going to go for it! Good on him! He could certainly do worse than Belldandy and Sif. They're out in the backyard now, Sif playing her new viola while Belldandy and Keiichi dance together. I wonder what it's like, to love two people like that. I imagine it's going to be incredibly difficult in some parts and probably very fulfilling in others. Only time will... Gotta go!_

_**One comments for: And they all lived happily ever after...**_

**Petite Fleur: I love happy endings! But where are you going?**

888

Urd slid the door aside and led the god out into the backyard where a slow melody played from a slightly out of tune viola. She smiled at seeing Keiichi and her sister dance to the music and cleared her throat.

The three of them looked up.

"Neesan!" Belldandy cried with a smile. She blinked at the sight of the other man. "Who's this?"

"This is Dr. Nyd," Urd said with a grin. "And he has wonderful news!"

Nyd stepped forward and cleared his throat. "Yes, well... You see, after reviewing the scans I took while you and Ms. Sif were still unconscious and combining that with the observations Urd made..." He paused and took a breath. "I have developed a cure."

The two goddesses blinked at him. "A cure?" they asked in unison.

"You mean... you can separate them?" Keiichi asked.

"So it would seem," Nyd said. He saw the looks on the two goddesses' faces and rushed to reassure them. "It's perfectly painless," he said. "You just drink this potion, go to sleep, and when you wake up, POOF! You're two separate people again."

They didn't seem reassured. Belldandy and Sif looked to one another.

"Is... Is something wrong?" Nyd asked. "Has your condition deteriorated?"

Urd cleared her throat and placed a hand on his arm. "There might be a complication," she allowed.

"Nyd san," Belldandy began quietly, looking at Sif. "Do we... have... to take this cure?"

"Yes," Sif added. "What would happen if we just didn't take it?"

"Well... you'd stay like this," he told them, unsure as to why they would even ask such a thing.

They turned to him again. "Then that's what we'd like to do," they said in unison.

Behind them, Keiichi smiled.

"Well... okay," Nyd said. "If that's what you want..." He looked down at the vial of potion he brought with him. "Kind of a waste, though... I had to use my last tomato..."

"I'll find a way to make it up to you," Urd promised slyly.

Nyd turned red. "O...o...o...okay," he croaked.

"Are you two sure about this?" Keiichi asked as they turned back to him. "I mean..."

"This is who we are, Keiichi san," Belldandy said.

"And we wouldn't prefer it any other way," Sif added.

"Still," Urd noted, injecting herself between the two goddesses. "There are going to be... complications... down the road. For instance, how do you intend to..." She whispered the rest in their ears and smiled as the two joined goddesses blushed a deep crimson.

"Oh, my," Belldandy allowed. "We haven't given that much thought."

Keiichi watched the exchange, puzzled as the two goddesses shot surreptitious glances at him.

"I... I suppose we could just take turns," Belldandy said.

Sif blinked at this. "But that would mean that while one of us is enjoying the warmth of Keiichi sama's embrace, the other is alone in a cold, dark room. Belldandy, I couldn't do that to you!"

"Nor I to you!" Belldandy told her, the goddesses near panic.

They sighed in unison. "Then it seems the only solution," Sif said as they both looked at him.

"Is for Keiichi san..." Belldandy continued.

"... to make love to us both..."

"At the same time," they finished as one.

Keiichi turned white, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he hit the ground unconscious.

"Keiichi san!"

"Keiichi sama!" Both goddess rushed to his side in concern, fanning at him.

Urd was trying desperately to hold back laughter. "This is the greatest thing to ever happen to me!" she cried. She suddenly rushed for the house. "I have to post this on my blog!"

"Keiichi san! Keiichi san, are you okay?!" Belldandy cried.

Nyd looked down at Keiichi as the goddesses tried to revive him. "My friend," he said. "You have my sympathies."

_**The End... For Now**_


End file.
